Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH has done the ironing 'for me'

46 replies

BettySwollux · 21/06/2009 21:26

We have an agreement thay DH irons DC clothes while I bath DS2, he's not keen on bathtime, I hate ironing, so seemed a good solution all round.

Tonight he said, "I've done the ironing for you".
I said, no you havent done it for 'me', youve just 'done it' period. There was none of my clothes in the ironing pile, if you've done it for anyone its the DSs, and I didnt say "im just off to bath DS2 for you", "ive swept the floor for you and washed the dishes for you".
This is supposed to be his job, and while I really appreciate the help, saying that he has done it 'for me' just gets on my tits a bit.

I do jobs without pointing them out, but he seems to feel the need to say 'Ive done x,y and z'
So.........should I buy him a star chart or AIBU?

OP posts:
SazzlesA · 21/06/2009 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

letsgostrawberrypicking · 21/06/2009 21:29

oh my goodness! This must be a pretty common thing then as I get things done "for you" too!

Is such an annoying saying isnt it? Then I get a sulky dh when i point out it's for us all not just "for me"

Tommy · 21/06/2009 21:30

mine says this - my Dad did as well apparenbtly so it's not a new thing - just drives you bloody mad doesn't it?!

Paolosgirl · 21/06/2009 21:31

My DH does this too - my 'favourite' is "I've put the ironing board up for you" when I mention there's a pile of ironing waiting to be done. I retaliate by leaving his clothes in the basket and saying "I've left the ironing board up for you to iron your shirts".

YANBU at all.

Thegreenfliesareonme · 21/06/2009 21:33

Mine says "I've taken in your washing" as if only my clothes were hanging out. Grrrr! (At least he takes it in though).

Original poster
BettySwollux · 21/06/2009 21:34

Thank God Im not alone (and also not BU - yay).
DH got very moody when I pointed this out too strawberry.
He particularly wasnt chuffed when I told him not to bother going out next friday night - as Id go for him.

OP posts:
bronze · 21/06/2009 21:36

mines one of those too

MrsMcCluskey · 21/06/2009 21:38

mine does this too
drives me mad
Sometimes he empties the dishwasher for me, or takes the bins out for me.
I am sooooo lucky.

ja9 · 21/06/2009 21:43

we had this argument v early on in marriage... now dh makes a point of saying 'i just did it cos' it needs done'.... it makes us both laugh, but took many heated discussions to get to this stage lol!

stainesmassif · 21/06/2009 21:59

here too. ja9, could you come have some of those rows for me too please!

laineylou · 21/06/2009 22:23

YANBU. I also get peeved when DH says he'll 'babysit' the children if I want to have an evening out...although I think I have finally got through to him after offering to babysit them til he gets back from work.

kiddiz · 21/06/2009 22:51

I would have passed out from the shock of dh doing the ironing that I would have missed the "for you" bit.

Rachmumoftwo · 21/06/2009 23:05

DH says this too! It is so annoying. I hadn't realised it was so common- they are all the same after all.

He also expects praise and thanks for doing the tasks I have to do as a matter of course. No-one ever says 'Thanks Rach for doing the hoovering,' or 'Thanks Rach for making the packed lunches,' so why do I have to thank DH??!!

thumbwitch · 21/06/2009 23:09

heh heh - yes it is annoying isn't it! WHenever DH and I have arguments discussions about this sort of thing, he always says things like "Well I cook your dinner for you" - as though he isn't cooking it for himself at the same time!

yes, they do love that you notice, appreciate and praise whenever they do something that they consider is outside of the Normal Remit of a Man's Duties. (i.e. housework) - I do try to remember but only so that he will continue to do it; it's annoying but a small price to pay if it means he does it. Although since we made the decision that he does cooking/kitchen care (cleaning, washing up etc) then I did stop saying thank you for doing the washing up etc. Now I make him thank me if I have done it "for him"! Ah, justice....

wrinklytum · 21/06/2009 23:13

I can see where you are coming from with teh "For you" comment.(Oh,surely you have just DONE the ironing!)

