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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about other people not minding their kids

41 replies

woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 12:20

dh had day off work yesterday & seeing as i was up 4 times during the night with our dd trying to settle her back to sleep i was tired so dh suggested we go out for dinner .
( this was the first time we have gone out for dinner in over a year) so we went to a nice little country pub for lunch , just as we arrived there were 2 toddlers running around , we smiled at them but decided to sit away from them as we had our own 2 dc's with us , just as the food arrived at the table the 2 toddlers (about 3yrs) came over & sat at our table & started picking food off our ds plate their parents were sitting facing us & didn't seem to care less about what their children got up to , 3 times we heard the bar man shout at them & he gave us a funny look as the were sitting at our table im sure he thought they were our kds in the end we left & didnt enjoy it a all . i was very tempted to ask their parents to remove them from our table but wimped out in the end . AIBU.

OP posts:
philmassive · 04/07/2009 12:27

Are you for real? You just let them sit with you at your table without getting the parents to shift them? You must be mad.

Other parents ABU but so are you, you need to stand up for yourselves!

Knickers0nMaHead · 04/07/2009 12:30

yabu for not saying something to the kids and parents. I would of gone up to their table and had a drink out of their glass to see how they liked it. You didnt say anything, therefore, the parents probably thought you didnt mind.

BoffinMum · 04/07/2009 12:33

YABU
Either you should have told them to get lost or smiled and put up with it!

Personally speaking I would have told them to leave. Picking food off plates indeed!! If all else failed I might have told a white lie suggesting we had a dread disease or were psychos and that they would only be safe with their own parents. But then I am naughty like that.

nickytwotimes · 04/07/2009 12:35

Yabu at not asking them to go back to their own table.
It would be nicer for your kids if you helped defend thier boundaries.

Kayzr · 04/07/2009 12:37

YABU! You should have got their parents to make them stop or said something to the staff.

whereeverIlaymyhat · 04/07/2009 12:40

Blimey I bet because you were so tired you didn't fancy a fight but really it's not fair on your DS if you allow that to happen to him in the future.
I just say oh look our food has arrived time for you to go back to your mummy now and off they trot (and if they didn't i'd pick them up, take them over and say I believe this is yours).

Original poster
woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 12:41

am not very good at confrontation but i did say no to the boy who tried to take food off ds plate , when barman came over he was giving us a dirty look so i explained that those 2 kids were not ours & he asked the toddlers father to keep them under control . the father came over & took them both back to their table but a few seconds later they were back at ours & parents just left them to it , the lunch was ruined so we just left , i was very annoyed coz i always make sure my dc's are well behaved wherever we go .

OP posts:
Knickers0nMaHead · 04/07/2009 12:46

why didnt you say that at the beginning?

whereeverIlaymyhat · 04/07/2009 12:47

Pubs are a nightmare, any parent who likes an alcoholic drink whilst caring for children isn't on the ball 100% of the time I have found.
Go to a pizza place next time is my advice.

nzshar · 04/07/2009 12:54

ok theres confrontation and there is just making yourself look like a doormat. Have some backbone fgs. If you really didnt want to say anything at the time then really yabu to then moan about it after the fact. Btw the other parents were being unreasonable too but it has bugged you a lot more than them obviously.

Goblinchild · 04/07/2009 12:55

Just glare at them and yell GO AWAY!
The parents may well rush to rescue them from the dangerous strangers.

Kazzi79 · 04/07/2009 13:13

this is one thing that really hacks me off, I've sat in beer gardens before now and had children some as young as about 3 throwing stones at us which the adults they were with just paid no attention to! Luckily I am good at confrontation and didnt put up with it!

It really annoys me though its not rocket science just to teach your children basic manners and good behaviour, people shouldnt have children in the first place if they cant install good habits into their children from an early age, I've managed it as a lone parent in tough circumstances so I'm pretty sure others can manage it if they could be bothered to try!

motherbeyond · 04/07/2009 13:14

i don't like confrontation either,my dh likes it even less.but,i think i would probably have told them to go back to their own table.mt sil dc's are like that,complete nightmare at our wedding...wanted to throttle them!and their parents,even more so..they just can't be arsed with any any discipline because it's hard work to get kids to behave..and well,like i said,they cant be arsed!annoying

Original poster
woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 13:36

lol goblin will try that in future
yep nzshar need to get a backbone ,
suppose it got to me so much because the toddlers parents seemed to be enjoying their drinks in peace while we had to put up with their kids picking their noses etc while we tried to eat , they knew only too well by the looks every1 was giving them that we were annoyed but they just didn't seem to care.

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsake · 04/07/2009 13:42

It does rather send out the message that this is OK to your children if you allow it to happen. Personally if someone isn't telling their children what is appropriate, then I will (in my nice, high-pitched 'sing-song' voice which gets on my and everyone elses nerves!).

Nothing wrong with gently taking them by the hand and returning them to their parents, explaining what they were doing. I am really quite that you did nothing.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/07/2009 13:43

Good grief! I'd certainly never let my DDs behave like that, and it's pretty disgraceful that other parents would think you didn't mind!

OTOH, you do need to grow a backbone! You should have told them politely and firmly that you would like them to please leave you alone. If they didn't listen, you should have asked their parents to keep them away.

Original poster
woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 13:56

again I'm , my ds is 10 & my dd is 3
ds found it all very funny but we all generally ignored the toddlers hoping they would get bored & toddle off back to their own table , unfortunately this didn't happen
my dd & i were very tired after a bad nights sleep ( dd 3 has atopic eczema which gets worse in the heat) & i suppose i just felt i hadn't got the energy for a confrontation which i really am no good at anyway.

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 04/07/2009 14:12

but it doesn't need to be confrontation. You can just politely but very firmly take them over to their parents and say that you are having a meal and it's your family time.

end of story.

I really would recommend you get a book on assertiveness skills. assertiveness can really make you feel good about yourself. There are ways you can get exactly what you want without it being upsetting to anyone. and you feel GREAT when you've spoken up for yourself or your family.

GypsyMoth · 04/07/2009 14:20

Why didn't your husband do anything?

Original poster
woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 14:22

thanks slowread, i have never been able to confront other people , it has always effected me in every aspect of my life , i am not a doormat with my own family but yet i cant seem to be able to tell other people where to get off if they over step the mark .

OP posts:
Original poster
woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 14:25

hubby is just as bad as me , would rather put up with it than make a scene.

OP posts:
icedgemsrock · 04/07/2009 14:30

not a very good example to set for your children, that their parents are doormats and it's ok to behave like that?
You say it affects every aspect of your life so why would you want that for your children?

Original poster
woodlands35 · 04/07/2009 14:44

ice my children are very well behaved , they know it is not ok to run around & annoy other people , my ds is very confident as we try very hard to install this in him ,
as i said i am NOT a doormat with my own family but for some reason i let others take advantage rather than face an argument or to upset any1 . it is something i am NOT proud of but that is the way i am ,

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 04/07/2009 14:54

Then if that is how you are, unwilling or unable to take a stand, that is your choice.
So you really shouldn't get annoyed if others are completely oblivious to your needs and wishes.
I hope that if your children need their parents to be more proactive in the future, that you can bring yourself to move beyond passive disapproval.
Have you asked yourself why you would rather tut under your breath than explain why someone's actions are annoying you?

sherazade · 04/07/2009 15:08

YABU. The barman shouting at the toddler is horrid. Toddlers are toddlers , social creatures, and don't have a clue about social etiquette. If I were eating lunch and some other parents toddlers (under 5's) came and picked off our lunch I wouldn't have cared in the slightest.

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