to regret giving my dd a gay packed lunch?

[pointydog]

Dd1 (12) was off on a fun school trip today with a mix of kids from high school.

I suggested a few things for her packed lunch this morning and she went off happily with a peanut butter sandwich, a fruitus bar, a kitkat, some dried apricots, a tub of home-made muesli and a bag of chipsticks.

The tuff kids laughed at her lunch - snorting particularly loudly at the apricots - and called it gay.

I feel like the mum in About A Boy.

Apparently around as a playground insult since the 1970s according to BBC report

Oops, sorry that should be 1980s.

LG - what did you mean by more visibility [dim pregnant lady emoticon]

DD has several gay friends in their late teens, all of whom have suffered homophobic abuse at school and elsewhere - but I've heard them all refer to things/situations as gay. I'm not sure if they are 'reclaiming the word', or really just not seeing the connection...

We had this at Guides a while ago,

"That's sooooo gay"
" You're sooooo gay"

Luckily lots of posters went up all around town with "Some people are gay, get over it"
on them and the local high schools did some diversity training, seems to have helped a lot.

We also told them that if they wanted to "Diss" any sector of society they would not be welcome in our organisation,

Thanks for that link LeninGrad. I had an interesting chat with dd about it. I'm afraid that she initially thought people shouldn't tell anyone if they were gay. It was great to see Phyllida Lloyd on the list as she loves Mamma Mia, so that was a good focus point for our conversation. She thought it very wrong that I said John Barryman was sexy! She then told me that ds wanted to be gay when he grew up (I suspect this is just about avoiding girls though).

I think that there are a lot of people who think it's OK to be gay so long as no one else has to know about it. So probably lots of latent homophobic outrage coming to the fore with the increased visibility. I don't think that so many children would be homophobic if their parents weren't either openly anti-gay or just "don't like to talk about that sort of thing". All of our children do or say thoughtless things at time, but parents should be there to get them to think about what they say and what they mean.

LG - iswym. Yes probably true.
Nooka - I thoroughly agree with you. It is up to parents/carers to talk through these issues with their children and challenge bigoted language before it becomes habitual/entrenched. Imo a lot of people are too casual about this kind of thing.

So your food was happy and frivolous then

Barrel of Monkeys
It was in widespread use in Canada in the mid/late 1970s.

Lenin, I can remember some girls getting taunts of 'lesbian' when I was at school in the 70s. It was directed at girls who weren't bothering with make-up, fashion, obsessing about boys. That was a period when feminists were often called 'lesbian' as a way of distorting and demeaning their refusal to endorse a particular image of what it was to be a woman.

So in those days I think that the use of a homophobic remark as an insult was influenced by misogyny, perhaps even as much misogynistic as it was homophobic.

And as I said before I think that in origin the use of 'gay' to mean 'rubbish' is to do with males dismissing 'feminine' males as 'gay', so involves despising something thought of as female.

Attitudes towards women seem to be very bound up in these homophobic insults.

that is an interesting insight, guvk, and quite persuasive as lesbian/dyke what ever hasn't migrated in meaning and if used as an insult deliberately suggests someone is gay.
Or, it might be that lesbians are relatively less visible ....and so ....mmm, can't quite figure that one out.

"Gay" has been around as an insult in primary schools for ages, it's not new. Sort of means "uncool", "rubbish", "Weird", but nothing to do with sexuality.

Not exactly a healthy, non-teeth rotting, balanced meal for lunch though was it?

Oh my now am starting to get dizzy- this thread is going round in circles!

Am amazed at the amount of posters who think it has "nothing to do with sexuality".

Bah!

micra

"nothing to do with sexuality"??

i can promise you that when it was used 30 years ago (agh, i'm old) in the playground we all knew that it was very much an insult based on sexuality.

And even if the children don't know better, we do ....

Gosh been a couple of days since I last posted so will try and keep reply as short as I can

To the person who asked if I was calling them a bully....YES I AM! Why? Because my opinion (which I have a right to) is in the minority on this topic and you....knowing full well you have the backing of people with similar opinions as you (ie the majority) deliberately took something I said and wrote pmsl at the end in what I feel was an attempt to belittle me (in other words trying to raise a laugh from others at my expense and also classed as ganging up). Does it bother me?.....not at all coz I aint getting on my high horse about it just saying stop being hypocritical by doing something that you're trying to condemn! (Interesting how many people do that on this sites discussion topics theres no need for the aggression when someone has a different point of view!)

The person who asked how I know my cousin doesnt mind being referred to as lezza? Because my family are always up for a laugh and are chilled out and she was the first person to call herself lezza.....she see's it as something to be proud of not something to have a silly spoilt brat temper tantrum about!

I know many people on here don't agree with my view and you're perfectly entitled not to.....again I wont lose sleep over it, but I still can't see the big deal if it was meant as banter, if it was meant as a form of bullying thats a different matter and the school should deal with it accordingly.

no, the "pmsl" was because your post about harmless insults made me laugh

pmsl means "I am laughing", not "I am aiming to make everyone else laugh"

but crying "bully" is fairly similar to crying "I'm a persecuted minority" (ironically enough" or "PC gorn mad"

You're an ignorant bigot, my dear - that's why people are disagreeing with you

but if you prefer to huff and puff and claim that you are being "ganged up on", by all means knock yourself out

No it wasnt it was a deliberate attempt to belittle someone! It aint my fault if people on here need to chill the fk out coz they make mountains out of molehills! You create the very problems that you say your trying to avoid, the pathetic cries on here from you just end up being counter productive! I dont give a shit if hundreds of people with no sense of humour and take life too seriously want to disagree with me, I never said anyone had to agree with me......coz unlike certain people on this thread I accept that people are entitled to think differently even if others dont agree....so I suggest you piss yourself laughing back into your world of hypocrisy, if anyones the ignorant bigot its YOU!!!! You have a problem accepting a difference of opinion, stupid and pathetic IMO!!!

Had I wished to "belittle" you it would have been a lot more obvious

although I think I would have had my work cut out

the thread is, strangely enough, not all about you

I responded to your posts which struck me as ridiculous as well as offensive

you seem very agitated though, perhaps you should consider stepping away for some deep breaths and a cool drink?

I'm entitled to my opinion, you're entitled to yours....we dont share the same opinions but then the world would be boring if everyone was the same.

I only made a point about bullying and banter being 2 different things....again as on other threads some people cant seem to accept a difference of opinion!

Heres a newsflash.....this thread aint all about you either luv!

Is it not? That would be why only six of the 400 posts are mine then