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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for dumping this way

51 replies

ridingjoker · 22/06/2009 19:06

ok, this is a weird one for you.

was seeing this nm exclusively for about 1 month.

last night, watching dvd, i nip off for pee.return to find him curled up round duvet in feotal position sucking his thumb.

at first i thought he was having a laugh(sick joke at that)

then he look mortified. admitted this was a habit he could not break.

so i probably looked pretty shocked. made excuses for needing a ciggie and my bed, so went for one and promptly showed him the door.

this morning he was texting like nothings wrong then started repeatedly calling when i hadn't responded
i was at the italian consulate signing paperwork for dc with ex(rather nasty version of the ex's that go around), who was getting pretty pee'd off at my phone going off.

so i sent thumb sucker a text saying i had been freaked out with his thumb sucking, and that we would not be seeing each other again. and would he stop calling as i was busy (he knew i was going to consulate with ex anyway ),

i also said i would call when it was more suitable. i.e dc in bed, and peace to talk, to have a talk about it if required.

but i know..just know he's going to cry and i cant bear it.

is this behaviour freaky enough to just leave it at that , and ignore any calls or text in future.

or should i see it through and cause him more pain through calling to have a "chat about ending it"

he's already text asking if i can talk yet. and he knows dc dont go to bed till 8-9pm.

he's going to want to know ins and outs. and i just cant lie about these things. i will have to be brutually honest.

OP posts:
EccentricaGallumbits · 22/06/2009 19:08

YABU
nothing wrong with thumb sucking. In fact thumb suckers are very nice people. i may be one myself

laweaselmys · 22/06/2009 19:10

YANBU

Be honest. If it's a deal breaker for you he needs to know... maybe he'll give it up, you never know.

The repeated calling would've peed me off though.

littlelamb · 22/06/2009 19:10

Yes, yabu. I would find it wierd too but my younger sister is a thumb sucker at 15 and I know how hard a habit it is to break. My best friend also has a little raggy blanket she has to take with her if she stays somewhere over night. She is 25

JennyTaylier · 22/06/2009 19:11

Your first sentence summed him up - he is weird - end it now.

ilove · 22/06/2009 19:12

I still suck my thumb [runs and hides]

SoupDragon · 22/06/2009 19:16

FGS.

Ditch him, he deserves better than you.

And next time, turn your phone off or mute it when you're busy. It's rude.

SoupDragon · 22/06/2009 19:17

you apparently stick smelly poisonous sticks in your mouth, he puts a thumb in. [shrug] I know which I'd prefer.

Trikken · 22/06/2009 19:23

I still suck my thumb, realised I was doing it whilst reading your post. Maybe he is like me and does it when he is tired. I agree tis better than the ciggy tho. I'd give him another try, he may be lovely apart from the thumb-sucking.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 22/06/2009 19:34

soupdragon - he smokes too. but 20 plus a day, compared to my 2-3 a day. my phone was on vibrate, i ended up turning it off. but he started calling my other phone. which is a strictly emergency only phone that dwindles at bottom of my bag that i forgot to turn off.

and i am amazed its not uncommon to be sucking your thumb past childhood.

but it is definately a deal breaker.

OP posts:
posieparker · 22/06/2009 19:37

When does he have time for the thumb in between cigarettes, your tongue,food and drink.
EEWWWWW, that would put me off too. Just like that calculator watch in 1990, damn that man was gorgeous.

MissSunny · 22/06/2009 20:46

Message withdrawn

Pushingonthrough · 22/06/2009 20:50

I have a friend who spits on her pillow and rubs it in as she falls asleep. Rank habit but a lovely lovely person- totally nutter though

Surfermum · 22/06/2009 20:52

I'm a 47 year old thumb sucker. I do it in my sleep, I often wake with a damp thumb. I'm no freak.

Scorpette · 22/06/2009 20:56

I still suck my thumb and it's totally unconscious when I do it. When I'm very relaxed or falling asleep I often realise that I've got my thumb in my mouth and have no recollection of putting it in. It's not a freaky or twisted thing to do, it's a minor oral fixation; psychologically on a par with smoking, biting nails and chewing gum a lot - all of which are considered normal, if not entirely attractive. It's just the connotations with babyhood that make thumbsucking seem odd. I think smoking is far odder behavior, seeing as everyone knows how unhealthy and dangerous it is for both the smoker and anyone forced to breath in their fumes and yet smokers have to delude themselves several times a day that it won't hurt them and it isn't hurting others.

Ditching someone for merely sucking their thumb says a lot more about you than it does about him. Massive over-reaction.
Sorry, but it's true.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 22/06/2009 21:03

yeah, maybe it does, but this guy has enough out of the normal hobbies

scooter club
war games club
comic book fascination

he is very very nice. but this is one strange thing too far.

sorry if i've offended all you people who still suck your thumb.

but i'm sure i'm not the only person out there who finds this odd, and a bit of a deal breaker.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 22/06/2009 21:03

yabu, tbh...am not a thumbsucker..but am a rocker (i.e. I rock myself to sleep....habit from childhood, when I was 3 month in Hospital as a tiny Baby. In those days mums were not allowed to stay wiht you,, and nurses/nuns would only care for you in a necessaity kind of way...shudder...)
....luckily my dh is a bit more enlightened than you apparently are...

EternalSmugnessOTSpotlessLife · 22/06/2009 21:08

Fair enough if it's a dealbreaker for you to end it (though I think it's a daft reason personally).

Think you could have probably done it a bit more gently though. Feel sorry for the poor bloke

Janos · 22/06/2009 21:28

I'm surprised at the number of people who think thumb sucking is normal (in an adult) as tbh it would put me off too.

I think some people are maybe taking this a bit personally!

Redazzy · 22/06/2009 21:33

Doesn't this fall into the 'You are just not that into him' category. I am sure that if you were this would not be a deal breaker.

I have a good friend who is a pediatric dentist and constantly warns children off sucking their thumb while indulging herself shamelessly in the habit in the comfort of her own home. Nothing to be ashamed about imo.

ninah · 23/06/2009 14:26

I think the foetal thing, the blanket and the thumb combined would represent quite a turn off, personally

TheChilliMoose · 23/06/2009 14:29

YANBU. Seeing him like that would render me unable to ever find him attractive again.

Doodle2u · 23/06/2009 14:32

Oh just say "It's not you, it's me" and tell him to suck on that!

idranktheteaatwork · 23/06/2009 14:33

YANBU
Apart from the thumbsucking which is odd for an adult, I don't care how many of you do it..... the bit that would really put me off would be the "i know he will cry". You've only been seeing him for a month??

Run for the hills.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/06/2009 14:35

it could be worse, he could spend his time with his legs wrapped round the taps in the bath trying to suck his own cock

like one ex I had......

TheChilliMoose · 23/06/2009 14:36
Shock