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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told dp that this dress was innapropriate for our dd and to ask him not to shop for her in that shop again but to let her keep the dress.

127 replies

flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 20:57

Dp has bought this dress for dd

I have asked him before not to shop in M and Co as I think there children's clothes are inappropriate and cheap tat.

Dd had seen this dress when in there with a friend, she had saved her pocket money and so went with dp into town and bought it. She did not know that I had told dp that I did not want her to buy things in the shop but I think she suspected I would not like the dress.

When dd showed me the dress I said to her that I thought it was too old for her ( she is 7) and that if she had been with me she would not have got it.

I then felt guilty at undermining dp, she is is his daughter ( well not biologically but I doint see that that matters) so said that she did not have to return the dress. I also thought that dd must have been saving her pocket money for quite a while which is a good thing so I felt mean taking the dresd away.

Dp says I need to accept that dd is growing up and that I am too strict with her, he also feels that I undermine him. We had a huge argument the other week because I would not allow DD to have clothes with slogans or brandnames on or from Primark.

A similar thing happened with dd biological father when he bought her a tshirt liek this one for dd and I refused to let her have it

So Am I being a control freak with dd clothes? Am I undermining dp? Would you let her have that dress?

OP posts:
squeaver · 30/06/2009 21:09

Dress is not inappropriate just horrible.

As for the t-shirt, just can't get over what a sell-out the Rolling Stones have become - NEXT, ffs!! But actually nothing really wrong with it.

I think the fact that she saved her pocket money is laudable. And I think you need to chill out about on the clothes thing. I'm no expert on teenagers, but I think you're in danger of storing up a whole heap of trouble for 6 or 7 years' time.

HighOnDieselAndGasoline · 30/06/2009 21:10

I get why you think the dress is too old - I think it's the nipped in waist and 'strapless dress over shirt' look. But I suspect you might be fighting a losing battle.

If your DD is into fashion, and scoping dresses with her friends, then she is probably going to want much worst than that. You might need to compromise, and, as CarGirl says, hold out for the things that really are inappropriate.

wook · 30/06/2009 21:12

Well, the dress is fairly plain and looks about knee length, seems quite demure to me. The T shirt is cute. I thought from your outrage that the dress would be a sequinned mini and the t shirt would be one of those awful sexual slogans t shirts that you do sometimes see inappopriately young children in.
I have to say on balance that YABU imo. (Not to draw the line over certain garments- I would do that myself with dd) you undermine dp and dd here- she saved the money herself and exercised her individual choice- surely good things?

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 21:12

I suppose I have to accept she is growing up in some ways but I dont want her dressing like a teenager.

I just think the dress is too old for her, the skirt is like a pencil skirt and it is supposed to look like a strapless dress which is also too old.

But this keeps happening so maybe I am a fuddy duddy.

To show the contrast I went shopping for her while in FRance this weekend and bought her this which IMO is suitable for a 7 year old and she was happy with - althought she preferred the one from M and Co

OP posts:
HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 30/06/2009 21:13

Re the undermining, how is you stating that you would not have bought her a dress in a shop you have told him you don't want her clothes to come from, more undermining than him going off to a clothes shop and buying her a dress from that shop that you don't want her to get clothes from? I think he's as undermining as you are tbh.

foxinsocks · 30/06/2009 21:14

actually, to be fair, just looked on the website and it says the clothes and that dress are for sizes age 9+

ravenAK · 30/06/2009 21:14

I would honestly pick your battles.

OK, you don't like the dress, but a) no-one's asking you to wear it & b) it's perfectly 'respectable' - no sequinned jailbait slogans, no Disney .

If she's saved her pocket money she's learnt a great lesson about budgetting - ie. being careful with your cash gives you freedom & choices.

& your dp surely gets to exercise his own judgment if he's the one in charge of the shopping trip?

I think you just have to live with this one.

morningpaper · 30/06/2009 21:14

seriously, that dress is lovely but it's very ... well yes fuddy duddy

It's the sort of thing my mother would have bought for me in the 1970s

My 6 year old wouldn't let me wrestle her into something like that, much as I'd love to

fattybumbum · 30/06/2009 21:14

It's an ugly, cheap-looking dress and quite mature-looking too. Having said that, it doesn't say 'slut' on it or look massively tarty and it's obvious that your DD must have really fallen in love with it to save up her pocket money for it. I would say that you were right to let her keep it.

She is a human being with her own taste and I thnk it is right to start at least compromising on clothes with her (as long as they would not endanger her by being overly sexual). Part of developing as a human being is learning to have your own tastes and opinions. My god, when I think about some of the clothes I wore when I was young!

