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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told dp that this dress was innapropriate for our dd and to ask him not to shop for her in that shop again but to let her keep the dress.

127 replies

flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 20:57

Dp has bought this dress for dd

I have asked him before not to shop in M and Co as I think there children's clothes are inappropriate and cheap tat.

Dd had seen this dress when in there with a friend, she had saved her pocket money and so went with dp into town and bought it. She did not know that I had told dp that I did not want her to buy things in the shop but I think she suspected I would not like the dress.

When dd showed me the dress I said to her that I thought it was too old for her ( she is 7) and that if she had been with me she would not have got it.

I then felt guilty at undermining dp, she is is his daughter ( well not biologically but I doint see that that matters) so said that she did not have to return the dress. I also thought that dd must have been saving her pocket money for quite a while which is a good thing so I felt mean taking the dresd away.

Dp says I need to accept that dd is growing up and that I am too strict with her, he also feels that I undermine him. We had a huge argument the other week because I would not allow DD to have clothes with slogans or brandnames on or from Primark.

A similar thing happened with dd biological father when he bought her a tshirt liek this one for dd and I refused to let her have it

So Am I being a control freak with dd clothes? Am I undermining dp? Would you let her have that dress?

OP posts:
Heated · 30/06/2009 21:42

Can remember buying with my own money a shocking pink dress out of Etam that I though was very grown up but never actually wearing it as 12 yr olds don't get invited to many soirees.

Doesn't look like it would last many washes and hideously impractical for what 7 yr olds usually get up to. Wouldn't make a fuss about it but start looking for a half-way house, maybe urban angel, fatface etc

emkana · 30/06/2009 21:43

I think the whole Kylie range is absolutely vile and I wouldn't let my dd (8) wear it, no way. It's just scaled down adult stuff, but horrible adult stuff at that!

Of the MandCo stuff this is more appropriate for this age, even though I don't particularly like it either.

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 21:43

Have bought her some things in fat face which she liked, she does love Catimini which I buy in the sale. I will look at urban angel.

OP posts:
GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 21:43

in that case, let some things go now so that you have more strength on the things that REALLY count.

you need to put in order the types of clothing.

ie, 1), the dress......10), the ethics of primark (for EG).

let the ones before 5 go, crack down on 6-10.

she might listen then

GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 21:45

aving said that, now DD1 is 15, she goes for shock value

she still only gets one wear tho............I still have very ultimate cotrol over the washing>

emkana · 30/06/2009 21:46

My dd still wants to look pretty and doesn't care about cool, and I'm pleased about that.

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 21:46

emkana she does have the polka dot prom dress which we customised and she wears with great pride.

M ad Co is the only shop we have in our little town that sells children's clothes which is how she ends up in there.

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 30/06/2009 21:49

I don't have girls

BUT - both dresses are like the stuff my dad use to want me to wear as a little girl and as a reulst once I was old enough to buy my own jeans wore trousers for the next 18yrs!

Lissya · 30/06/2009 21:50

I think the dress is too old for a 7yo, it's more of a teenagers design/cut/colour combination IMO, not right at all for a 7yo.

I can see why you don't like it as although it's not revealing, a teenage style will make her look older. As she's only 7, there's quite a few years left for teenage styles when she's, er, a teenager!

It's a bit of a grey area re picking your battles over what to wear. I think you are entitled to have final say on what your 7yo DD wears, and move more into compromise and negotiation as she gets older.

FWIW re style development, I wasn't allowed much leeway at all re fashion growing up yet have always been known to be the most individual and stylish (preen) amongst my friends and am often asked to help pick out outfits.

Even colleagues ask me to go shopping with them for advice. I design and customise a lot of my own clothes now and am pretty creative, so I wouldn't worry that you will be damaging her creative flair too much if you disapprove of something she likes age 7 - if she's got "it", she'll always have "it". You can't take it away

TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 30/06/2009 21:50

High heels with metal spikes psycho? Where do I get some of those?

Greensleeves · 30/06/2009 21:53

the dress is minging and cheap-looking - tarty, not slutty but definitely tarty

did he buy her some vile pink lipgloss and cheap hairspay to go with it? and some plastic shoes? Horrible, I would scowl and consign it to the cupboard (wouldn't bin it though)

the catimini one is OK if she likes it but a bit prissy for my tastes

for those saying "thank god I don't have girls" - I don't find boys any easier, I have taken to buying plain T-shirts and appliqueing them myself with suitable designs (planets and stars, for example, or cauldron/magic potion/black cats )

GhostOfPsychomum5 · 30/06/2009 21:55

new look and top shop!!!

the store girl was good tho. I stood in the queue saying loudly that you had to be 18 to buy shoes like that (when DD1 tried it).......she agreed and refused to allow DD1 to pay for them

of course, now, no chance......she goes with her friends, who persuade each other into such joys

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 30/06/2009 21:55

Dress is a bit grown up imo. T shirt is okat though. Don't have a problem with that

FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/06/2009 22:03

I would never have pictured your DD in that dress , the t shirt yes but not the dress.

pointydog · 30/06/2009 22:03

ONly read op. M& Co is one of the most popular shops for young girsl so I think it's hard-going on dd if she's not allowed to shop there.

I don't mind the stones t-shirt.

You do seem to be controlling about clothes.

pointydog · 30/06/2009 22:03

and yes, I think it undermines dp

melpomene · 30/06/2009 22:04

SomeGuy, your link does include this quote from the artist: "My design concept for the Tongue was driven by the following factors: the band's rebellious attitude to authority; Mick's mouth and the obvious sexual connotations." (my italics)

So not very appropriate for a child IMO.

Tidey · 30/06/2009 22:10

I have to disagree re: M & Co, I think their children's clothes are lovely. I wouldn't buy anything for myself in there, it's far too middle aged.

I think the Rolling Stones t-shirt is hideous, so would agree with you there. The dress is something my 10 yo DSD would love, so probably a bit too old for a 7 yo, but i don't see anything offensive about it, it's just a little to mature for her age.

The French dress is something only suited to under 4's in my humble opinion. I think you have to accept that children do start to choose their own clothes at some point. The 'growing up' part sounds a bit premature, but sense of personal style arrives at different ages.

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:10

The black and pink one 5gomad or my one!

I was so taken aback when I saw her in the black and pink one and can't imagine where she is going to wear it.

Pointydog I had never heard of M and CO before we moved down here so don;t think dd is missing out. WE have fat face, GAP, Monsoon. Next, Debenhams all withing a 40 minute drive and there is the internet as well as charity shops.

I don't want to undermine dp, but I do think that if I have said I dont want dd to have something he should respect that, just as I would respect his or her biological father's wished.

I am quite a controlling person so probably am controlling over clothes. I will try though.

OP posts:
Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:13

Dd dies gravitate to the Kylie section in M and CO which is not that nice, she has one or two bits from the normal ranges which are OK. The material and finish is not great but OK for play clothes. But yes Tidey the adults clothes are very middle aged.

I am trying to respect her sense of style and certainly admire it, but parenting isn't easy I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:14

Sorry awful typing, I am off in a minute as I have to finish some work.

OP posts:
stickybun · 30/06/2009 22:14

Have you asked her what it is she likes about it? Agree with others re. choosing battles - remember strict fuddy-duddy Mum and Dad sent me right of the rails when I was older. All I wanted was a pair of 'granny' shoes a bit of green eyeshadow and a school disco. Parents insane reaction to this meant that from an early age I felt they didn't understand me and had no wish to respect my burgeoning individuality . Rather than rebelling openly I became a very adroit liar who knew exactly where the line was and how not to let them know I had crossed it. I'm still not telling and I'm 43 and certainly not going into how I celebrated my O levels. Really, all I wanted was a bit of glitter and sparkle and fun I never wanted to be naughty at all

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:16

Yes I did sticky, she likes the fact it is fitted and the pink and black. Pink and black is a staple in her wardobe.

OP posts:
Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 22:17

I really am not a fuddy duddy either, on the rare occasions I post a photo of myself on here everyone comments on how unfuddy duddy like I am!

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/06/2009 22:18

The black and pink one, can see her dressing your one up with great aceesories.