Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have called the police on DP

123 replies

motherlovebone · 21/06/2009 22:51

earlier this evening my daughter kicked DP, he smacked her bottom...he knows i deal with the discipline here (she has a different father) i didnt see the incident, she came crying to me, shocked obviously and Lord knows what else...i told him to fuck off, he stayed put and i called the police. he went before they arrived.
he didnt appologise.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/06/2009 09:20

silly silly woman. i hope social services don't come knocking because of your inflated uber mater ego

SouthMum · 22/06/2009 09:32

What a complete nutter you are OP.

IMO He has done nothing wrong and I feel pretty sorry for him tbh

Calling the police?? LOL, oh please.......how pathetic and dramatic. I hope they bill you for wasted time.

ingles2 · 22/06/2009 10:48

So what has happened MLB? Did your partner come back? Have you managed to talk to him?

Stigaloid · 22/06/2009 10:50

YABU - waste of police time

Nekabu · 22/06/2009 11:00

YAUtterlyBarking. I would be well chuffed if I were sitting there waiting for the police to turn up because I thought someone was breaking into my house but they were already tied up at your place because your dd got a smacked bum in return for kicking her step father.

Frasersmum123 · 22/06/2009 11:06

Maybe the strict upbringing that the OP mentioned hints at the real reason for her over-reaction.

Or there is more to the relationship that meets the eye. Where you scared of him?

OP - Why did your daughter kick you partner, you havent said.

I do think YABU, but I also think some people have been a little harsh, and I dont know how I would react if in the same situation.

cinnamon81 · 22/06/2009 11:10

YANBU

I am really shocked at how many parents on here think it's acceptable for an adult to hit a small child. She's only 5!

FWIW if any adult, including my DH hit my child I would call the police too. It's abuse of power, in no way can it be considered disciplining or parenting. Thought it was illegal in this country any way? It's violence and wrong, wrong, wrong

BroodyChook · 22/06/2009 11:11

YABVU.

cinnamon81 · 22/06/2009 11:13

Although if you all live in the same house you can't take sole responsibilty for parenting and disciplining your child, you both need to discuss how to deal with things in the same way, more so your child has some consistency and knows where she stands than anything else.

Gorionine · 22/06/2009 11:21

I can't believe you are on one hand saying "no I would not have called the police if he had smacked DS" in the same post as " I was smacked when little and remember feeling poverless" You are very inconsistant. Why is it worse because it is your DD and not his? if you live together he should IMHO get the same respect as you are expecting your DD to get. I assume her dad never smacked her because she does not kick him?

3littlefrogs · 22/06/2009 11:23

cinnamon - I don't think the majority think it is ok to smack a small child (although one or two have said this). It is the calling of the police that most people find innapropriate.

Unless of course, there is something the OP is not telling us, for example, he threatened her, has uncontrollable temper, history of DV etc.

But as far as we know, the child kicked him, he smacked her on the bottom, through the clothes. Not good, but understandable even if unacceptable. She told him to leave, he refused, she called the police. Innappropriate escalation IMO.

2 reasonable adults should have been able to resolve this, calmly.

mayorquimby · 22/06/2009 11:24

but cinamon she smacks the child herself. fair enough if you think hitting is wrong all together, i'd agree with you.
but the problem here isn't the smacking of a child, she's done it herself and admits she wouldn't have called the police if he'd hit their child which he's the bio father to. the problem is with the balance of power and her refusing to let him discipline a child who is living in the family home.

OrmIrian · 22/06/2009 11:29

She kicked him. I don't approve of smacking but fFS! Why can he not discipline her?

YABU.

OrmIrian · 22/06/2009 11:31

Why would it be OK to smack your son?

Where is DP now? What did the police say?

BitOfFun · 22/06/2009 11:32

I have never heard of anything more ridiculous in my life (well maybe I have, but it's right up there...). YABU, and a bit of a twit tbh.

MadameCastafiore · 22/06/2009 11:35

You are setting yourself up for a huge fall letting your partner discipline one child but not another be it his own or not, there will be fights and arguements between the kids and your daughter will see him disciplining your son and think she can get away with murder and that will cause a rift between your kids and also your partner, his son and your daughter and you.

I hope they cautioned you for wasting police time.

Blu · 22/06/2009 11:39

Is your DP back?

I think you both need to get to the bottom of this.

Not only about his role in the house, and as step-father, but your jpint approach to discipline. You simply cannot go on with so many moveable goalposts.

yes, he may well have had a strict upbringing, and i can see why you would be apprehensive about him disciplining EITHER of your children with smacking, but you also have a problem with anger management and boundaries.

What about seeking somoe sort of advice together - maybe book some sessions with Relate?

I imagine your DP will be very angry at having been chucked out under threat of police?

If there is something more complicated that made you frightened to have him in the house, then you need to seek urgent advice and help about that.

Good luck with sorting it all out.

2rebecca · 22/06/2009 11:44

Smacking isn't illegal. 5 is old enough to know better and if my kids at that age had kicked me they probably would have got a smack.
Even if you are an avid nonsmacker though calling the police is completely OTT.

mrsjammi · 22/06/2009 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bumptwitknocker · 22/06/2009 12:21

The discipline maybe should be left to you, but calling the police was hugely OTT and a waste of time and money. DD shouldn't have kicked him in the first place.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 22/06/2009 12:29

if you live together as a family, you have to function as a family. It seems like you have in your mind your daughter and a separate little box for new partner and son.

Well, if you want to remain a family, you can't think like that. He must be a father to both children or it's never going to work. If he's not treating the child fairly that's another matter, but if it is that you have the attitude of this is not your child, back off - well, then I don't see how you can stay a family.

Greensleeves · 22/06/2009 12:39

I'm sure I remember a thread on here entitled "my partner smacked my dd" in which a mother's partner had smacked her child (once, no mention of removing clothes IIRC) for licking sugar off her hands after eating a donut

that thread escalated and there were serious additional issues - but the immediate response simply to the man having smacked that child was VERY different to the tone of the responses on this thread

if anyone smacked either of my two I would think seriously about calling the police. But then I think hitting people is wrong, and bigger people hitting smaller people to exert control over them is even worse (there I go again with my black and white thinking)

HecatesTwopenceworth · 22/06/2009 12:44

I am anti-smacking. The hitting was wrong, imo. But the op seems to be operating 2 or 3 different families which I think is a bigger problem even than a smack on the bum

Her and her daughter
her, her partner and her son
maybe also her, her daughter and her son ??

and that just isn't going to work.

whereeverIlaymyhat · 22/06/2009 12:49

I'm sure I remember a thread on here entitled "my partner smacked my dd" in which a mother's partner had smacked her child (once, no mention of removing clothes IIRC) for licking sugar off her hands after eating a donut

Common sense would dictate that a smack in that scenario was over the top and unwarranted.
I'm not a big smacker by any means, especially now mine are older but if a 5 year old was still kicking then a wallop on the bum is not an unreasonable reaction from anybody.
If she was 2 and kicking out an entirely different matter again.

ingles2 · 22/06/2009 12:53

you totally right Greeny, I have the same strong opinions for my sons. I have never smacked them and would never allow anyone else to either.
MLB's problem is her blatant inconsistency...
she has smacked her dd, but prefers not to
dp is not allowed to discipline dd at all
but could smack ds
Quite how she has a long term relationship without discussing this, I'm not sure... I would never have dreamt of having a child with someone without knowing that their parenting ideas are in line with mine, but hey ho... somehow she has...
I only hope she has a chance to talk to her dp now.