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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask people why they don't want to be my friend?

105 replies

Iammummynomates · 04/07/2009 07:38

I know this has been done to death on here, but I have no friends. There are people I talk to at the school gates from time to time, everyone knows who I am, but they all have their own circles of friends and I am just not a part of that and don't seem to be able to become a part of that.

And thing is, I don't know why. I have never fallen out with anyone, people do talk to me, they just won't cross the boundary between chatting at the school gates and moving on to more meaningful friendship, i.e. coffee, or coming round in any way shape or form. I have been there for some of them on occasion, they've chatted to me about their personal lives, some have confided about their marriages, but as soon as I extend myself and try to say, invite them round, they back off completely and will sometimes avoid me altogether. And it's not because they have such busy social lives, they are constantly round each other's houses for impromptu bbq's/drinks etc, in fact I've been standing amongst them as they plan their evenings out together, to which I am not invited.

So given they clearly don't consider me too be a friend, I've thought about asking them what is so terrible about me that it puts them off, so I would at least know, and can then change so I don't put people off in future.

IBU? Or would that seem ve childish?

I just don't know what to do really. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I've always struggled so much to make friends that there has to come a point when you admit that it can't just be that all the people I meet are horrible, that there must be something about me that puts people off. I just don't know what it is, and no-one has ever told me.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 05/07/2009 21:23

Two thoughts:

Boden's response made me wonder if blokes ever have this kind of angst. I imagine not.

Tattifer put me in mind of the Feng Shui dictum that you should greet a new person every day for 28 days without asking for anything or complaining. That is supposed to find you friends and/or improve your luck, I think.

tattifer · 05/07/2009 21:28

Why stop at 28 days?!

BoffinMum · 05/07/2009 21:31

'Cos you'd run out of people otherwise??

tattifer · 05/07/2009 21:34

walk further!

canttouchthis · 06/07/2009 13:31

I think meeting others at the school gate should just be left to 'hi, nice weather today' type of chat. I personally think if your life is already fulfilled with a good mix of friends, what's the point of making your already full calendar even fuller at trying to make more friends who really won't have much more in common than they also have kids like yourself.

getting a hobby is the way forward I think, rather than focusing in on others with kids.

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