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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Probably, but he threw my dinner in the bin!

103 replies

Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 22:44

So, DH has been in a crappy mood today (well he is most days tbh). He cooked tea for us all earlier, but just as he served it up I realised my period had started. I dashed upstairs to sort myself out and he called me, I said I'd only be a min. He got cross and stood at the bottom of the stairs - I stood at the top in my pants and said that I would not shout downstairs what I was doing, I would only be a second. He shouted back that he had thrown my dinner in the bin.

I walked out.

DS2 still has bedtime milk from me, I feel guilty for him, I shouldn't have left him really, but honestly I can't deal with that sort of behaviour.

I have just got back from a family party that I otherwise wouldn't have attended, and have eaten some toast.

Was I wrong to walk out?

Am I brave enough for your replies?

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 27/06/2009 23:16

I may be on the wrong track here and I apologise if I am but... have you posted before about your H's unreasonable, bullying behaviour? I seem to have a vague recollection of you being one of the ones married to a knobjockey and trying to convince yourself that it will be all right really.
This latest episode is childish crap on his part. Binning someone's dinner is what you do when they are hours late back from the pub, not when they pop to the loo for a minute.

tigana · 27/06/2009 23:19

forgetting to do pre-emptive mooncup insertion isn't a crime you know!
I don't care if your period is so regular you can predict to the second...no justification for dinnerinthebin.

Jux · 27/06/2009 23:22

2 is still quite young and if he's not weaned yet there really is plenty of time. DD was in nappies until she was well past 2; in night nappies for another year probably.

Please think about how your dh treats you. He needs to set an example of respect to the children. Are you a bit low on self-esteem at the moment? Can you tell us the whole story Washersaurus?

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:23

Yes , I have posted before about my relationship with DH. I am looking at returning to work from Sept (hopefully) but I don't think this will stop his attitude; I'll then be condemned for leaving the children no doubt.

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 27/06/2009 23:25

Sorry but he sounds it sounds like he is an overbearing father and you are his 13 year old daughter

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:25

Jux, DS2 is 2yo and still bf, DS1 is 4yo and is a total nightmare with weeing himself (he is fully weaned off bm)

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 27/06/2009 23:26

YANBU

Mr Washersaurus is a bully and acted like a child in chucking your dinner
Maybe ds is on best behaviour when he is with dh cos he is conscious that 'its different'
Whilst with you he is probably more relaxed and therefore wets himself more

If it would me I would tell him to be a better husband/adult whilst you continue to be a fab mum!

tigana · 27/06/2009 23:27

so what the sod does he want then?

(not suggesting he should get what he wants btw, just trying to figure out the positions here)

dittany · 27/06/2009 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:30

I believe he expects too much of them for their ages. I'm no saint btw, the continuous fighting and weeing thing has driven me to despair - I DO shout . My poor children.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 27/06/2009 23:32

Washersaurus YABU

In staying with him while he is acting like this. He is being a manipulative, controlling, miserable wanker who is making you have so little self confidence that not only are you prepared to put up with his behaviour, but you think you are being unreasonable.

DS2 clearly coped without BM tonight - give yourself a break.

When you said you wished you'd put your mooncup in, I presumed you meant after your period arrived and before you went out. See... it didn't even occur to me that you'd need to do that to stop your husband acting like a complete bastard.

For the love of god, you have to get this sorted out or get out - you cannot live your life like this!

Yurtgirl · 27/06/2009 23:36

Everybody shouts at their kids occasionally washers - I certainly get ratty with mine most days!
I wouldnt tolerate someone chucking my dinner away though - would he have preferred you to shout down the stairs

"I am inserting my mooncup into my vagina!"
I think not
Or alternatively sit down on chair and make a mess - equally no!
You needed to go to loo, enough said - he behaved like a child having a hissy fit

I would have disappeared for a walk too

I hope you manage to have a chat with him tomorrow and that you have a better day [hopeful]

Quattrocento · 27/06/2009 23:38

What really worries me about your posts on this thread is that you are blaming yourself for your DH being an arse. So he throws your dinner in the bin because you had to nip to the loo and you think you're being unreasonable. Then you beat yourself up for not sticking your mooncup in thereby pre-empting his tantrum.