Have a big discussion in advance with both her father figures about appropriate/inappropriate clothing so that she won't be able to play you all off against one another but at the same time allow her to at least have the freedom of indulging in her own bad taste!

88 · 30/06/2009 21:15

I'd expect to see a 23yo office worker in this, it's about as appropriate for a 7yo as a twinset and pearls.

Feelingoptimistic · 30/06/2009 21:15

The tshirt is not really to my taste, but I think it's fine. The dress is just wrong - it looks like something a young girl would wear to her first office job, IYKWIM. I think you should let her keep it, but discourage her from wearing it... (put it at the back of the cupboard !!)

My DD is three and I buy her things that I would be happy to wear, but they are not "old" - things like skinny jeans with smock tops, etc.

foxinsocks · 30/06/2009 21:15

lol flatcap

that Catimini dress looks like it's for a 3 yr old tbh

mrsjammi · 30/06/2009 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Feelingoptimistic · 30/06/2009 21:16

88 - great minds think alike I see !!!

islandofsodor · 30/06/2009 21:17

Whilst the catamini dress is noce, there is no way I could afford those prices.

I like traditional style clothes and find that M & Co have more of a range that is to my taste (and budget) than other shops. Shame there isn;t a branch nearby.

I think you are being a touch precious to be honest. I have a 7 year old dd and she has very definate ideas about what she likes to wear. She knows I draw the lione at certain things but there is a danger of total rebellion if you are too strict.

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 21:18

Sorry lots of posts while I made a cup of tea, I am quite lax in what I let her wear. She went through a goth punk phase and I allowed her to do that. I have accepted that she will not be wearing pretty long dresses as a rule.

I don't like slogans because I dont want her to think she can judge people by where they can fford to shop. So although I let her buy quite a bit in Gap she has nothing that says Gap on it.

I am finding it hard to say what I dont like about the dress, maybe it is because it is qyute vile.

She is a tall girl hence her buying clothes aged 9m, she also adores Kylie.

I am quite willing to accept I need to e more relaxed though. Cargirl dp says the same as you, dd is stubborn ( she gets it from me) and he says I need to pick ybattles.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 30/06/2009 21:18

you draw the LION Ios? That seems rather extreme for the poor child

suwoo · 30/06/2009 21:19

My DD would rock that catimini dress with grey skinnies and her gladiator sandals or converse, not on its own.

GingerIgnoramus · 30/06/2009 21:19

God you are miserable

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 30/06/2009 21:19

I would let her wear the horrible thing as often as she likes so that the novelty wears off. Plus, she'll get food down it, mud on it and stains on it so she won't want to wear it anymore.

foxinsocks · 30/06/2009 21:20

oh flatcap, she sound fabulous. Saving money for dresses etc. To have gone through a goth punk stage by 7 is truly brilliant .

islandofsodor · 30/06/2009 21:21

These are more my style

www.mandco.com/Older-Girl-5-10-years/Dresses/icat/10030040160

www.mandco.c om/Older-Girl-5-10-years/Blouses/icat/10030040110

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 21:22

i bought her some other things from Catmimini which she loved but I can't find them. I was on a school trip and my students helped me pick it as I was very nervous buying her something. We bought her some gladiator sandals and a leather studded belt to go with it. She does love it but not as much as the pink and black number.

She does love her clothes, she wants to be a fashion designer when she is older and we do design and make clothes with her. Knowing this I ahve allowed her to buy things that have made me do that middle aged suck air through the teeth thing but not wanting to quash her interest or individuality I let her buy them.

OP posts:
hatesponge · 30/06/2009 21:24

YANBU in not liking the dress, I think its horrible.

But then again when I was 7, I was dressing in ra-ra skirts and velvet pedal pushers

I honestly think with this you have to pick your battles and save the veto for the REALLY bad stuff (which inevitably she will choose at some point)

The converse of course is having boys who quite honestly will wear whatever I get out for them and have absolutely no interest or care about their appearance at all.

As I am a total clothes obsessive (still have half a loft full of clothes from 10-15 years ago which are 4 sizes too small but which I can't part with) I find my DCs lack of interest far worse than liking the wrong things - although I know if she was my 7 year old I would still be trying to dress her in Monsoon flouncy numbers rather than anything like your DD chose

Original poster
flatcapandpearls · 30/06/2009 21:25

She is fabulous, and I do not want to limit her creativity at all. I always inwardly glow when I take her to a party and she looks different to everyone esle because she is independent and already has a sense of style.

WE go charity shop hunting for things she can customise or adapt and even at that age she has a real eye.

I tend to buy her clothes from ebay and Zara.

OP posts: