To be annoyed with xDP for taking off the condom

[Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

ok, I have been single for a long time but have still regularly sleeping with xDP, we have never used condoms and we had a condition that if we slept with anybody else unprotected we would tell each other and start using condoms.

Recently I ended up have unprotected sex and told xDP about this and he came over last night and we ended up getting together, we used condoms but when he was taking me from behind he took off the condom.

Then I got annoyed with him for being so stupid, I was still annoyed at myself for being so stupid, and was lecturing him about STDs and had a go at him and he said it wasn't all his fault, which I felt very about because I still love him and wanted to wear a condom because I didn't want to risk passing anything on.

so, AIBU to be annoyed at him?
And is he BU to think that it is partly my fault when I didn't even want him to have unprotected sex with me?

Do you really trust your ex not to have unprotected sex with other people? Really?

Apparently you can't trust him to have protected sex with you.

question - are you trying to get deliberately pg by your ex? sounds like it.

Nahui, I have been with xDP since I was 18 and have never slept with him protected (but have used contraception since DC came along) I am young yes, and have been told I am very niave, it is maybe time for me to grow up a bit.

ZQ, probably stupidly I do/did trust xDP to not have unprotected sex, as fas as I know he hasnt had any kind of sex.

Nancy, I have a coil in, I said that further up, what makes you think I am deliberately trying to get PG by him?

Sorry - didn't read that.

Your ex was wrong in whipping off the condom but, to be frank, that's because he has no respect for you.

There is so much wrong I don't know where to start!

OK, I assume that you are protected in some way from pregnancy otherwise you're being even sillier.

Secondly, the way you talk about your ex, there are obviously big issues there for you. Without wanting to go into your history, is this relationship beyond salvage?

i cant go gym, etc mrs jammi i have young dc

I know you are right, I just have trouble disconnecting myself.

It would seem he doesn't even want to talk to me ever again now, not even to talk about the DC, he has been throwing everything inmy face this morning.

YABU as you are a grown woman who should take responsibility for doing the right thing

you have unprotected sex with other men, but get cross with your ex for doing the same

get thee to teh STD clinic.. if you can;t trust ex to use a condom with you, gawd knows where else he has been dipping his wick

coil won't protect you from STIs which i'd worry about more than pregnancy in your shoes

you sound deeply unhappy and you need to rememeber he is an ex for a reason and getting together for sex is clearly not helping your state of mind

you say you still love him, but he is taking advantage

you can do better

maybe it would be a good idea not to sleep with anyone else until you have a clean bill of health and are more settled in your mind as to what and who you want

Yes it is eyeballs, he has been extreemly violent in the past(leading to a crimal record), I don't know why I just cant get shot. I don't understand it. I KNOW he is wong for me, am scared of him when he gets angry, yet I am addicted to him.

The reason I dont have friends is because when we were together I wasnt allowed any, and I havent had the confidence to go out of the house, let alone meet new people.

Nahui, my DC is too young to know really, but you are right, if it goes on any longer it could really mess him up

You don't have the confidence to go out of the house or meet new people yet you've shagged another bloke recently?

Lulumama, I have been separated from xDP for a long time, and this is the first time I have slept with anyone else. He spun me a web and I walked right into it, told me that he really wanted to be with me etc etc, then when I finally slept with him he fucked off the next day and hasn't spoken to me since

Spicemonster, i met him on POF, we had been talking online for quite a while.

Ok, i DO leave the house, but it takes a lot to do it, even to do the shopping, i find it hard and feel socially inept so find it hard to talk to people or make eye contact whilst i am out.

This new guy seemed really nice and seemed to care about me a lot, i guess i fell for his crap because i rarely get affection from anyone other than my dc

Learn from your mistakes and make a new start. Beginning with:

making an appointment at your local GUM clinic

Buying yourself a packet of condoms and carrying them on dates (never rely on the bloke to have them.)

Thank you reality that would be great, and thank you everyone else offering support/common sense, i have to go out now but will be back later

I think that people have been harsh here and quite judgemental. Mnet morals at its best!

Grrrrrrr - if you were still screwing your ex, and happy about the situation and just doing it to get your jollies, then i would say to you - GO GIRL, have fun, but make sure you protect yourself. (you dont know that he isn't having unprotected sex elsewhere). But you are not doing this for sexual reasons, you are doing this because you are lonely and you need his "affection".

I dont want to pass comment on his motivation as i don't know what it is. But all this is doing is ruining your self esteem.

It is lonely being a mum, even with a partner. You have to put yourself out there though. It might be good if you could find yourself a new circle of friends. Do you have children under 5? If so, then HOMESTART is a brilliant organisation for parents. They will often run really great parent groups and even if thats all you use it for, its a couple of hours out of the house a week. But you will make friends. Sign up for a positive parenting course - no reflection on your parenting, just something to focus on - but another excuse for getting out there, having a coffee and making friends with other parents, single or otherwise.

You need to give yourself something else in your life apart from this man, because one day he may well meet someone else and there will be no visits for sex or anything else.

Waves frantically at Korma (i'm LEM in disguise!)

I have been harsh but in my defence if you read the OP in isolation there is nothing in there about being lonely and the OP's ex being a horrid bully. Just sounds like not a very sensible or grown up approach to sex.

This is another IABU by stealth

spice - re read the OP, if you read between the lines, you can see that this irresponsible behaviour is that of someone who is feeling quite vulnerable and lonely.

He may be your ex partner, but sounds like he's still your boyfriend, even if a casual boyfriend.
It seems strange to call it "unprotected" sex if you have a coil in. To me unprotected sex means sex with no protection from getting pregnant ie not contraceptives at all.