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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told dp that this dress was innapropriate for our dd and to ask him not to shop for her in that shop again but to let her keep the dress.

127 replies

flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 20:57

Dp has bought this dress for dd

I have asked him before not to shop in M and Co as I think there children's clothes are inappropriate and cheap tat.

Dd had seen this dress when in there with a friend, she had saved her pocket money and so went with dp into town and bought it. She did not know that I had told dp that I did not want her to buy things in the shop but I think she suspected I would not like the dress.

When dd showed me the dress I said to her that I thought it was too old for her ( she is 7) and that if she had been with me she would not have got it.

I then felt guilty at undermining dp, she is is his daughter ( well not biologically but I doint see that that matters) so said that she did not have to return the dress. I also thought that dd must have been saving her pocket money for quite a while which is a good thing so I felt mean taking the dresd away.

Dp says I need to accept that dd is growing up and that I am too strict with her, he also feels that I undermine him. We had a huge argument the other week because I would not allow DD to have clothes with slogans or brandnames on or from Primark.

A similar thing happened with dd biological father when he bought her a tshirt liek this one for dd and I refused to let her have it

So Am I being a control freak with dd clothes? Am I undermining dp? Would you let her have that dress?

OP posts:
Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:18

5gomad tell them I am not a fuddy duddy!

When we have our garden party 5goamd it would be lovely if you and dd came.

OP posts:
chegirl · 30/06/2009 22:18

Er hem. Do you mind if I highjack before I go to bed - please?

There is one of these shops where my mum lives in Devon. We went to visit when my DD was over a year into her treatment for luekemia. She didnt have much hair left but wore a bandana with plaits attached and she looked beautiful.

Anyway they were having that MS Kylie modeling competition so DD entered. She had been so ill and it had been so bloody horrible. We didnt tell them that she had cancer and they later told me they though her hair was real so they didnt know.

SHE WON. She won. She was so pleased she always wanted to be a model (and a lawyer).

So she got to be one. She never got to be a lawyer but at least she got one of her dreams.

Sorry for the shameless highjack but this thread bought back a nice memory.

Please carry on

foxinsocks · 30/06/2009 22:19

aaah that is a nice memory

has made me smile

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:20

Now I feel awful chegirl.

I am one of the worst people on here for putting my foot in my mouth, or should that be keyboard in my mouth

OP posts:
GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 22:21

flatcap, she will bore if it soon enough, believe me. I know from past battles with my DD;s that the more I fight, the more they want, so if I am blase and 'bored', then they too bore and stop wearing said item.

the only thing I am left with (as regards to on-going battle) is school skirt length, and nothing on earth is helping me win that one when they leave the house.........clothing that I wash and don;t have to hand back, well that is easy to control

GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 22:22

oh chegirl, what a lovely memory

mrspooh · 30/06/2009 22:22

i thought it was a dress for an adult till i twigged your dd was only 7 so can see where you are coming from. at least it wasnt tarty but not something i would buy for that age. yes children have their own opinions but i think at that age you can make those decisions for them. i took a school trip to germany a few yrs ago and the tour guide told us to ask 2 16yr old to change as they had outfits similar to prostitutes, skirts that just covered bums and vest tops that didnt contain ample boobs, turned out both had been bought the outfits by their mums! difficult all round!!

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:23

I am not sure she will grow out of it, I posted on here when she was 5 about her love of all things black and was told she would get over it. Well almost three years later she is still at.

But who knows she may find a love of laura ashley at 13.

I spend most of my school day in school skirt battles/

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/06/2009 22:26

chegirl that is a lovely memory for you to have

flatcap is not a fuddy duddy and a garden party would be great.

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:27

Thanks

Did I say we are moving? Only ten minutes up the road. We have an invite to afternoon tea with the lady of the manor! DD will npt be wearing the pink and black dress.

OP posts:
angelene · 30/06/2009 22:27

Chegirl that's a lovely story, really touching.

GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 22:29

well, the colout thing maybe not, but that particular item will soon be boring.

