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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for dumping this way

51 replies

ridingjoker · 22/06/2009 19:06

ok, this is a weird one for you.

was seeing this nm exclusively for about 1 month.

last night, watching dvd, i nip off for pee.return to find him curled up round duvet in feotal position sucking his thumb.

at first i thought he was having a laugh(sick joke at that)

then he look mortified. admitted this was a habit he could not break.

so i probably looked pretty shocked. made excuses for needing a ciggie and my bed, so went for one and promptly showed him the door.

this morning he was texting like nothings wrong then started repeatedly calling when i hadn't responded
i was at the italian consulate signing paperwork for dc with ex(rather nasty version of the ex's that go around), who was getting pretty pee'd off at my phone going off.

so i sent thumb sucker a text saying i had been freaked out with his thumb sucking, and that we would not be seeing each other again. and would he stop calling as i was busy (he knew i was going to consulate with ex anyway ),

i also said i would call when it was more suitable. i.e dc in bed, and peace to talk, to have a talk about it if required.

but i know..just know he's going to cry and i cant bear it.

is this behaviour freaky enough to just leave it at that , and ignore any calls or text in future.

or should i see it through and cause him more pain through calling to have a "chat about ending it"

he's already text asking if i can talk yet. and he knows dc dont go to bed till 8-9pm.

he's going to want to know ins and outs. and i just cant lie about these things. i will have to be brutually honest.

OP posts:
IDidntRaiseAThief · 23/06/2009 14:38

well, sounds like for you it IS the deal breaker, and that you weren't really into him that much anyway?

If he was turning you on in every other way, and you were 100% then i doubt this would be such a biggy?

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 14:38

i suppose my main issue is that i find this highly unattractive, and i cant shake the image out my head.

have you ever seen those horror movies where they lock up the crazy person in a padded cell and they're all scrunched up feotal position thumb sucking with knees up to their chin.........

dont think it helps i have all white bedding and all white walls.

again, i dont mean to offend anyone who's still doing this in your adulthood. But i doubt very much you do it in the same position.

maybe i shoulkd watch less horror movies?

OP posts:
Doodle2u · 23/06/2009 14:39

He's going to cry.

He sucks his thumb.

Feotal position.

Hugging his blanky.

What happens when he takes you out for dinner - does he take his own moulie?

Nancy66 · 23/06/2009 14:40

I would find it a massive turn off too -you did the right thing.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 23/06/2009 14:43

YABU

I sucked my thumb until I was 23 and stopped once I was settled with DH.

Hopefully he will meet someone who isn't so judgemental and reactionary.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 14:44

fabbakerirl - did you do it curled up in bed in feotal position?

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 23/06/2009 14:45

What does it matter what I used to do?

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 14:48

well, just sucking your thumb is, as said earlier, i agree an oral fixation or comfort. that i could perhaps have come to terms with. if i'd been forewarned.

i had already asked him if he had any weird hobbies or quirks as i didn't want to be suprised with them.

but adding the strange position is a whole different kettle of fish when you are confronted with it unexpected.

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 14:49

any other hobbies once i knew about some of other stuff he did.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 23/06/2009 14:50

Well, he clearly doesn't see it as weird or odd. Which it isn't.

And getting comfy isn't odd either, just in your opinion.

Doodle2u · 23/06/2009 14:52

"Well, he clearly doesn't see it as weird or odd. Which it isn't."

Yes it is!

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 23/06/2009 14:53

In your opinion.

Doesn't make you right any more than me.

It is just an opinion.

idranktheteaatwork · 23/06/2009 14:55

Of course it's odd. Parents spend years persuading their children not to suck their thumbs.
It's a childhood comfort thing, I would be put off seeing a partner sucking away at their thumb on a regular basis. Especially if curled up in the foetal position with a comfort blanket.

I want a relationship with an adult, not a child.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 14:55

thats the thing fabbaker - he does think its odd. says it "habit" he cant break, and he was mortified i had caught him by suprise

OP posts:
Doodle2u · 23/06/2009 14:58

The only time it's not odd, is when you're 3!

Nancy66 · 23/06/2009 15:00

it absolutely 100% IS odd for an adult man to be:

  1. still sucking his thumb
  2. to openly do it at somebody else's home
  3. to need a security blanket.
Wanderingsheep · 23/06/2009 15:01

Hmm... I suppose yabu, but you can't have liked him that much in the first place for it to be a real deal breaker!

My sister says she still sucks her thumb when she is upset or tired, although I haven't seen her do it for years! She is 35!

I think it's quite sweet... But it's not very erm... Manly is it?

lou33 · 23/06/2009 15:09

i would find it a huge turn off if i found the man i was seeing, doing the same thing

bamboobutton · 23/06/2009 17:55

i find this quite pathetic actually.

it's not like you came back from the bog to find him dressed as a man baby, wanting you to give him his bottle and burp him

he could've been a wonderful partner if you had given him a chance.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 17:59

bamboo - how do i know he's not secretly into that kind of thing???

not worth the chance imo when i have dc to think about.

OP posts:
bamboobutton · 23/06/2009 18:01

well, if you had given him a chance you could find out if he's a man baby, then you can come on here and tell us all about it

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 18:10

rofl . bamboo

OP posts:
PeedOffWithNits · 23/06/2009 18:43

I cant see how thumb sucking is really any different from hair twiddling or any other nervous repetitive habit - in fact it should be trialed as a quit smoking aid!

IMO it is a compliment that he felt so at ease with you to be so natural

lou33 · 23/06/2009 19:09

we all want to know if he asked you for bitty or not?

Original poster
ridingjoker · 23/06/2009 21:33

lou, behave, i already feel queesy at the image

OP posts: