To wish that people would ask before letting their children pet/ touch my dog

[iggypiggy]

ok this is my first venture into this area...

Am getting increasingly concerned at the number of people that let their toddler/ child just walk up to my dog and touch him without asking and I am starting to wonder why this keeps happening? It doesn't seem like a very safe thing to do? Yesterday, for example, a toddler ran up to my dog and repeatedly grabbed at his tail - while the father smiled benignly on from a distance I said 'luckily my dog is friendly' and he just carried on smiling.. But how on earth could he have known my dog was ok with children?!

I have a labrador - he's very friendly, good with children but not too fussed about saying hi to people when we out on a walk, he too busy playing with toys/ sniffing etc. So he kind of avoids them.

This keeps on happening - repeatedly children approach my dog while their parents are there and just start touching.

Am considering telling children - well the ones old enough to understand - that they really should ask first - but I would have expected parents to tell them that?

AIBU - or should people really ask first?

Incidentally - I have been asked by children sometimes and I always say yes.

I think the problem on these threads is always that the dog owners posting are responsible and see people who are wary etc as attacking them. When in fact the problem is the hordes of irresponsible dog owners out there scaring the crap out of people on a regular basis. A few bad experiences will put you off for life, and not surprising really. And of course once you're wary, normal dog behaviour gets interpreted as threatening and it just gets worse and worse.

Responding to OP- of course people should teach their children pet safety. They should always ask if it's ok to stroke a dog. We always were as children; dogs have not evolved since then. Some people want their children to believe that the world is a soft-play area.

YANBU. Parents should teach their children to ask beforehand.

spam - ignore the dog - IME most dogs are not that interested. Then if it insists on approaching you, stand still and hold your hand out for it to sniff, no need to touch it at all. If it jumps up at you, swear loudly at the owner. Quite justified IMO (spoken as a dog-tolerator).

Thanks orm I shall be snooty with dogs unless they badger me and then try friendly tack...

It is silly as I love walking but of course the good places for walking are also good places for dogs to have a good run!

YANBU - people should ask.

Other people obviously have different experiences to me, but I don't remember ever being jumped up at or feeling threatened by a dog in a public space. There are dogs I've been wary of, but have just ignored and walked past/round.

YANBU.

My father has 2 cocker spaniels who aren't used to children and every time he's out with them his heart is in his mouth the whole time as people let their kids just come up to them. They aren't nasty dogs, just quite nervous of kids.

People need to be responsible and look out for their own offspring. No doubt if your dog wasn't so good with kids and gave one a nip, they would immediately ask for it to be destroyed!

But YABU to post this as you've unearthed all the dog-haters

my dd loves dogs and given half a chance would always stroke random dogs but while i have always encouraged her to see most dogs as friendly, i have made it clear that she must always ask as a few dogs are not( just like people). she is 4 and very good at asking

I think that's it limon. Having been bitten twice and scared senseless a couple of times as well, I think it is understandable that I nearly wet myself when dogs scamper up.

Of the bitey ones, one was in a shop and apparently it was "only a kiss-bite" WTF does that mean, and the time I stared the alsation down when I was little I later found out that it had bitten about 4 or 5 people on our road, including the owner who had to have part of her leg cut out due to infection...

I am trying so hard to be cool and confident around them for DD's sake!

limon - that is my experience too. Have never been scared of dogs. But I have known enough people that are, to realise that it's not unusual to be scared of dogs. And that fear gives you a very different perspective.

Apologies to both Spawn and Spam for the mistake - I will go away and write out 50 times, 'I must check my attributions when quoting...'

I'm a newbie to MN and am surprised at the Dog Hate! I grew up with dogs and was always told never to touch without permission or put a hand through a fence to touch a dog.

I agree with a lot of the posts re children should never pat a strange dog without asking the owner first AND I agree with the fact that dogs in public spaces should not be off their lead unless they can be trusted not to harass other people/dogs..

We have 3 large dogs but only two are allowed off lead when we are out - one cannot be trusted to not go and annoy (in an overfriendly!) other park/walk users so she stays on her lead. The other two are well socialised and mannerly. They ignore other people/dogs and give them plenty of room.

However, plenty of children (with smiling parents) actively pursue the dogs wanting to pet them (when the dogs are ignoring them and are not interested in communing with them!)- who is at fault there if the dog should snap at a child that pokes it in the eye as it tries to get away?

I won't even get onto the subject of unattended children and horses ..

Children should of course check with the adult (hopefully adult....I often see children responsible for dogs) before approaching/stroking the dog.
But it would be unreasonable to be somewhere like outside the school gates/playground/anywhere with lots children etc and not expect that it might well happen.
Same as children should not run out onto road/mess about crossing the road....but we still hold their hand, as we can't completely trust that they won't.

