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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking my dh is a selfish fuck pig?

46 replies

2anddone · 07/07/2009 11:21

Hi I am not working at the mo and money is tight, last week was my b'day and dh got me nothing except a teddy from the children and said we can't really afford for me to have a b'day present this year. Anyway last night I was checking our bank statement so I knew how much I had to spend at tesco and I saw a charge for £105 to a car cleaning company for car polish! He already needs £80 this month to replace a back box exhaust bit on his car even though there is nothing wrong with it he justs wants to try a different one! I wouldn't mind if it was a nice car but it isn't! So AIBU to think that my dh is selfish to spend £185 on the car and then tell me we can't afford for me to have a b'day present when we are tight on money at the mo? BTW I didn't want anything big from him just some flowers from the supermarket would have done so that I felt he at least had acknowledged my birthday.

OP posts:

DrunkenDaisy · 07/07/2009 15:27

Haha thanks. I think it's my phrase of the day.

I do get what I want now, but only after spending 10 years as a single mum (and working full time) having been royally fucked over by the 'love of my life' !

I now have a lovely DH, amazing DD, and fabulous job. Hurray for me!

I don't take any shit though

Spero · 07/07/2009 15:32

I love you DrunkenDaisy. You have given me hope.

beanieb · 07/07/2009 15:35

If there is money in your account, and there are no pressing bills just go out and spend what you can on you. He's obviously spending your money as he sees fit.

JetLi · 07/07/2009 15:38

YANBU - He wants shooting with shit.
Belated Happy Birthday by the way

lizziemun · 07/07/2009 16:07

I would ask what he going to be eating the month as he just spent £185 on his car.

I bet he doesn't even realise how much he spent.

Are you sure the car polish is correct and it shouldn't have been £15.

But i do agree with the other's.

bratnav · 07/07/2009 16:08

YANBU he is being a selfish cock

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 07/07/2009 16:23

dh was talked into buying me a cake for my birthday this week on the basis that if he can afford £15 petrol for meeting mates on saturday he can bloody well afford a cake...

I say talked, I mean informed that he wouldnt have time to make amends before we go away in a few weeks! In a strict tone.

YANBU, he clearly is and a teddy? FFS. You're not (I presume) 8 are you?

belated birthday greetings tho

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 07/07/2009 16:24

PS a valet here cost £9 for an MPV. Move.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 07/07/2009 16:26

Oh Dh used to work in the field and said £50 is the absolute max he's ever spent for a full works valet

Northernlurker · 07/07/2009 16:28

Yes he is selfish. Personally I wouldn't have a joint account with him if that is his attitude to your money. Never mind your birthday present - how do you trust him not to spend the shopping money on some fluffy dice and new alloys?

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/07/2009 16:32

DH looked at having his car valeted properly with all the touch up stuff on the interior and was quoted £225 . Needless to say, he cleaned it himself.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 07/07/2009 16:35

Blimey, glad we live in South Wales then!

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/07/2009 16:39

We're in the provinces too Peachy. Not even SE

nametaken · 07/07/2009 16:42

Divorce him, see how much that'll cost the cunt

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 07/07/2009 18:49

i think i'm gonna start cleaning cars for aliving!

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 18:50

I think you should have a talk with your H in general about money and budgeting ie that all spends over say £10 should be run by the other partner first. Just so he gets the idea that he shouldn't spend whatever's in the joint account on boytoys and lager when the gas is about to be cut off, and that the household budget should work in such a way that you both get a certain amount of money to spend as you like (even if it's only a fiver a week or whatever) but otherwise it isn;t a case of one person doing what he likes and everyone else going without.

catinthehat2 · 07/07/2009 19:01

SGB - would you please remind us of the article you always link to about the value of "women's" work. I can't dig it out of the search, but I know you've posted it several times........

Jux · 07/07/2009 19:25

Has he got his backbox thingy yet? If not, tell him you need £80 for essential repairs and take it (and get your hair done). When his birthday comes, tell him you can't get him anything as money's a bit tight and you've just paid for a night with Johnny Depp so you can't get him anything.

Seriously, YANBU, and you must tell him that this is not acceptable, not at birthdays or Christmas, and he must stop doing it.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 20:37

Catinthehat - here
It honestly makes me despair that it was written FORTY YEARS AGO and there are still men who behave like this.

catinthehat2 · 07/07/2009 20:41

Thank you so much - I wanted to put it on this thread earlier

Wigglesworth · 07/07/2009 20:45

What a wank shaft, very fucking selfish IMO. You absolutely have to let him know how you feel otherwise this will fester and rear it's ugly head later on.

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