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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Omfgg i so wanted to say something!!

110 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2009 17:29

I was just walking along with ds1 and ds2 and I saw this little girl a bit younger than ds2 in a stroller, my first thought was "Oh unusual for a girl she is not very pretty" I looked up from the pram to see her parents a woman who looked about 15 and MY EX HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should probably explain, I got married in september 2003 and in October 2005 he left me. his reasons? well he had got his leave to remain in the UK and his passport. It was not until we split I found out his father had a wife already lined up for him and had done for 6 years. SO basically he married me so he could bring her over.

I am not sure how I feel I know I have moved on and had a baby with my new partner but.....
before we split he made me go through hell and always told me he couldn't have children.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2009 20:09

Spice it seems he lives in the same area as me and I mean close by....thankfully I am moving

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 21:18

"Greensleeves if someone had fucked me over the way it sounds like the OP's ex did her I would be thinking "haha, sucked in ugly baby!"

I think it's nasty, and vindictive, and letting yourself down. Hate him by all means, but don't sneer (even inwardly) at a baby who has done nothing wrong

but then I am quite soppy about little children

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2009 21:44

Greensleeves, I was not sneering at her. TBH I saw her before I saw him. And she was not the prettiest little girl and she was very boyish looking.

OP posts:
Morloth · 01/07/2009 21:51

I think Greensleeves was talking to me with the sneering TheLadyEvenstar.

I can be quite nasty and vindictive, TBH in the OP's case I probably would have done everything in my power to get him deported/arrested/beaten. I am not a particularly nice person. This doesn't bother me at all and I am therefore not letting myself down.

SerendipitousHarlot · 01/07/2009 21:55

pmsl @ 'letting yourself down'

I'm also soppy about little children - of course both of mine are beautiful - but come on, there are some right ugly buggers!

Kewcumber · 01/07/2009 22:13

I never ever thought that babies could be ugly until an in law of an in law brought her newish baby aorund and truly I had to fight the sharp in take of breath. The thought "man that is an ugly baby" couldn't be denied though.

She went on to have two more extremely ugly babies who all grew up to be perfectly fine looking young women.

But never again was I able to say "oh all babies are cute in some way". Live and learn.

CyradisTheSeer · 01/07/2009 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LynetteScavo · 01/07/2009 22:27

The OP's initial thought about the baby not really relevent - she might have thought "what a nice pushchair" or anything.

(For what it's worth when DD was born I thougth "oh unususual for a girl she is not very pretty" - thankfully she is georgous now.

what I want to know is did you acknowledge your ex - LadyEVenstar?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2009 22:32

Lynette, he spoke to ds1 and I but I just totally ignored him....for fear of not being very pleasent tbh.

OP posts:
maidenvoyage · 02/07/2009 21:39

I have to post here, my son was the ugliest new born baby you have ever seen, big lump on his head squinting eyes and i was embarassed to take him out the first few weeks. (difficult labour) then when he was a toddler he was the most stunning little blonde blue eyed child you ever saw. Got comments all the time lol, just wanted to say to call a child "not very pretty, ugly" is so sad when its the father you think is not very pretty, ugly

largeginandtonic · 02/07/2009 21:51

lollol between Greensleaves, Fenellafudge and sweetfalls i have barely climbed the thread for laughing to see it has all turned in to an ugly baby debate.

There are ugly babies around, shame but true.

More to the point though Lady what a nightmare situation for you. Well done for keeping your cool

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 02/07/2009 22:11

What so many seem to be unable to grasp is that I NEVER said anything at all and I NEVER said she was ugly, I said she was not very pretty...and also she looked very boyish (even though she was dressed in pink).

I don't think he is ugly actually he is not bad looking, but while his looks suit him they do not suit her iyswim?

OP posts:
muffle · 02/07/2009 22:12

Oh I have to confess to thinking "ooh, ugly baby" sometimes. Come on, if that thought has never crossed your mind you really must be a saint. Some babies look a fright and as many have said they tend to grow out of it. It has nothing to do with the beauty of the parents either.

I would never ever comment on it, in fact I always say what a lovely baby/what a cutie etc. And furthermore I quite like ugly babies - they often look like they have a lot of character and I feel just as "awwwwww coochie coo" about them as any baby.

I read the OP as her just having the thought and then having the shock of her life when she looked up and recognised the dad. Not as particularly gloating that he had an ugly baby, but whatever!

largeginandtonic · 02/07/2009 22:14

Sorry Lady, i know you didn't it was the rest of em.

Are you ok? Calm about it now? What did your dp say about it all?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 02/07/2009 22:42

Muffle YIPPEEEE WOOPEEEEEE YEHAAAAAAAAAAA at last someone got it!!!

Large he didn't say much tbh lol.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 02/07/2009 23:00

TLE...that guy does sound like such an ass....but you know what tehy say ...what goes around comes around....karma and all that!

As for the issue of a Baby being called not very pretty....my goodness...some Babies aren't/some children aren't and gasp, some adults aren't...that is life, why can't people hold whatever opinion they want...I certainly was one of the most ugliest baby/child ever....my looks have improved somewhat, lol...but I am not Kate Moss or anything, lol...luckily my Kids totally are super gorgeous, not that I am bias...but ds 2 was decidedly pretty and often mistaken for a girl

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 02/07/2009 23:20

Fair, we were out this afternoon for a meal as it is mums b'day there was ds1 in his uniform and ds2 in blue shorts blue t-shirt and blue shoes....yet 6 times I got told what a beautiful daughter I had ?????
"Oh She is so beautiful how old is she?

"HE* is 21 months"
Oh its a boy...
errrr yeah lol

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 03/07/2009 00:22

lol...yup...sounds very familiar...

alisha29 · 03/07/2009 00:26

hmmm

QuintessentialShadow · 03/07/2009 00:27

Appreciate you are shocked about meeting your ex, but show some sense. Even if you think a child is ugly, no reason to post that it is unusual to see a child who is not pretty?

Yes, I have seen the odd child who was quite plain, I am sure, but I am not judging little children on their looks, and I hope I have sense enough to keep my gob shut about it.

alisha29 · 03/07/2009 00:29
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/07/2009 04:14

Quint but i never said a word, it was a mere thought

OP posts:
bruffin · 03/07/2009 08:27

Ladyevanstar ignore them, you were being open and honest in your op and just stating your thoughts at the time.
I can't believe that anyone on this thread never had an uncharitable thought about a child or an adult in the street.

NeedaNewName · 04/07/2009 15:16

Hey Lady not fair - wasn't just Muffle, I stuck up for you ages ago!!!!!!!!

thumbwitch · 04/07/2009 15:37

TLE, I can see your point - your first noticing of the whole group was the not-pretty baby girl - if I was looking at pushchair level that would be what I saw first, and then I would look up to see what the parents looked like to produce a less-than-pretty baby.

So, your first reaction to the child is relevant otherwise you might never have bothered to look up and the other posters on here should just get over it. It's not like you went "URGH how ugly is that kid", is it now?

I know what you mean about dad's looks not looking right on a DD as well - a boss of mine's wife brought his daughter in (aged about 13m) one day - and we all thought: doesn't she look like her Daddy - NOT a good option for her as a girl!

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