Sounds like they are fairly clueless about dogs.
I have taught my son the same - never ever touch or get near a dog unless you have asked the owner for permission first.
Even our dog, a Jack Russell, who is good with children can be unpredictable with people who just approach him - especially in a busy place. I hate it when kids just come and pet him, as I really don't trust him (will snap if you touch his ears if they are sore etc). I have actually told children on more than one occasion that they should never do that.
Adults are just as bad (in fact it was drunk adults in pubs doing this that caused him to be unpredictable with it).

YANBU - i never let my son touch a dog or pet that does not belong to me or that i do not know. If i see him go for a dog i hold his hand, tell him he can say hello but not get too close as we do not know if the dog wants to be friendly or not.

As someone who was bitten by a dog as a child (and it was a family dog) i know all too well how savage a bite can be and it is poor parenting to allow your child to walk into a possibly dangerous arena and not show them due caution.

Thinking about it, it's maybe not such a bad idea for dog safety (well all sorts of safety actually) to be on the early years curriculum for those who attend nursery/playgroups.
Like the cycling proficiency, or road safety stuff.
It might help reach some of the children who aren't getting the dog training from their parents, or just don't really come accross enough dogs to learn and remember.

I think my DD has a bit of a warped idea of dogs....she probably thinks they're all like 'Hotel for Dogs' , 'Lassie', 'incredible journey' etc talking, rational beings.

Asking the owner for permission is no guarantee of safety, and I don't think dogs should be allowed off the lead in public places.

My friend was in the GP surgery last week when parents ran in with a two year old, arm streaming with blood. It turns out they'd asked permission for the child to pat an Alsatian sitting with the owner next to the bench they were on. He said yes, then stood back and did nothing as the dog bit the child on the arm twice. Once they'd run to the doctors they called the police, but the man and his dog had disappeared.

Stannie - I guess he had the 'who is at fault there' attitude you mention, but in my opinion the owner is always responsible, as it's the dog that is unpredictable and dangerous, not the child.

Children are unpredicatable too, though porcupine. A child who is usually gentle with animals may suddenly poke one in the eye, or pull a tail.

I agree that in the story you told, the owner was clearly at fault, but I still maintain that whilst the dog owners should take responsibility for training their dog properly and keeping it under control, the rest of the public do also have a responsibility to be aware of the risks in any situation and take steps to ensure their own safety rather than relying on others.

If I put myself in a dangerous situation, and something bad happens, at least part of the responsibility for that is mine - it's like the chap who sued his local council for not putting up a sign to say that rocks by the sea might be slippy when wet - he said they were responsible for his broken leg; or the woman who sued McDonalds because they didn't put a warning on their cups that their coffee was hot, and she scalded herself. In both situations, the adult concerned should have exercised a little common sense and care.

I feel very strongly about this subject. We have a dog who is brilliant with our DD ... BUT i would never, ever leave her alone with him, let her go near him when he is sleeping, tired, eating etc and right from the word go we have tried to ensure she knows what is right and wrong (stroke not grab etc). Also when we are out she will always ask me and i will check with owners) or she asks whilst waiting then if ok she pets them whilst i do too to ensure she is safe.

I took a degree in animal behaviour and psychology and at the end of the day dogs are animals and we should not assume they are humans. Sadly we humanise them too much (as we do with many pets) and forget that they can and will turn on anyone, including when they feel threatened or frightened etc

I am also amazed at the amount of kids/people who come up to my dog and jump to stroke him, he is not that happy with strangers and is quite nervous so i always say to them 'actually i'd rather you didn't because he's not that great with strangers' then of course they look at me with a toddler and i can read their minds!

My DS loves Dogs, however I always ask beofre he gets near, though I have to say, if someone has a dog who may be prone to biting etc, if touched they should relly put a musel on, as kids can be so damn quick sometimes

I would agree with the post that people should ask first before letting their children stroke a dog.

My dd loves dogs and would often just approach them without asking. I have made sure that since she started this she ask first and have stood with her whilst she has stroked the dog.

I love dogs despite being bitten as a child. But I do respect that they are changeable creatures and children are unpredictable.

I think people often forget, especially with preschoolers, that their faces are at the eye/mouth level of the dog.

Most reasonable dog owners are not offended by this and will say if their dogs like human/kiddie contact IME.....

heeby - I think people do forget that dogs are animals no matter how well trained a dog, their natural response to a percieved threat could be to snap/ growl and whilst my dog has always been tolerant and lovely, I am not subjecting him to having his tail pulled etc by children because they will blame me if something happens.

Porcupine - I think it would a sad day if dogs were never allowed off leads in public places I would hope parks could be enjoyed by all in harmony - even if it means having a separate dog area... But in the situation you mention that is clearly the fault of the owner.