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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

people smoking in cars with children

126 replies

motherbeyond · 03/07/2009 16:31

Am guessing most people feel this same about this subject.I was just out in our village with my 2.A car pulled up and two women got out of the car smoking.Fair enough.They then proceeded to open the back doors and let two primary school children out and a toddler.This makes my blood boil.What are these people thinking.It's bad enough when they are walking along pushing a buggy with a fag in their hand,at least they're outside.To trap children ina car and force them to inhale fumes from their death sticks,is beyond comprehension.one word springs to mind.scum.Harsh,but true imo

OP posts:

Danceswithchickens · 03/07/2009 23:16

poo...I spelt 'they're' wrong. LBB's made me hot under the collar!

littleboyblue · 03/07/2009 23:19

Am I the only person on this thread that has said they smoke in the car?
Interesting if so.
I am not uneducated, maybe I am a little selfish, yeah I'll agree with that.
I am well aware of what my job as a parent is too.
I haven't answered the questions and comments here, because it should be of no concern to anyone else, and frankly isn't any of your business.
The thread is about people smoking in cars, I have said I do it.
When I said earlier that some people do things I think are unacceptable, I didn't say I was judging them for it, just that I don't agree. You all don't agree with what I do. Fine, no need to gang up and start a virtual stoning though is there? I mean really?

Frasersmum123 · 03/07/2009 23:20

YANBU - I was also brought up with both parents smoking in the car, even with the windows open it stunk, and I have a lovely scar on my leg where my dad flicked his buttend out of the window and it actually flew in the backseat and hit me on the thigh.

And to say that they are your children and you can do what you like is extremely selfish - where will it stop?

barnsleybelle · 03/07/2009 23:21

I would love littleboyblue to come back and explain just one question i have.
Why would you not smoke in the car with someone elses child in the car, but you would your own?

That just doesn't make sense to me. you either think it's ok or you don't? By saying you wouldn't do it with someones elses child in the car kind of makes me think you know it's a risk... if you do, then why risk your own?

slowreadingprogress · 03/07/2009 23:25

but...finding things 'unacceptable'....IS judging!

LBB you're just not being logical!

Original poster

motherbeyond · 03/07/2009 23:26

dances..had to laugh 'uneducated' then you spelt they're wrong!! she's got me hot under the collar too though.. and for her children

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 03/07/2009 23:28

Ok fine. IMO, judging is a bit different than having an opinion. There are things that friends of mine do that I wouldn't, I don't think they're bad parents for it, I just don't agree. I don't judge them, they just get on and do it.
But let's just call it an end before it gets really silly, you all think I'm the worst parent in the world. Fine.

Original poster

motherbeyond · 03/07/2009 23:30

i agree with barnsleybelle.you obviously know it is wrong if you wouldn't do it to other people's children.also,what did you expect when you openly admit to causing your own children potential harm?a virtual hug?!!i think piggin' not!and i again ask..are your car journeys/strolls around town with buggy,so lengthly that you cannot wait until your dc not in the vicinity?

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 03/07/2009 23:32

LLB... i don't think you're the worst parent in the world at all. I don't know you and would never judge you. I simply wonder your logic, that it's ok to do it with your own children in the car but not other peoples.
Wish you would just explain that point to be honest.

littleboyblue · 03/07/2009 23:42

Ok. I know lots of people that don't even like their dc's seeing people smoke, so when I am around them, I pop out of sight. Yes, I know that smoking in a confined space with children isn't ideal and can be a danger to their health which is why I have the windows open.
I wouldn't smoke with someone elses children in the car because it's not my choice to make on what happens around them and what does not.
I think the last page of this thread has become a bit too personal really. So much for no personal attacks.
It is quite interesting to see that there was at least one other person who admitted to allowing this to happen in the car and they didn't get a cyber stoning..............clearly I have managed to upset and abger a lot of you, and I apologise that my actions have made some so angry and upset for my family, but there really is no need. I am the one that will have to live with herself if my children become ill through my actions, I don't expect them to ever understand why I do this as I hope to hell that they never take up this awful habit. I am also aware that I increase the risks of them smoking by doing it myself.
FWIW, I am on course to giving up. I have been attending a stop smoking support clinic, have been on patches for about a month and on thursday started a ourse of tablets that are meant to shut down the urge for nicotine.
Hopefully I'll manage to give up and then this issue will be over and I can hope that I haven't done any serious damage to them, so yes, I do know that it is not the best thing to do, but I am not putting your children at risk so am not really seeing why you're all taking the time and effort to personally attack me.

barnsleybelle · 03/07/2009 23:48

LLB... FWIW... thank you for answering my question and for being so honest on this thread. I think many people are scared to be honest for fear of hassle and that is why threads are often so one sided.
I wish you every success in your stop smoking plan.

Original poster

motherbeyond · 03/07/2009 23:50

"but I am not putting your children at risk so am not really seeing why you're all taking the time and effort to personally attack me."
just because they're your children doesnt mean that others don't care about their well being.you have to be really naive to think that opening the window filters out the smoke..trust me,it does not.but,at least you are making an effort to kick the habit

OP posts:

letsgostrawberrypicking · 03/07/2009 23:51

LLB - of course people are going to tell you their opinions of you doing it, did you expect otherwise? I have just been cyberly attacked on another thread about my snobbishness re jam sandwiches for goodness sake , people will always have an opinion when you give personal info!!

littleboyblue · 03/07/2009 23:54

Thank you barnsleybelle
I try to always be honest here and in RL about what I do and don't do. Like you say, people aren't always which leaves some feeling like they are the only ones iyswim. I know things like this do carry alot of seriousness and people become very strong in their feelings for it which is fine, but there is alot worse that happens out there. These things weren't even thought about 30 years ago.
I was about to say 'never did me any harm' in regards to my parents smoking in the car and house or whilst we were on their laps and so on, but realise that will start a whole new discussion on what right and wrong, but hey, I just said it anyway didn't I? But hopefully you can all see where I'm coming from (not as an excuse for smoking btw).
I do have certain standards. I wouldn't smoke whilst holding them, or over them or anything like that, but suppose I justify it by having the window open, as long as the car is moving, the smoke is going out of the window. I know by saying that you may call me uneducated again and think I am living in a cloud (of fag smoke) but that's just how I feel about it. As long as the windows are open, and 'clean' air is getting in, it's fine by me.
I will answer to my ds's on the day that they ask.

littleboyblue · 03/07/2009 23:57

I have to go to bed now far too late for me.

Noonki · 04/07/2009 18:32

littleboyblue - There are many things I fume at when people judge.

But certain things that directly harm children are nothing to do with judging but about giving a damn about the wellbeing of others.

If your child develops lung cancer as an adult do you not think they will judge you?

hercules1 · 04/07/2009 18:57

The smoke doesnt go out of the window, really it doesnt. You are kidding yourself.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 04/07/2009 20:54

Here is a report about research that was done into this subject in New Zealand. Although rolling down the windows does help a little bit, it is by no means the same as not smoking at all`and in fact is only the equivalent of exposing your child to the same sort of atmosphere that they would endure in a smoky bar versus exposing them to an madly, ridiculously, OTT smoky bar.

The same results were obtained in other studies - one in Ontario, and I can't remember the others, but the results are pretty consistent across the board. Rolling down the windows doesn't work.

onagar · 04/07/2009 21:50

I don't smoke in cars anyway, but if you have the windows open while moving the air is being replaced constantly. I'm not sure why anyone would question that? It's not a virus where you only have to catch one tiny portion to be infected. Hands up anyone who has ever said (in a car or a house) "I'll just open the windows to get some fresh air"

That research seems very confused or maybe badly reported.

"Traveling with a smoker in a car even with windows rolled down can be compared with an evening spent in a smoky bar according to the researchers"

That's a pretty unscientific statement.

Most journeys would be shorter than an evening in a bar.

In a bar there might be someone smoking all the time whereas the driver of a car might only smoke once.

They make no mention of speed so either this is based on a stationary vehicle or it didn't occur to the researchers that it would make a difference.

"The study has carefully measured the particulates or separate particles released into the air when a person smokes a cigarette while seated in a car"

Well guess what. The amount will be identical to that of a person sitting in a bar or standing in a field in a hurricane. It's the amount reaching/surrounding others that would be the concern.

They also seem to be comparing other pullution with the smoking particulates (not all of which are harmful btw), but since it's not clear what they were trying to say I can't argue with that.

onagar · 04/07/2009 21:53

Oh and anyone who drives a car around releasing poisonous fumes is scum and should be beaten to death with their own copy of the Dail Mail.

hercules1 · 04/07/2009 22:21

Onager I can only speak from experience having had to sit in the back seat of countless car journeys as a child with the front window down.

onagar · 04/07/2009 22:33

Yeah, you need two windows open really for it to work properly. Though it still must get rid of most of it. There is a difference between being able to smell smoke and the concentration needed to be harmful.

Personally I've never enjoyed smoking in a confined space anyway.

sweetkitty · 05/07/2009 08:47

But even smoking with the wondows down is yuck, what if it is raining do you roll the windows up?

I also don't want my children to stink of smoke, I stank as a child, so did my pets, everything. Was just telling DP about the countelss antibiotics I used to take for asthma and bronchitis as a child, probably not helped by my parents constantly puffing round me.

Can you tell I hate it?

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 05/07/2009 09:11

Hereis a clearly reported description of the NZ study.

onagar · 05/07/2009 12:05

Sweetkitty, you're entitled to not like the smell, but it's seperate from the whole "make it illegal because the scum are murdering children" thing that the OP thought everyone here would agree with.

I think it's yuck to stand next to a woman on a train who is wearing half a pint of cheap perfume, but I wouldn't insult her or want her arrested. That's just personal taste.

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