Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Probably, but he threw my dinner in the bin!

103 replies

Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 22:44

So, DH has been in a crappy mood today (well he is most days tbh). He cooked tea for us all earlier, but just as he served it up I realised my period had started. I dashed upstairs to sort myself out and he called me, I said I'd only be a min. He got cross and stood at the bottom of the stairs - I stood at the top in my pants and said that I would not shout downstairs what I was doing, I would only be a second. He shouted back that he had thrown my dinner in the bin.

I walked out.

DS2 still has bedtime milk from me, I feel guilty for him, I shouldn't have left him really, but honestly I can't deal with that sort of behaviour.

I have just got back from a family party that I otherwise wouldn't have attended, and have eaten some toast.

Was I wrong to walk out?

Am I brave enough for your replies?

OP posts:
burningupinspeed · 27/06/2009 23:53

Did he turn into an arse because of having children, or because of you not working?

NOT THAT either is okay!

Your children are beautiful. You look so happy in your pic. Gorgeous too.

thumbwitch · 27/06/2009 23:55

Washers, are you sure you're still in love with him? Or are you in love with the him you knew when you were 17? Cos that "him" might have gone for good.

Does he not like you being a SAHM? Does he object to being the sole earner?

Or is he just an immature, arsey git who can't understand why the hot chick of his youth has changed into a tired, snappy, mum of 2? (lovely pics btw)

Yurtgirl · 27/06/2009 23:55

Washers - I have just looked at your profile
Your quilt is fab
So is your wedding photo - how long ago was that?

You are BEAUTIFUL in that photo - a seriously gorgeous girl - dont let him make you feel otherwise

I am going to bed now but thinking of you

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:58

My sister is 10 years older than me so we never had that kind of close relationship when I was younger - she lived in France for a few years when I was at school and I hardly saw her.

I'm a pita, I can't be doing with certain people.

I have made up with my brother tonight after a long standing disagreement so not all is terrible.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 28/06/2009 00:00

washer his has really sadened me and made me sooo at the same time.

you and your children will thrive when you remove this man from your life.

show your children what it is to be a strong confident independant woman who has respect for herself.

Jux · 28/06/2009 00:02

Sorry I misunderstood Washersaurus.

I would still not worry much about it tbh.

What I would worry about is that you are sooooo under his thumb that you have to come on here to find out that your dh's behaviour is unreasonable and not your own. That is worrying, really it is.

You really do need to sort this out before your kids get much older or you know your ds will start talking to you like that. Your dh is a bullying twat.

Original poster
Washersaurus · 28/06/2009 00:06

Thank you everyone, at least I can go to bed not worrying about BU. I think both DS' will need a big hug in the morning.

I'm going to go to sleep now - I'm so tired (and the wine is wearing off)

OP posts:
moondog · 28/06/2009 00:06

He sounds like an utter twat.
(Well done to you btw for breastfeeding for so long.That is a wonderful thing to do for your child. Truly special.)

booyhoo · 28/06/2009 00:07

re-read this thread in the morning washers.

Original poster
Washersaurus · 28/06/2009 00:09

Oh gawd, I'll be cringing when I read this tomorrow no doubt!

You are all wonderful people btw, I love you all (in a saturday night post-party kind of way)

OP posts:
pickyvic · 28/06/2009 00:13

darlin he would have been wearing the bin if that was me....
what a twat. take care of yourself girl...x

thumbwitch · 28/06/2009 00:18

Washers I hope you'll be thinking "Yeah, why DO I put up with this bollox?", not cringing.

I can't help noticing from your posts that you seem to be slightly sidestepping the issue of your DH's behaviour here - please remember that HE is the unreasonable one, not you.

MissSunny · 28/06/2009 00:32

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 28/06/2009 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dawntigga · 28/06/2009 07:04

OMG! Get him some special shampoo, but Imac in it (or whatever it's called this week!). It doesn't do much at first but eventually it makes the hair weak and brittle - you have to mix it well in the bottle. Don't ask how I know this

Seriously, (althought I'd still do the above) you have to evaluate your situation. You can tell by the responses you have had this isn't normal or healthy. You need to decide if you want to carry on with this man as is, carry on with counselling or leave. Only you can make that decision but make no bones about it this is emotional abuse! Not having a bad day, not just one of his moods it is abuse.

SMOOCHES!

dxx

dawntigga · 28/06/2009 07:05

put Immac not but Imac!

Original poster
Washersaurus · 28/06/2009 08:20

Well apparently, IABVU as DH says he didn't really throw my dinner in the bin (and I'm a stupid bitch).

Feeling a bit sad, as he is now saying he is cancelling the camping trip next week. DS1 was really looking forward to the ferry trip. I suggested DH took them without me as I don't drive - he looked at me in horror. I have told him he is a totally selfish bastard and will have to explain to them why they aren't going now.

All MY fault, he says....

OP posts:
MaryBS · 28/06/2009 08:24

Aw no please, you can't let him do that! He is a control freak! It'll break your kids hearts! If you don't drive, is there anyone who can take you?

burningupinspeed · 28/06/2009 08:35

Oh Washersaurus you should feel not - he is being a twat! Sorry... well no I'm not sorry for saying it but I am sorry for you. If he didn't throw it in the bin why the fuck did he say he did? That is twattish. Why is he cancelling the camping? Is he generally a shit of a man?

Longtalljosie · 28/06/2009 08:55

Washers - he sounds horrid. And controlling. If he does pull this camping malarkey, make sure your children know you want to go as much as they do.

Thumbwitch - on behalf of people from services families everywhere -

amisuchabadmummy · 28/06/2009 09:00

what reason is he giving for cancelling the camping trip? because he made an arse of himself?

take them yourself. spend money on taxi's. or take them away somewhere else without him.

what a dickhead.

AlistairSim · 28/06/2009 09:04

You poor thing

Does he often punish the children to get at you?

sweetfall · 28/06/2009 09:05

Hang on a second.

I might have the wrong impression but the OP is a snapshot in time (and yes a ridiculous, twattish reaction to bin a dinner for either sex) but did you later say that you've been sniping at each other for weeks? Do you not think you should step backwards and look at the whole last period in your relationship.

It's a very 'girl' thing to throw a dinner in a bin, and when you actually read it you see that he pulls his weight in childcare (which you commented on - how would you feel if he commented on how you dress your DS?) and made dinner. That you have been niggling at each other for weeks and that you disappeared from the table without saying something like 'oh I need the toilet, back in a moment' and that could very well be the straw that broke his back. Imagine if the roles were reversed.

Yes a twattish reaction to chuck dinner in the bin but reading between the lines and I will admit readily I MIGHT BE TOTALLY WRONG there is far more going on than just a 'bully' not letting you go to the toilet.

I might have missed a whole string of posts from you so I apologise because I don't know the background. But I do know that the whole support from a raft of strangers can reinforce your belief that you're hard done-by rather than make you evaluate your actual life and that's dangerous when your relationship is on a wobble

Kimi · 28/06/2009 09:07

He is being a twat, you should have thrown his dinner at him.

junglist1 · 28/06/2009 09:07

Oh how horrible. He's trying to upset and control you. These mind games are well out of order. Will he really cancel it or is he just digging at you? This sounds abusive. Are these mind games a regular thing?