not holding out much hope at this time in the morning but ....i've been asked to go on holiday......

[Tortington]

with my best friend next year. discussed with dh - who although not exactly thrilled - has been more or less pleasant about the whole thing.

then today i get a phone call off a nother friend inviting me on holiday in Sept.

my youngest are 16 - don't really need parenting beyond cerfew food and moral standards!

Sh treid to say that money was the issue - but its just not.

then he admitted that he was very very irked/annoyed - that i get to go on hols twice whilst he who " works almost twice the hours that you do...ok i know it's my own fault but still" won't get to go on holiday

this is becuase - well our kids are 16. they don't want to come on holiday with us - in a discussion only 3 months ago, i told him that the kids wouldn't want to come on hols if we planeed one, and i didn't partic wan to spend two weeks looking at his ugly mush.

needless to say i get the first holiday - but not the second - becuase he won't get a holiday - i think is the jist of it.

and thats not my bloody fault

so AIBU to want to go on holiday with my mates ...twice

i think i am aren't i!?

I have 5 kids including twins...I went to centre parcs with my friends in may, going to butlins for a girlie weekend in january and then back to centre parcs in may again next year.
Dh is not over the moon but he chooses not to go away with his brother etc... so thats that.

Go and have fun

i am flabberghasted - truly. that the tone of the thread is predominatly "go!"

DH is verymuch of the opinon cat stated - that its kjust not fair.

we weren't planning on going on holiday - he was fine with that. i get offered to go this year and suddely it's not fair. even though i can't make it fair becuase he has no-one to do this kinda thing with - except me - and whilst i don't mind a dirty weekend - i know thats just not going to cut it.

i suppose i could now make him take us all on holiday in a kind of " well you said it wasn't fair for me to go on holiday, so if you want to go - lets go" kind of way.

a holiday that i would have to research and plan - becuase he doesn't give a shit about going on holiday - its just ;not fair; for me to go

i am geting increasingly angry actually - there is this competetive sreak that i thought was down to the fact he has brothers - that i just don't get being an only child.

and its purile and childish.

we dont want to go on holiday with eath other. i don't want to research it, sort the house out, sort the kids out, sort the bloody dog out. to end up going away so he can spend 6 nights shitfaced and we can spend 5 days rowing.

Go

he could go on soul searching solo adventure or some such shite.

as long as there ws a pub!

oh just go Custardo - let him spend some £ on something that he wants (however much you hate it ) and go and have fun!

(having said that I do totally understand your mixed feelings about it )

Custardo, I think you should go on both holidays. Don't miss out on the opportunities. Let your DH sulk about it as much as he wants because he'll get over it.

Custardo Go as has been said before you don't do this every year so this is just a one off year.
Why do you have to research a holiday if he wants to go.
Tell him if he wants to go he should do it and you'll be there.
I know now you will be feeling guilty whatever you do and your dh will feel guilty whatever he infuences you to do so good luck with sorting it.

I think that you should go on both, if it's really true that he doesn't want to go on holiday with you and the twins.

Because basically, he just doesn't wnat you to have something that he doesn't even want to have himself, does he?

But you should also let him know that he will get some additional 'time off' iyswim, to have at home getting drunk doing that brass-rubbing course he's always fancied.

thats it exactly OBM.

well i'll let him have a read of this thread tonight

i would go on both and not give it a second thought

Definitely you should go. Definitely he should get his backside in gear start thinking about what he would like to do - be it a weekend away with you with DC safely locked out of house parked with friends or something on his own. Not going away and not getting a break is not good for him, and not even good for his work.

(FWIW I have the same issue with days/nights out with my friends - DH has no friends so there is no quid pro quo, so he just sulks )

It's not fair, but things often aren't fair. If he doesn't want to go on holiday then he should (assuming you can afford it) have a "treat" of some kind that is in some way comparable to a holiday.

I know someone said that already but I am backing it up!

I do see where you're coming from in terms f feeling a bit guilty about it but, ffs, life's too short. Go on holiday with your mates!

But, yes, there should be some sort of quid pro quo. He needs to get some kind of equivalent "treat" in return.

Having said all that, imagine if someone was posting on here saying "my dh has booked two holidays away with his mates, leaving me at home with the dcs etc etc"

What would we all be saying then???

Would you let him do the same? If so then go.

just go.

he will sulk of course, but being a man he will get over it as he will want you to cook tea and have sex and talk to him so he can tell you "its not faaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiirrr all over again

Depends Squeaver, if they backed it up with "of course, I don't actually want to go on holiday, I just don't think it is fair" I think we would be pretty clear with our feelings about it wouldn't we? (MN being so honest and intolerant to whinging and all )

Custardo, he is being selfish. If he had something he wanted to do instead then it may be fair enough but he doesn't, he just wants you to comply to his wishes. That is not right or fair, you should be very clear IMO. If he can come up with something better then fair enough, if not he can go and whinge to his mates about it and leave you alone!

Go on both holidays, you lucky woman!!!!! It's not like they're a few weeks apart or you have very young children that he would have to look after! He'll sulk but he'll get over it. Children always do Bribe him with some treat or other to shut him up.

I get the "face like a smacked arse" look from dh sometimes when I go out with my friends (bloody hell, I only go out with them about three times a year + a girlie camping weekend ) but just because I have friends and he doesn't, shouldn't mean that I can't enjoy it either.

Go and have fun and come back relaxed and refreshed and raring to go!!!

thank you - you have reassured me that i am right - i'm still not going however we had a blazing row discussion that wasn't getting anywhere.

he read the thread and said " theres only one person with any sense on there" must have been someone who agreed with him!

thanks again guys - all is good in the custy house