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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have called the police on DP

123 replies

motherlovebone · 21/06/2009 22:51

earlier this evening my daughter kicked DP, he smacked her bottom...he knows i deal with the discipline here (she has a different father) i didnt see the incident, she came crying to me, shocked obviously and Lord knows what else...i told him to fuck off, he stayed put and i called the police. he went before they arrived.
he didnt appologise.
AIBU?

OP posts:
apostrophe · 21/06/2009 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
motherlovebone · 21/06/2009 23:26

no, wouldnt call the police if he smacked our son.
i guess ive got to check myself.

OP posts:
mamas12 · 21/06/2009 23:27

yabott unless you are not telling us of other incidences?

Original poster
motherlovebone · 21/06/2009 23:27

no apostrophe i guess he could counter claim, but surely that would be an even bigger waste of police time

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 21/06/2009 23:27

I think once you've calmed down things'll be clearer.
Do you argue about DD/his role with her much or is it usually harmonious?

ginormoboobs · 21/06/2009 23:28

YABVU
So you lost your temper because he would not leave the moment you told him to and called the police.
Waste of police time. His behavour was awful but there was no need to call the police.

Biglips · 21/06/2009 23:28

!!

CountessDracula · 21/06/2009 23:28

There must be more to this if you called the police

Alambil · 21/06/2009 23:29

WTF??? He can smack the boy - presumably younger... but not his step-daughter?

I think you may be a bit confused - is it smacking allowed or no smacking in your house?? Make your mind up and stick to it!

ingles2 · 21/06/2009 23:29

yep, I think you have MLB.
Either he is your partner and has the same rights as you or you might as well call it a day now.
Have you talked to him about how to discipline? Have you decided together the best way to deal with bad behaviour? or is dd yours and dp has to just keep out?

Original poster
motherlovebone · 21/06/2009 23:32

we do argue about his role, his family were strict, so were mine actually. he is always piping up about how he would have had a smack for this and that.
i remember being smacked and feeling so powerless.
wholly appriciate all perspectives

OP posts:
ingles2 · 21/06/2009 23:34

well if he comes back,... and after what you have done tonight you might have blown it.... you better have a chat so you are presenting a united front to the dc's on discipline ...both dc's that is!

mrsruffallo · 21/06/2009 23:35

I think that you either smack or you don't.
It seems the problem is that he is frustrated with your daughter and took his chance to discipline her. Doing that out of anger/frustration is wrong.
I think you need to sit down and listen to each other and define roles and rules in the house.
This isn't good for DD to experience as it encouraged division within the family but I am sure you know that
Maybe it's crunch time!

kitkatqueen · 21/06/2009 23:37

sorry, but if your dp is never allowed to discipline her at all then I think this was bound to happen eventually.

If he has to wait for you to deal with every minor discipline situation then frustration is going to build and eventually she was bound to do something that would make him react.

How would you feel if he told you that you were not allowed to discipline his son at all??

If you are going to have him back in your lives - if he wants too - then he is going to need a more equal role and you are going to have to discuss this properly with him and sort this out.

I'm sorry but I think tonite you reacted out of shock, by your reaction to him and calling the police - I think he probably did too when he was kicked. I think you were unreasonable in your actions and he was in his, but! I also think him not being allowed to discipline your daughter is also unreasonable. She is a child and needs consistancy. If you put her on the step or whatever then he should be able to as well.

You all need to apologise to each other...

2rebecca · 21/06/2009 23:38

It doesn't sound much of a partnership to me. 1 smack to a misbehaving stepchild is hardly abuse.
I presume he won't be your "darling" partner much longer! I wouldn't want my husband to smack my kids (his stepkids) but wouldn't swear at him in front of them and definitely wouldn't call the police for 1 smack, unless I wanted him out of my life and was looking for an excuse.
Are you wanting him put on the child abusers register so he never sees his son? Mad.
Smacking stepchildren is unreasonable if he has agreed not to(but kicking your stepfather is also unreasonable) it isn't a matter for the police though. If she kicked him she sounds poorly disciplined.

ingles2 · 21/06/2009 23:39

has he seen you smack her btw?

littleducks · 21/06/2009 23:40

so he smacked her hard enough to leave a small mark? tech isnt that illegal?

i would be pissed off

perhaps rather tha calling the police you should have take the kids for time out somewhere but i can see you got carried away

your dd needs discipline, she shouldnt be kicking her step father but i can see that its isnt too unbelievable for a 6 yr old to do this but he should have punished her without hitting her, he should be allowed to punish her but def not allowed to hit her if you are aggainst it (i assume her bio father wouldnt be to happy about this either)

AitchTwoOh · 21/06/2009 23:42

agree with cd, there must be more to this if you called the police. what really happened? and how how old dd and ds?

Original poster
motherlovebone · 21/06/2009 23:42

agreed mrsruffallo
we need to redefine the boundaries.
probably all need to all start respecting each other more.
for now, i will keep my side of the street clean. will have to talk at some point.
i have taken your points on board.
off to bed now. thanks all.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 21/06/2009 23:48

He smacks your PFB on her bum, through her clothes. You tell him to leave his home. Quite unsuprisingly he says 'No'. You call the police...

Why exactly do you need to ask if you were being unreasonable?

You don't agree with smacking, fine, but fgs sort out some kind of discipline then! A 6 year old who kicks a parent (and make no mistake he is parenting both of your children) needs sorting out. He needs your back up, not this crap. What a proper little madame you are going to create if you allow her to think she has all power in your house and he is to do as he's told by you... fgs - can't you see that???

Why do you argue about his role? You live together with 2 children, one biologically his and one not - shouldn't make a blind bit of difference which one this was. He is parenting them both. She is 6, presumably he's been around at least 3 years, so she probably can't even remember a time he wasn't there.... it's not like he's come into this with her as an older child.

Nahui · 22/06/2009 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kimi · 22/06/2009 08:13

grow up, So your child is allowed to be violent then.
Would she be allowed to kick her father, your mother or you?

Good lord woman, the police should arrest you for time wasting

3littlefrogs · 22/06/2009 08:31

How old are the pair of you?

This kind of thread makes me so depressed.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/06/2009 09:00

YABU.
He smacked her - he shouldn't have done if smacking is not done in the house but it's a bit muddier than that isn't it. Still, he should have thought of a better way than smacking. (and that is not getting you to deal with it - do you want your DD to grow up thinking she has more authority than him? Because that's what will happen)

You told him to fuck off out of his own home. Knee jerk reaction - but I'm not surprised he was narked - your DD kicked him which was very naughty and you are focussing on the smack - you tell him to leave his own house - he reacts with anger.

You call the police!!!!! Jesus. Now they have a record of your DP being violent to your DD - if they get any other referrals they will refer you to social services - did you know that? What an overreaction. You need to allow your DP to be involved in parenting your DD.

dawntigga · 22/06/2009 09:16

Fol de rol

dxx

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