Stop it now, I say. He is a total arse and do not start living by his clearly twisted logic.

Can you live with this for the long haul?

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:39

Exactly what I though Yurtgirl...does he really want me to shout downstairs about my period, whilst the windows are open?

I hope it will be forgotten tomorrow. I should go to bed. DS2 will no doubt be awake at 5am as usual

OP posts:
LovelyTinOfSpam · 27/06/2009 23:39

I don't know the history but YANBU and he is utterly unreasonable.

I can't imagine how I would react if this was done to me. You went to the bog so he chucked your food away? What a total bastard. A horrible and uncalled for thing to do.

If this sort of thing happens a lot, or even sometimes TBH, you need to have a serious think about how you're going to deal with it I'm afraid.

simpson · 27/06/2009 23:41

washersaurus - all mums shout, I know I do

You were a great support to me on toilet/potty training thread.

You did not deserve to have your dinner flung in bin

Well done you for going outside to calm down.

you do not deserve to be treated this way.

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:41

Sorry, I didn't mean I felt I should have sorted mooncup prior to my dinner being served, just that I wished I'd done it before storming out of the house....I wish my periods were predictable enough to pre-empt them!

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 27/06/2009 23:42

Washers - have you sat down and had a serious chat with him about this before?

thumbwitch · 27/06/2009 23:43

Washersaurus, you KNOW you didn't do anything wrong, don't you?
You do realise that MrW's behaviour was UTTERLY unreasonable, OTT and completely ridiculous?

I mean, fgs, you are not his child! Even if you were, how moronic is that, to throw your dinner in the bin because you were a few unavoidable minutes late! (He's not ex-forces is he?)

WHY are you allowing him to treat you like this and make you feel so bad about yourself? Please try and calmly stand up to him and explain to him that his behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE.

Sorry for all the shouting, I am just so horrified and that people do this kind of thing!

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:44

Yes, I have tried to talk to him, but he is defensive and apparently I'm a nightmare to live with. I was talking to my sister earlier, it appears we have married the same men (I can tell by the replies they aren't all like this)

OP posts:
burningupinspeed · 27/06/2009 23:47

on your behalf

I'm not in a good mood so don't listen to a word I say but if that were my DP I'd go and get my dinner out the bin and throw it over the fucker while he slept

but that is an absurd reaction

Do you love him?

thumbwitch · 27/06/2009 23:48

no no no no no!
You might not be perfect, no doubt you are not (no one is) - but that STILL does not give him the right to behave in this fashion to you! He is controlling you, mindfucking you to make you think it is all your fault and you deserve it, so he can continue to get away with being a dreadful bully!

You probably live your life on tenterhooks, hence you snap at the DSs as well - not surprising if your nerves are on edge the whole time.

Do you really want to live like this for ever?

SolidGoldBrass · 27/06/2009 23:50

He is not your boss.
He is not your owner.
It is not acceptable for him to behave as though he is.
End of.

Original poster
Washersaurus · 27/06/2009 23:51

It didn't use to be like this (before children, when I was working). I have been in love with him since I was 17, but am beginning to feel the need to develop some sort of future exit strategy.

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 27/06/2009 23:52

Washers - Its really sad reading your posts, you have such a low opinion of yourself
I bet you are fabulous in reality
But he seems to have made you feel awful

Do you get on well with your sister? Did she enjoy being your sis when you were kids?
If yes then that should prove to you that he is being a pita - using words to make you feel rubbish

The more rubbish you feel the less likely you are to stand up for yourself - a fact he probably knows

Do you love him?
Has he always been like this?
Can he change?

I would seriously consider chucking him if I was in your situation - it isnt good for your ds to hear him talk to you like this

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