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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that ds did'nt eat all day at school on Friday??

31 replies

whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 15:06

When I picked up ds from school on Friday, he was tearfull and said he was starving, he said he went into the hall at lunchtime but could'nt find a seat, he told the dinner lady there were no seats, and she told him to go outside and play, he intereparated this to mean, he is not allowed his lunch, ok, it was probably some mix-up, but I would have thought saying you cant find a seat suggests you have'nt eaten yet, ds has a huge appetite, I can imagine how hungry he must have been, it also messed up tea time as I had to feed him immediately, long before dinner was due. I am going to complain on Monday but dont want to come across as unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 15:10

Meant to add, ds is 8 and has aspergers so his social skills are'nt great, otherwise he might have said, but I have'nt eaten yet.

OP posts:
Tommy · 27/06/2009 15:10

you are right - it was a mix up.

don't write in and "complain", drop a note in asking what may have happened and that your DS didn't get his lunch.

Teach your DS to be more assertive about asking for what he wants

MaryBS · 27/06/2009 15:11

I guess it depends on how old he is just how unreasonable it is (its different for a 5yo compared to a 15yo), but I think it certainly needs raising with the school, even if its just to find out exactly what happened, and ensure it doesn't happen again. So, no you aren't being unreasonable in wanting to find out, but I wouldn't go in "all guns blazing"

lottiejenkins · 27/06/2009 15:11

Awwwww thats really sad, i think you should have a word with the head, are the lunchtime staff aware of your sons aspergers? i am a dinner lady at our local school. My son has special needs too.

MaryBS · 27/06/2009 15:12

If he's 8, and given he has Asperger's, then no, you have every right to question it! My son is nearly 8 and has Asperger's, and he doesn't always speak up for himself either. Does he have a TA assigned to him?

I would brief your son on what to do if it happens again, but in the meantime speak to the school, get it sorted.

Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 15:13

Yes, I think thats better, the word complained seems too extreme, more a, what happened, was planning on doing it verbally though not in writing.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 15:15

He has a TA but she does'nt assist him during luchtime, he says he does'nt know the name of the dinnerlady, I explained to him it was a mix up and if it happens again to speak to one of the dinner ladies he does know.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 15:16

lottiejenkins, not sure if the dinnerladies are aware of his special needs, was not sure if they are expected to be, are you informed in your job who the special needs children are?

OP posts:
hambler · 27/06/2009 15:26

aw poor wee love! I can actually remember stuff like that from when I was a kid of that age. Not sure what an adult means and being too shy to stand up for oneself

pickyvic · 27/06/2009 16:09

you definitely need to mention it, because aspies just comply - mine would have done exactly the same, just mention it on Monday and ask them to ensure it doesnt happen again. When mine went to school he didnt have to stand and queue - he had a docket which meant he got to the front first! if he has AS it might be worth suggesting it? mine found queueing too difficult.

Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 16:15

I dont think the packed lunchers queue, they just go straight in and find a seat.

OP posts:
atworknotworking · 27/06/2009 16:20

Regardless of your sons AS, I would not be happy that my child had gone without food, their should be seats, the lunch staff are their to supervise the children not just to tell them to go outside, she should have realised what your DS meant when he said their are no seats and helped him look for one or asked him to wait a while till one was free. My DD went without lunch one day as she couldn't get the lid off her lunch box, the staff refused to help due to health and safety reasons - utter bollocks - they didn't even offer a school dinner. There are to many beaurocrats in schools now and not enough common sense.

Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 16:23

Oh thats really really terrible not the same, but dc school no longer provide plastic spoons for yoghurts if the parents have forgotten to put one in, so mine now have frubes

OP posts:
pointydog · 27/06/2009 16:31

I would get in touchm explain what happened and ask that dinner staff are aware of the aspergers so they can watch out for this.

I don't see that as complaining. It was a misunderstanding byt eh sound of it, that's all.

2rebecca · 27/06/2009 17:06

Had he picked up his dinner before he got a seat? I'm confused. Finding a seat and then going and getting your dinner is the opposite way to how we did it. If he already had his dinner what did he do with it?
You mention packed lunches but I presume if he had a packed lunch he would have eaten it in the playground, or as soon as he got home.

Littlefish · 27/06/2009 17:11

It sounds like your ds would benefit from having a named lunchtime supervisor (or two) who, without being solely responsible for him, is the person that he goes to if he is stuck.

Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 17:49

2rececca, he has packed lunches, they take them to the hall, then find a seat, they are not allowed to eat in the playground, they have to return the lunchboxes back to thier peg before going out to play, and yes he ate it as soon as he got home, but even then its 4 hours late.

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 27/06/2009 17:54

whoingodsnameami....... Yes we do know who the special needs children are, but it is a small school and i have known 99.5% of the children since they were born!

lottiejenkins · 27/06/2009 17:56

Why dont you suggest to the headteacher that your ds has a "buddy" from the oldest children who will sit with him and help him at lunchtime?? . It would be good for them to have a little responsibility!!

Original poster
whoingodsnameami · 27/06/2009 18:02

Yes, I will speak to the school on Monday, see what they suggest, thanks.

OP posts:
anonandlikeit · 27/06/2009 19:17

Lottiejenkins, sorry for the hi-jack, I met your ds today (this morning in Sax), he is great!

lottiejenkins · 28/06/2009 09:13

Thanks anon! Im a bit fond of him too!!!

LeonieSoSleepy · 28/06/2009 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bubblagirl · 28/06/2009 09:29

this is what worries me to and i would be livid ds starts school in sept HFA and has problems if needing to be seated or asking for food im having to ask school if someone could just take him through and seat him at table and ask for food as im so worried he'll just stand around and walk off if doesn't know what to do

i would have serious chat with school and see if they can arrange for someone to just walk him through and seat him and tell them they should be doing more to have him included at these unstructured times

anonandlikeit · 28/06/2009 10:54

Lottie, he made me skip, not done it for years & he was v kind to ds2.
He really made me

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