DD3 is a black and pink girl, and suits it (altho at 10 I am not so keen)........oh, she like red too, which is fine with white, not so with black IYGWIM.

colours you really cannot control, they are personal to each of us, but going on my experience, style is fairly easy to manage while you wash clothing and put stuff away........it just gets 'lost' (how I will never confess).

it is just a case of working out what really upsets you, and what is irritating, and choose tha upsetting stuff to make a point on.

that said, right now, you cannot undermine her choice of how she has spent her money, especially while she was with her dad. hard as it is, this one time, you need to back down and hope like hell that the washing gremlins eat it, or she forgets it/get bored of it.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 30/06/2009 22:30

I'm beginning to wonder whether part of the issue here is how central clothes and appearance seem to be (maybe I've got this wrong) in your and her lives. It's great that she wants to work in fashion, but it's beginning to sound as if it's all about clothes and shopping for clothes.

Sorry to sound so po-faced but I am having increasingly frequent disagreements with dd about clothes and I think a better tactic for us may be to downplay the importance of clothes. Otherwise, dd is likely to develop a WAG level shopping habit!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/06/2009 22:31

No you didn't, email me with her name would be interesting to see if I know her (my parents probably do)

chegirl · 30/06/2009 22:32

Ta all .

flatcap why should you feel awful? Dont be daft. .

I remember when DD decided she would only wear sportswear my nightmare. She did start to grow out of it. I had always dressed her in a slightly boho non scruffy hippy way. So of course she rebelled by wanting joggers and polo tops .

Mind you, she looked absolutly beautiful in anything (I am allowed!).

BTW I think the pink and black dress is ok but would look a bit odd on a 7 year old. Its grown up but not in a tarty way so maybe its a grin and bear it situation. Save your energy for the thong, belly top and tattoo arguments?

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:36

She is not all about clothes although fashion and drawing is important to her. She also dances, rides horses, paints and loves science and maths. But MadBad I have had the same concerns as you, knowing how much her father and I like clothes I ahve worried if I have made her grow up too fast. She does not seem too different that her friends although she also spends time drawing and making clothes.

Did I mention that she does not want to just be a fashion designer she also wants to be a rock star. So she also spends time playing her electric guitar and making pop videos.

She is also very sporty, tonight she made herself a spreadsheet on excel that was an exercise timetable, complete with conditional formatting for when she meets her targets! She is quite an unusual child.

I have just remembered what she said when I put her to bed " When I wear my new dress I look just like Britne Spears"

OP posts:
Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:38

Will do, dd said the other day 5 gomad will know that posh lady in the big house!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/06/2009 22:38

I know I've come a bit late to this debate but I wouldn't let dd wear that dress (she's 11) as it would look very inappropriately sexy on her as she's getting breasts and it looks like a tight fit.

It might not look 'sexy' on a 7 year old but it would be too hard to say 'oh you can wear that sort of thing at 7 but not at 11'.

I'm fine with her in mini skirts (with leggings) as she looks like a kid in a mini-skirt but that dress is too 50's sweater girl, officey, older teenager - it's a style I could have seen myself wearing aged 23 with high heels.

To me it's more inappropriate than mini skirts.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/06/2009 22:39

oh and dd also wants to be a fashion designer (bless )

emkana · 30/06/2009 22:41

Most importantly the dress looks really really uncomfortable, not appropriate for all the ways in which a 7 year old would want to and should move.

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:49

Have emailed you 5gomad.

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Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:50

I think Laurie and emkana have nailed why I don't like this dress, but as the wise pyscho has said I will have to back down.

OP posts:
GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 22:53

oh, not wise, just well versed in the world of girls.

I understand completely why you don;t like the dress, and I too would try and persuade mine to not buy it (yep, even my teenage girls!), but like I have said, you need to go with the strong feelings (for me, skirt length not covering knickers, and spiky heels.......oh, and corsets!!), and let the smaller stuff go. you have a little more leeway that way.

not that it makes it ok, just that you feel like some control is still yours

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:57

God I can't even bear to think about corsets.

OP posts:
supersalstrawberry · 30/06/2009 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.