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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD got 5Bs in her SATS results and wants to celebrate, I don't

111 replies

DollopofClottedCream · 02/07/2009 11:54

I don't want to make a fuss of govt introduced soon to be disbanded/contentious/not worth the paper it's written on/policies

Nor do I want to make a fuss because I have other dc who may not do well in exams.

But then again she thinks she worked hard and so should be rewarded.

Help please.

OP posts:

jambutty · 02/07/2009 12:21

Yeah, what Bramshott said!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 02/07/2009 12:29

YABU not to celebrate your DDs achievement and effort. She's done really well and I'm sure your other DCs will put in just as much effort (even if the level attained is lower) and you can celebrate that too.

Sorry, not sure how old your DD is if she's doing SATs but I'm guessing old enough (and clearly bright enough) to understand if you can't afford a meal out for the whole family.

Maybe investigate lunchtime specials rather than an evening meal which is usually more expensive - DH and I often do this. Or explain that you can only afford Indian takeaway (or she could choose another cheaper restaurant - find some 2 for 1 vouchers to use as well!).

ConnieComplaint · 02/07/2009 13:50

You are being unreasonable and mean not to want to celebrate her efforts.

Dare I say it, you shound jealous of her achievements... I'm the only one in my family who went to uni & my mum never came to my graduation.. have you any idea how much that hurt?
Your line where you say, "Nor do I want to make a fuss because I have other dc who may not do well in exams." speaks volumes, it's not about them, it's about her!!

Your daughter is right when she feels she deserves some recognition!! Call the local Indian, ask if they do buffet menus, high tea menu, lunch time menu...there are cheaper times to eat out. It's not as if she asked for gold jewellery or expensive computer wares....

Mamazon · 02/07/2009 13:52

celebrate. and celebrate when your other Dc's work hard at something and are pleased with tehir achievments

herbietea · 02/07/2009 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GingerIgnoramus · 02/07/2009 13:57

bamboostalks · 02/07/2009 13:59

Interested as to how they calculate a 5B as you only receive L5s in my school. There is no mark guidance on that.

lljkk · 02/07/2009 14:06

Celebrate the event of leaving Y6 & starting High School, if naught else.

katiestar · 02/07/2009 14:09

Yeah I was going to ask that bamboo.It is 3 years since my DS1 did SATS but then you either got L5 or 4A,4B or 4C .has that changed ?

artichokes · 02/07/2009 14:11

i hope there is more to explain your attitude than you are admitting because you sound horrid.

you say "she thinks she worked hard" - do you not?

its not her fault that you disagree with SATS. she had to do them and it sounds like she gave it her all. for reward she is asking for a lovely time wit her family - c sweet and so shows she values you over plastic tat.

she sounds bright and loving. you do not.

bruffin · 02/07/2009 14:18

When DS did his 2 years ago, our school only gave the level 4 or 5 but teacher told us the raw scores and on another parenting site a teacher had posted the sublevel breakdowns, so I could work out what he got.

TwoSunnyDays · 02/07/2009 14:30

Just emphasise that the reward is for hard work!

DD had sports day yesterday and did really well, but her reward was for coming last in the skipping, not because she was last but because she refused to give up and finished the race.

avenginggerbil · 02/07/2009 14:36

I'm torn here. On the one hand, obviously want to celebrate achievements; on the other, feel strongly that success in (eg) exams is its own reward.

Likewise can't see why people who win medals for sport need the further reward of OBEs etc - but maybe that's a different debate).

AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 14:38

wouldn't she love it if you got a sitter and both her parents took her out?

abraid · 02/07/2009 14:40

It is better to reward effort rather than results, apparently.

snorkle · 02/07/2009 14:53

Wouldn't that cost about as much as all going out aitch?

I think you should scale back the celebrations to something affordable (remember you have to do this 4 more times just for year 6 SATS, and there will be other stuff that needs celebrating x5 too). A meal of her choosing at home with favourite pudding etc. & bottle of child friendly bubbly equivalent sounds entirely appropriate to me. Do emphasise it's the effort you are proud of rather than the results & that you'd be just as proud whatever she'd scored as long as she'd worked hard/done her best. Next time, have the celebration before the results are out (maybe the night they finish?).

Acinonyx · 02/07/2009 14:56

ConnieComplaint: 'I'm the only one in my family who went to uni & my mum never came to my graduation.. have you any idea how much that hurt? '

I had exactly the same experience Connie. It is very dispiriting when parents don't acknowledge achievements.

By this logic, op, you can never celebrate anything any of your dc do in case it shows favourism or assigns meaning where there should be none.

AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 15:01

what three people versus seven? i meant a free sitter, of course, a friend or family. people would be delighted to help i'm sure, to let this poor child celebrate her achievement (even if her mother thinks it's no great shakes... ).

snorkle · 02/07/2009 15:21

Well I can see the OPs POV & don't think she's being especially curmudgeonly. If you have 5 children & limited resources you need to keep celebrations in hand. I also think it's nice to celebrate stuff as a family, so everyone as well as the celebratee gets some benefit. If all the OPs children have worked hard this year, how about a celebratory trip to the beach with picnic? Pick out a highlight for each of them & do toasts as well if you like.

I'm not against celebrations per say, but the OP's dd sounds a little as though she's exploiting the situation to me.

AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 15:32

tbh the OP's first sentence didn't make it sound like a celebration was in order. i think it's important for children (especially the eldest of big families tbh) to have one-on-one time with parents. too often they get told to mind the other kids.

AitchTwoOh · 02/07/2009 15:32

GrimmaTheNome · 02/07/2009 15:41

Hum. I'm with AvengingGerbil on this. My immediate reaction was, heck, of course celebrate.

Then I thought back... I always got great exam results and never got any reward from my parents other a sincere 'well done'. [they did come to my graduations though - but I think I see that more as their reward for being supportive parents!] . The results were their own reward.

DDs school had them do Eng. and maths SATS papers this year (yr 5) and she got 5s - it never occurred to any of us that this warranted a present or meal out. She's pleased, we're pleased - isn't that enough?

Acinonyx · 02/07/2009 15:52

I agree in keeping any celebratory aknowledgement as non-material as possible. Something as simple as a heartfelt acknowledgement and choosing their favourite meal for dinner perhaps.

Original poster

DollopofClottedCream · 02/07/2009 17:12

Ok about time I answered a few queries:

Dh is stressed out at work/may be losing our failing business/may be not

Also am pleased for dd but she did NOT work hard or anywhere near it, so for results

By not working hard I mean she was on MSN most of the time and am finding it harder to monitor computer usage when so called hw is being done (hence puberty issues)

She also came first in sports day activities and a good all round pat on the back was all that was called for then

I am setting a precedent as she's my eldest and lots more dc to follow. I suppose it sounds mean but I did ok at school without my parents being overly giddy either (though they did come to my Masters graduation) I didn't even bother going to my BA graduation, let alone invite anybody.

OP posts:

pranma · 02/07/2009 17:16

It is s unfashinable to reward kids these days-it doesnt matter that its a rubbish discredited test.What matters is that she did so well.Do celebrate with her.

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