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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I risk social death for my ds by not doing party bags?

160 replies

MadameDefarge · 25/06/2009 12:41

Seriously, it is his first birthday a his new school. Ds is nine. I have booked bowling alley, and will feel them in groovy Amercian diner style cafe there, but I am losing the will to live over the party bag thing.

Now woolworths has gone, it will be impossible to do them in any cheap way...

So AIBU in thinking the little sods can live without them, given the very expensive treat they are already getting, or will I ruin his reputation in his new school?

OP posts:
gigglewitch · 26/06/2009 00:58

I hate them.
So we do pass the parcel and whatever else according to the age of the birthday child / guests, treasure hunts or whatever, make sure everyone wins something at some stage, mostly notebooks, coloured pencils and stickers, all cheap in asda etc. We have a big bowl of stuff - sweets, lollies, grapes and so on at the end so that everyone can have a treat for on the way home

fussymummy · 26/06/2009 01:07

Ive just made up 60 party bags for a joint 6th party.

Have filled them with a few cheap sweets from tesco, either value ones or whatever was on offer!!

Also have added a keyring, bought from ebay as kids all love putting them on school bags!!!

Not really cost very much to do.

Ive got the legion hall for free, free entertainment as my 11 yr old son is doing a disco, and pass the parcel goodies all bought cheap in sale!!

My friend and i have decided to do this party as cheap as possible.

Mylot would be gutted if no party bag!!!!!!

CilC · 26/06/2009 07:13

My DD is turning 5 and I am not doing party bags. I usually throw them out as soon as they arrive back from a party as they're usually full of junk. Honestly I think you are doing the right thing.

muffinmonster · 26/06/2009 08:08

Mme Defarge - three cheers for you. Don't do them, don't feel bad. The children will have a great time and they will be happy with cake to take home.

Think RosieMBanks idea of a group photo is great, though.

mamas12 · 26/06/2009 08:33

I started doing alternative party favours
One party they were given medals for competing in a little championship throught the party.
Why not get some cheapy medals for them all and a little cup for the actuall winner of the bowls.
One thing is enough imo
dd friends had the exact same bracelet (diferent colours) each got from the Play Resource Centre

Gromit78 · 26/06/2009 10:14

Is it a surprise b'day party? If not then ask your son whether party bags are 'in' or not? Perhaps he can help you work out the best way of hosting a party and you can work out the best way of keeping it as cheap as possible.

blinder · 26/06/2009 17:59

Madame doesn't do bags! OR feelings!

Original poster
MadameDefarge · 26/06/2009 18:18

Too right, Blinder, I'm hard, me!

OP posts:
FuriousGeorge · 27/06/2009 08:30

I don't do them and never have.We do have a pinata though & its a free for all once it is smashed and the sweets are liberated-far more fun.

I've never had any complaints and several parents say that my parties are the best they've ever been too.Party bags=work of the devil IMO.

radstar · 27/06/2009 10:25

I think I have a lot to encounter (ds is only 3 months) party bags... at nine ?!?!?!

Oh my god I'm going to be a terrible mother, I've followed some of these childrens party threads before, things have definitely moved on from when I had birthday parties, they seem so elaborate and expensive. Do kids really expect all this stuff, the bday child and the invitees, or is it just parents trying to outdo each other?

rainbowdays · 27/06/2009 12:15

ok from reading this it seems to me to be that age 9 is too old for party bags (more into feelings, but that 4 year olds seem to like getting something to take home (from fantastic teddy bear parties - nice one).

So what is the cut off age or how do you wean children off of the expectation of party bags? Is it that you have to take them out to fantastic play centres or party places to be able to get the get out of partybags?

Also : How long can I continue to hold birthday party at home before children start saying that is naff too? (I really don't want to go down the hiring bouncy castle route, that is currently the rage around here)

Gromit78 · 27/06/2009 15:12

I used to enjoy getting a party bag when I was a child. I don't know if they are the fashion these days? Perhaps you could make up some cheap ethical bags made of paper with a bath bomb from Lush and recylced paper note pads and stuff. Then throw in a joke or a funny Ronald dahl poem or something like that as well as a few sweets. I intend to do that when my child is old enough for parties. But that is the sort of hippy person I am.

Gromit78 · 27/06/2009 15:20

Following on from rainbowdays comments I think it is worth talking to your child about the sort of party they would like. Take into consideration what time of year the b'day is, and what is avaliable as well as your budget and then sit down with your kid and see what he/she would like. Make a few suggestions and naturally listen to what they would like and what they think their friends would like.

Admittedly I am chuffed that my baby is due in the summer, birthday parties will be so much cheaper at the beach or in the parks or having BBQ's in the garden.

