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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish that people would ask before letting their children pet/ touch my dog

129 replies

iggypiggy · 23/06/2009 15:47

ok this is my first venture into this area...

Am getting increasingly concerned at the number of people that let their toddler/ child just walk up to my dog and touch him without asking and I am starting to wonder why this keeps happening? It doesn't seem like a very safe thing to do? Yesterday, for example, a toddler ran up to my dog and repeatedly grabbed at his tail - while the father smiled benignly on from a distance I said 'luckily my dog is friendly' and he just carried on smiling.. But how on earth could he have known my dog was ok with children?!

I have a labrador - he's very friendly, good with children but not too fussed about saying hi to people when we out on a walk, he too busy playing with toys/ sniffing etc. So he kind of avoids them.

This keeps on happening - repeatedly children approach my dog while their parents are there and just start touching.

Am considering telling children - well the ones old enough to understand - that they really should ask first - but I would have expected parents to tell them that?

AIBU - or should people really ask first?

Incidentally - I have been asked by children sometimes and I always say yes.

OP posts:

SpawnChorus · 23/06/2009 16:22

My young DCs are fully entitled to run ahead of me in the park. Children should have priority over dogs! Or do you expect me to keep my children on a leash permanently?

doggiesayswoof · 23/06/2009 16:22

YANBU

I am teaching DD not to approach any dog she doesn't know. Since we got our pup she heeds that advice much more since puppy is still at the nippy stage - so DD now realises why you should be wary.

There isn't really any such thing as a 100% "safe" dog. Some dogs are very trustworthy round children and some don't like them because they haven't spent any time with them and are not socialised to them. Either way owners should obviously have them under control in public.

TinofSpam, dogs have sensitive heads and faces and don't really enjoy being touched there. Unless they have grown up with children patting them heavily on the head and therefore got used to it.

stillstanding · 23/06/2009 16:22

iggypiggy, I agree that the right thing to do is for a parent/child to ask the dogowner if they can pat the dog but regardless of whether they do so or not the onus is always on the dog owner to ensure their dog does not injure a child.

pranma · 23/06/2009 16:23

I am a dog lover and an ex dog owner but would always ask [as an adult never mind with a child]if a dog is ok with being approached.Those who dont ask would be quick to complain if the dog objected to attention from a stranger.

SpawnChorus · 23/06/2009 16:23

Why do people own dogs that are known to bite though? Ridiculously irresponsible and selfish.

OrmIrian · 23/06/2009 16:23

iggy - I agree about the dog hatred on MN. But then I wouldn't have beleived how strongly people felt about a whole variety of subjects until I came here.

shootfromthehip · 23/06/2009 16:23

YANBU- I never let my kids touch a strange dog without asking. I'm not a huge fan of dogs an done ran at my DD when she was only 15mths and looked ferocious (even it's owner looked panicked and was shouting and screaming at it) and it has made me very wary.

That said I don't think it is fair on the animal for a small child to rush at it. If it reacts badly then it may be the child's fault. So for these reasons I never let my kids stroke a dog without checking first.

Original poster

iggypiggy · 23/06/2009 16:24

broody that is a very good point - dog owners can be v. bad for that!

I guess I kind of wanted to guage how many of you agree or disagree with me - in case is some bizarre rule I have made up myself and eveyone thinks I am overly cautious!

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 23/06/2009 16:27

It is possible to have a normally friendly dog that may respond aggressively (or defensively) to a certain situation. Such as a toddler grabbing it's tail for example, or bashing patting it very hard on the head (have known both). So unless you are going to ban all dogs in public (which might be what you would like to see but unlikely I suspect), it is always sensible to be cautious.

stillstanding · 23/06/2009 16:27

Sorry - iggypiggy, cross post. My last post was in response to your response to spawn.

I do think that ultimately the buck stops with the dogowner (children take priority over dogs) but understand dogowners' frustration when children are allowed to provoke dogs.

I think a lot of the dog hatred comes in response to some dogowners who are totally irresponsible. One bad one can really ruin the reputation of all the responsible ones.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 23/06/2009 16:27

I just don't understand it all.

I mean you rarely have a choice in the petting thing as the dogs just charge up and sort of go on at you and the owner stands nearby saying "it's alright" so you have to accept that it's alright I think. And then if the dog bites you you put it down to experience.

Of all the dogs that have ever bounded up the owners have always been keen to say that they are safe even when I am quite scared, I have never had a dog rush up and the owner shout "careful she's dangerous".

I don't want DD to be as scared as me as it makes going for walks not as relaxing as they should be and it feels bad to be cowering while someone is saying "oh they're fine" or whatever.

So when dogs zoom up I have tried my best to let DD pat them.

I'm still not sure I get your question though. If there are going to be dogs running up and I have a DD then I'm not sure how I can stop her interacting with them.

