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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to worry because I can't afford to privately educate my children?

380 replies

LaydeeStardust · 27/06/2009 20:47

I hope this makes sense-I've had wine!

We've got 4 bright and happy children,aged 4 and up.

DS2 is 14, and is apparently extremely bright and attends our local inner city state school which gets average results

Both his own school teachers and two friends who teach at different private schools have told us that he should attend a private school to give him the best possible chances in life.

One of his teachers actually said we are letting him down by not sending him to a private school

We earn too little to pay for private education ourselves so he'd have to apply for an assisted place (we both work in social services and health)

we honestly believe in the state system,but maybe we can't really say that because we don't earn enough choose?

DS2's done his own research and is now worrying that he won't be able to get into a good uni, or get a good job etc if he doesnt go to a private school....and I don't know how to reassure him!!

I'd be so interested to hear other peoples' views on this-both me and DH went to state schools then uni, but if anyone feels I'm living in cloud cuckoo land to believe that our children will achieve whatever they want without a private education please tell me!!!

Thanks in advance!!

OP posts:

UnquietDad · 28/06/2009 23:33

Everyone has a 6-figure income. It just depends where you put the decimal point.

violethill · 28/06/2009 23:40

I think the income thing can be a red herring actually. You can earn shed loads of money and still not feel that well off depending on outgoings, where you live etc

My dd has friends whose parents really struggle to pay school fees as well as some who probably hardly see a dent in the income.

Also where we live, many of the relatively well paid professionals send their children to the local state school. It's seen as 'the place to go'. Oh and my ds has two other kids in his tutor group (state school) who have millionaire parents.

I think attitude of mind has a lot to do with it rather than just money.

UnquietDad · 28/06/2009 23:43

True. But at the end of the day you still need to be able to find, what, £8K-20K spare a year - per child - which for the VAST majority of the population might as well be a joke.

thedolly · 28/06/2009 23:45

OK then UQD Birmingham/Leeds/Liverpool - why so low?

cory · 28/06/2009 23:48

attitude has a lot to do with it - if you're well off

if your earnings are actually less than what your children's school fees would be then you'd need an awful lot of attitude to make up for that

and afaik most private schools do not offer full bursaries these days

UnquietDad · 28/06/2009 23:49

I imagine because they are hugely polarised cities - a mixture of very affluent suburbs and very poor inner-city areas.

SomeGuy · 28/06/2009 23:52

I think the income thing can be a red herring actually. You can earn shed loads of money and still not feel that well off depending on outgoings, where you live etc

Well yes and no. 2 * £13k school fees into a £20k salary does not go. Whereas into six figures clearly there is a fair bit left over, albeit that some people do have a rather foolish habit of increasing their outgoings to exceed their income, no matter what they earn.

Quattrocento · 28/06/2009 23:55

I think that the reason that Liverpool is so low is that there is not very much wealth there. There is more wealth in Birmingham but Brum has a thriving state grammar school system. Leeds is a bit of a mystery though. No state grammar schools, quite a lot of money kicking around the system, state schools not great.

thedolly · 28/06/2009 23:59

UQD so Newcastle then 11.3% - I'd have thought it would be similar to Leeds etc.

UnquietDad · 28/06/2009 23:59

Lots of money in Leeds as in a few affluent suburbs and a big financial centre, but it is a big, big city with some very poor areas.

We could also ask why the Sheffield take-up is quite high for a city with such a similar social mix. It could well be because of where people live. In Sheffield the south-west's affluent suburbs are still within the Local Authority boundaries. Not sure about Leeds but in Manchester (for instance) they aren't - they fall in Cheshire.

UnquietDad · 29/06/2009 00:03

Yes, Newcastle is an interesting one, isn't it? 1.5 times the national average.

(I know Royal Grammar School Newcastle was a state grammar until about 25 (?) years ago and went private, and a lot of the parents voted with their wallets to stay.)

I don't know enough about the LA make-up - may be that, again, a lot of affluent suburbanites are within the Local Authority boundaries when they are not in other cities of a similar size.

thedolly · 29/06/2009 00:04

Wakefield (7.8%) gets kids from Leeds I'm sure.

Quattrocento · 29/06/2009 00:06

Newcastle is interesting as well. City of London is incredible.

UnquietDad · 29/06/2009 00:11

Hang on, though, it's the percentage of kids living in those LA areas who go to private schools (based anywhere) isn't it?

Not the percentage of kids who attend private schools in those areas.

So Wakefield's 7.8% means that 7.8% of the children living in Wakefield are educated privately.

thedolly · 29/06/2009 00:12

So, are the figures telling us where the kids go to school and not where they live?

UnquietDad · 29/06/2009 00:12

crosspost dolly!

thedolly · 29/06/2009 00:13

x posts -

UnquietDad · 29/06/2009 00:16

Also, no grammars in Sheffield (thanks, guys) so it's "pay or pray" if you don't like the comps. That bumps it up a bit.

thedolly · 29/06/2009 00:16

Wakefield I happen to know has a number of good independent schools - the more schools the more kids.

Q Why are the indie schools where they are?
A It's historical

thedolly · 29/06/2009 00:19

Shock horror - it's a post code lottery

UnquietDad · 29/06/2009 00:21

Always a misleading phrase of course - as it's a lottery where tickets with some numbers on cost you more to buy than tickets with other numbers on...

Quattrocento · 29/06/2009 00:27

I'd be interested if these statistics were analysed further. So for instance if you eliminated areas that had grammar schools, you could correlate the wealth with independent school usage - which I assume would be a fairly direct correlation. Then you could map out the effects of having grammar schools against an expected trend. I'd expect that to be a significant difference which would then go to show (providing it did) that people distrust the state system when it comes to providing an academic education.

thedolly · 29/06/2009 00:31

Many grammars are old independent schools though Quattro, aren't they?

UnquietDad · 29/06/2009 00:35

How would you distinguish between those who distrust the state system but have no option, and those who actively support it? Important distinction in my view.

(Plus those in between, like me, who support the idea in principle but don't think it works that well right now.)

SomeGuy · 29/06/2009 00:39

T'other way round. For instance Manchester Grammar is now private, but used to be a direct grant grammar school.

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