Original poster
MadameDefarge · 27/06/2009 15:30

The problem is gromit, at that age, if you said party bag or no party bag, they are going to want it! I have to make that decision as a parent alone, which he will go along with when the party is going. Actually, ds is pretty easy going, but its the other kids I who are the unknown quantity - at his last school I knew all of them and the parents really well, so I could make that decision easily - its the new school thing that I don't know about!

But i have made up my mind. no bags. Cake. thats it.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 27/06/2009 17:25

you see, in germany partybags never existed (although it is possible this has changed over teh past umptiest years...not so muhc in touch wiht that side of things)....but german Birthday parties were kinda different anyway...lots of games you could win prices for or get a sweety if you didn't win....but if you would go somewhere, like Bowling, you would not expect that....you would see teh Bowling as the special treat...

curlygal · 27/06/2009 20:09

Clary that sounds like a v generous party bag to me!!!!

DS is only just four so not much experience but at his party last week TWO children specifically asked "where's ma party bag?" both of whom were three years old so this materialism starts v early in Edinburgh....

I wasn't going to do them as I consider myself to be pretty eco and am not keen on sweeties but am glad I caved (although there was no plastic and no sweeties )

In the OP situation - ie after taking the children for an expensive activity and food I would be far far less likely to do party bags, but in all honesty if I felt they were expected I probably would

Clary · 27/06/2009 21:30

curlygal yes I thought so too!

Mind you it was pretty bargain-basement as it was mostly stuff I had in from previous dos (party bag box clearout time!) and the balloons were a bargain at £1 for 30 from the pound shop!

Yes we've had "where's the party bag" too

DD at first didn't want them this year (she's 8) but as they are included in the do we are going for it anyway.

whiskersonkittens · 27/06/2009 21:50

We did a bowling trip for dd (8) birthday and i did not do party bags. Instead we got (cheap, plastic ) cups for the winner of each game and medals for the others so each got something and then little £1 bears from ASDA as 'prizes' for the games dd made up whilst I cooked them pizza. They all went home happy at the end, altho I was asked by one child after 5mins 'what's in the party bag'. She is a lovely child tho and her dad was mortified so I think it is almost an automatic reaction. I am glad I 'rebelled' and the parents were happy too

applepudding · 27/06/2009 22:50

DS has just gone 8 and would still expect a party bag from any party he went to, although culture round here is for cheap and cheerful (plastic tat and haribos),not the 'outdoing the other parents' thing.

Wilkinsons and large Tescos have a whole aisle with themed bags and bits to put in and it really is no effort at all - if your DS still wants this sort of thing. I don't know how much difference that year makes.

With regard to the gogocrazybones mentioned earlier, I'd check with your DS before getting these as in DS's class these were last year's craze!!

Shellseeker · 27/06/2009 23:41

I buy sets of books from the book people/the red house so each child goes home with something nice but I haven't added to the mountains of plastic crap that clutter up our homes! Plus you can usually do it for £1 or less per child! Bargain! I was asked at the end of my son's christening lunch where his party bag was...maybe it's all gone a bit too far!

BexieID · 28/06/2009 07:51

Tom was 3 in April and they all got an easter egg in the party beg along with cake, cars, wee cameras, bubbles and a couple of other things. I do go a bit OTT .

I would get each lane a dispoasble camera each. Hope your DS has a great day.

BexieID · 28/06/2009 07:51

bag even .

verytallbird · 28/06/2009 15:58

I did this for dd1's 4th birthday last october - felt very good and some other mums did take the p a bit but who cares ... of course there's always one small guest who starts to cry because there's no party bag but personally I think her mum felt worse than I did. LOL!

Fruitbeard · 28/06/2009 20:17

MadameD, I've just got back from Bloomsbury Lanes and my friend's surprise leaving party... didn't know it was going to be there until we met up at the tube - was that your lot in the first lane? We were the loud, drunken ones at the far lane...

Was v. tempted to walk past muttering "Fruit Shoots and Greggs" but lost my nerve!

Hope it went well - we went into one of the karaoke rooms afterwards and I've only just escaped...

Quattrocento · 28/06/2009 20:27

I am interested in Mme's venture into paedophilia.

Party bags are a PITA, but what about about giving the boys one of http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=waboba&tag=googhydr-21&index=aps&hvadid=3175528803&ref=p dsl1osj2nbfwv_e these each on the way out? DS got one at a party this week and they were such an enormous hit with all the boys.

Four of them immediately dashed off to the loos to see if they really do bounce on water (only one had to be fished out). Insanitary creatures.