not holding out much hope at this time in the morning but ....i've been asked to go on holiday......

[Tortington]

with my best friend next year. discussed with dh - who although not exactly thrilled - has been more or less pleasant about the whole thing.

then today i get a phone call off a nother friend inviting me on holiday in Sept.

my youngest are 16 - don't really need parenting beyond cerfew food and moral standards!

Sh treid to say that money was the issue - but its just not.

then he admitted that he was very very irked/annoyed - that i get to go on hols twice whilst he who " works almost twice the hours that you do...ok i know it's my own fault but still" won't get to go on holiday

this is becuase - well our kids are 16. they don't want to come on holiday with us - in a discussion only 3 months ago, i told him that the kids wouldn't want to come on hols if we planeed one, and i didn't partic wan to spend two weeks looking at his ugly mush.

needless to say i get the first holiday - but not the second - becuase he won't get a holiday - i think is the jist of it.

and thats not my bloody fault

so AIBU to want to go on holiday with my mates ...twice

i think i am aren't i!?

Do you really not want to go on holiday with him? Why don't you go with your mates but also plan something for you and DH. You could just go for a mini-break type thing as a compromise? Or could DH arrange to go with some of his mates?

Morning!
No, you're not the only one still awake, and I don't think you're being unreasonable.
What he needs to do is plan a treat for himself as well, if you don't have to worry too much about the children then it's time for you both to suit yourselves.
I get two holidays a year because my OH hates holidays away with his family. So I go away with boy and then with girl and leave the remainder at home with their father.
Everyone is happy, and he takes time off for himself when he chooses.

YABU for having enough money to go on holiday twice.

can't see past my own jealousy to give you a reasonable response.

I think saying you didn't want to go on holiday with him was probably a little bit tactless maybe (probably true, but maybe not what he wanted to hear...) I bet he's been

I don't think YABU in principle to go away with your friends though, not really. We haven't had a family holiday this year, but I had a girl's weekend away (it wasn't appropriate for the DCs, and DH wouldn't have wanted to go anyway) and I'm doing it again next year (twice actually) but DH is OK with it. Your DH isn't so maybe the compromise of only going on one is a good idea, although strictly speaking it's not like it's two holidays in one year. It;s a holiday this year and another next year.

That's all a bit 'sitting on the fence' isn't it? Sorry

Posted too quick

I bet he's been brooding, that should say.

gosh your all so fab - he actually ACTUALLY said "post it on MN and lets see shall we"

he hasn't got the kind of friends that go on holiday IYKWIM. and i did mention that i think part of it is sour grapes becuase there is no chance of quid pro quo.

if we did arrange a holiday i would get " SOME people get THREE holidays ...blah blah nag nag" and i couldn't get that kind of time off work. and we would have to take the twins. then it costs a fortune.

do you really think i am being perfectly reasonable to leave my hard working husband alone ...or/and in charge of 16 yr old twins ...TWICE?

i did also mention the "not in the same year" thing

and well he just pulled that 'splitting hairs' face

tell him you are going on both. End of. If you want to go then why shouldnt you? Yanbu

well i can't do that, despite my protestations to the contrary, i really am in a partnership and if he feels wounded and martyred then fuck him we need to discuss things like pissed off adults

could you not leave the twins at home whilst you went away together?

he could always take a pretend holiday in the house. pop on a sombrero and sip cocktails etc.

och, just throw stuff at the poor bugger until he relents.

throwing stuff - theres a plan

no, nappy - it will be a cold day in hell before i leave teenagers in charge of my lovely house!

Could he do or buy something special for himself that isn't a holiday? Something like season football tickets, etc.? Is there some 'splurge' he is craving that is about the price of a holiday - big new telly, motorcycle, etc?

Figure out a way he can treat himself to something special so he doesn't feel hard done by, and then you can go on two holidays with your mates without grief.....providing finances allow, of course.

equiv in £...i see your thinking. I might accidentally on puropse spill a whole kettle of water over his computer.

What are his hobbies? Does he need some new equipment for one of them - fancy new fishing rod, for example? What about tickets for a weekend away at a Formula One or Grand Prix race (or some equivalent)?

Maybe a 'green light' to indulge himself in some way would stop him being grumpy about your active social life!

Maybe he could take your youngest 2 camping for a week?
[evil ]

I would go. It's not like you are going to do it all the time is it??

You deserve it. That's the mantra i would have if it were me lol.

um - one holiday is in September and one is next year - it isn't like they are both in the next week. The September one is during term time so presumably the kids will be occupied - so I think he is being a bit mean.

Although I also think you are being a bit mean too - to not want a break with DH somewhere - how about just a few days somewhere where you can both do your own thing a bit too (is he a golfer, or a fisherman ?).

I think after raising 16yo twins you deserve a couple of holidays. It's not as if it's a regular thing. I'd go with the above and see if there is anything he would like as a pay off. It's not as if he's going to be changing nappies, is it?

But then I speak from the other side. DH is going on a cruise with some friends for a 40th birthday next summer. Too expensive for us both to go and DD is too young really so I'm playing the martyr here a bit Don't really mind though.

ah - just read the bit about expense with taking the twins and not wanting to leave them in house alone.

I can understand that. But how about having a holiday at home - both take a few days off and go visit your local area - bet there are places you have never been - there always are where you live.

Custardo yanbu. Go on both hols and have a fab time >

Absolutely go on both holidays. You've raised them kids for 16 years, now the're old enough to be left with their dad for a week while he works and you're away.

DO IT.

This life is for you to live a bit as well. Not to be a matyr (yeah, spelled wrong I know) to your dh and kids.

Your dh will sulk. Mine would sulk. Tough.

Custardo is there anyone they could stay with? Otherwise suggest he splurges out on something new for himself.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, tbh, just because you won't holiday with your DH. If you wanted to do all 3, and could afford all 3, fine. If not, one of each would be fairer.