Can someone tell me some more about not patting them on the head please?

Original poster

iggypiggy · 23/06/2009 16:29

Spawn - Dogs known to bite should be muzzled in public.

orm that is true!

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 23/06/2009 16:29

I was specifically talking about dogs under control and on leads spam. I think the OP was too. may be wrong though.

Bolshy · 23/06/2009 16:30

YANBU - all parents should teach their children to ask the owner before patting a strange dog. Plenty of dogs don't take kindly to strangers - either adults or children. Also, I would like to correct the misconception that small dogs are safer than big dogs - small terriers, e.g. jack russells are some of the snappiest beasties around. They look cute, but are bred to exterminate and have lightning quick reflexes. No matter what the size or appearance of the dog, they should all be treated with respect. And all parents should know to keep their children away from strange dogs, frankly. My personal bete noire are the idiot dog owners who insist on walking their dogs off the lead when they can't control them. If your child is snapped at by a dog that approaches them rather than the other way round, it's a very different kettle of fish.

And yes, I'm a parent of young children and owner of a small, snappy dog who doesn't like random small children approaching him to pull his tail.

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/06/2009 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stillstanding · 23/06/2009 16:32

Lovely, in my park all the dogs are on leads so the issue is not so much the dogs running up to DS but rather DS (who is dog mad) running up to the dogs and wanting to pat them rather vigorously.

I consider it my responsibility to ensure that the dogowner is ok with this before all the patting starts.

Just like I consider it the dogowner's responsibility to ensure that I am ok with it if her dog rushes up to my DS.

SpawnChorus · 23/06/2009 16:33

And while I'm in the mood for a rant, another example of dog-owner egocentricity: DH was out running with a group of friends, when a large dog started bounding towards them. The owner was yelling "Hey! Stop!! I said STOP!!!" but the dog kept running towards them. The owner then ranted at the runners for not stopping . He had been shouting at them, not his own out-of-control dog! He actually thought it was up to other people to modify their behaviour to avoid being bitten.

Original poster

iggypiggy · 23/06/2009 16:33

lovelytinofspam well owners shouldn't let their dogs charge up to you - it's not on...
But I know it does happen - and it happens to me too - I got muddy paw prints all over my legs from a westie the other day - nice!

In terms of patting on the head - it's more about not apporaching a dog with an open palm coming down towards their head - which could appear to them as though they were about to be hit. If you have you hand kind of limp and come from below is less agrressive.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 23/06/2009 16:35

haven't read through the whole thread but....... I always ask my children to ask and its only polite, apart from the other reasons you mention. Just like I wouldn't want someone touching my children without asking.

SpawnChorus · 23/06/2009 16:36

iggypiggy - I quite agree, but let's face it hardly any are. Is your parents' child-hating dog muzzled?

Stayingsunnygirl · 23/06/2009 16:37

Spawn - I don't think anyone is suggesting that dogs should have priority over your dcs, or that you should have to keep them on a leash when dogs are around. All they are suggesting is that you teach your children to ask before approaching a dog they don't know.

Yes, of course it is the dog owner's responsibility to ensure their dog is under control when they are out and about, but we all have to take responsibility for our own safety too - and it's a good lesson for a child to learn. And no, I am not suggesting that little children are or should be solely responsible for their own safety, but that it is a good thing to teach them responsible behaviour - in any situation.

For example, we teach our children how to cross roads, not so that car drivers don't have to watch for children crossing and take care not to run them over, but because as they grow up they will need to take on their share of that responsibility.

frumpygrumpy · 23/06/2009 16:37

And before someone says "oooh dogs aren't like children", I mean I would prefer someone to ask before they touched something that belongs to me. i.e. opened the boot of my car, went into my handbag for a key, looked in my wardrobe, that kind of thing. Its just good old fashioned manners, of which I am a big fan.

Original poster

iggypiggy · 23/06/2009 16:38

orm I was talking about dogs under control and dogs on leads. My dog was followed around the park by one child eager to touch him!

OP posts:

Bolshy · 23/06/2009 16:38

BTW, LovelyTinofSpam, if dogs off the lead are bounding up to random strangers who don't want to interact with them, then the owner is badly at fault. As a dog owner, you are legally required to have your dog under control i.e. you should either have it on a lead to stop it bothering other people and animals, or if it is off the lead you should be able to call it back to you immediately. Sadly, many dog owners apparently haven't grasped this basic principle.

Stayingsunnygirl · 23/06/2009 16:40

As I have said on another thread, we are getting a puppy soon, and she will not be allowed off her lead out of the garden until she will reliably stop and sit when told - so that if we are out and about and some children or joggers (as in your example, Spawn) appear, we can tell her to stop and stay, and she will wait for us and will not run up to people.

The responsibility of owning a dog is a serious one, in my book, and not one I am taking on lightly.

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