But as thepartner of a dp who doesn't know one end of an iron from another I am impressed.(I don't know one end of a drill from another so could hardly complain when he fitted thekitchen)though this was a one off so I can totally see where you are coming from.

actually YANBU!

Wordsmith · 21/06/2009 23:21

Congrats on having a DP who does the ironing. Did he do it unprompted or did you have to ask? Buy yes YANBU to be pissed off at the 'for you' bit.

I got annoyed yesterday when one of DH's friends cam up to me at the kids' footy match to ask if DH 'had permission' to go to watch the rugby at the pub later on that day. I felt like one of my kids friends was asking if he could come out to play. If I want to go out with a friend, I ask her - I don't then go and ask her DH if that's OK - I leave it to her to discuss it with him.

I hate being made to feel as though I'm DH's mum instead of his partner. The worst thing is he goes along with it too!

Sorry for the slight hijack.

2rebecca · 22/06/2009 11:39

I hate it when men talk about having to get "a pass" from their wives to go out, sounding like little children being grounded.
If I want to go out I check bloke is in if we have kids and then go. I wouldn't expect my friends to ask my husband if I can go out so wouldn't expect husband's friends to ask me.
Agree re blokes feeling doing housework is a bonus you should be grateful for, not just part of life.

beanieb · 22/06/2009 11:41

I get it too and so does my workmate. 'I've done the hoovering for you, I've bought you some new washing powder, I've got you some cloths'

Stigaloid · 22/06/2009 11:45

YANBU it is annoying but i read somewhere and DH agrees that men compare what they do not to what other men of their generation do, but what their father's did. Most DH@s dads didn't do much housework (my FIL never changed a nappy in his life for example) and so when they say they did something 'for you' it is their way of highlighting that they contrbute. It is still annoying as it is also their family, their house, their lifestyle etc but when they say it i think it is their way of wanting to acknowledge that they contribute. I'd get the reward chart out and give him a star

babyignoramus · 22/06/2009 12:19

Poor DH would love me to do some of his ironing. Any other housework is fine, but I don't do ironing. Life is too short to flatten clothes IMO. I buy clothes that don't need it, and DH does his own shirts.

Just worked it out. The last time I ironed was in 2005.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 22/06/2009 12:21

excellent example of the inherent sexism that still exists in our society.

Stigaloid · 22/06/2009 12:34

babyig - me too - i give a good shake when out of the washing machine and hang dry and then do the crease 'lived in' look. If DH wants to wear a nice shirt to work he irons it himself. I tried ironing his shirt once but was so bad he asked me never to try again . Mind you, he cooked once and i asked the same request of him. :lol

audreyraines · 22/06/2009 12:55

they drive me nuts. i was really sick yesterday and hardly got out of bed. at 4pm dh asks if the shops close at 5 (which they do). i say 'why'? it's because he is thinking of dinner. anyway he takes ds out to the park and i see downstairs that he's opened a couple of pages of recipes books, none of which we even vaguely have the ingredients for, and clearly he won't be going to the shop.
i relent and cook dinner once again. he says 'oh i didn't expect you to do it, i thought you'd be resting'. which is fine, but i could just imagine him trying to serve up something at about 10pm.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 22/06/2009 12:57

Oh yes, it's quite common. It's because in their heart of hearts, they truly believe that housework and childcare is your job and that anything they do is a huge favour to you, because they are doing your job for you!!

I blame their mothers

lynniep · 22/06/2009 13:13

heh heh. I feel like this too. Everytime DH does something (and to be fair, these days he's pretty good at doing 'stuff' without being asked e.g. washing up, filling up dishwasher, hanging out clothes for me, cleaning bathroom) he tells me several times that he's done it and wants pats on the backs and lots of well dones.

I never bother fishing for approval when I've done the housework - why on earth would I? But maybe I should start

The thing that really gets my goat is that if he gets up with DS in the night - which is very rare these days - or if he gets up with him in the morning - he needs all week to recover from it. And doesnt stop mentioning it. I spent just over two years doing this all by myself every single night (DS has only recently started sleeping through) and the only reason I now have a repreive is because I'm pg and DH has finally realised that I need a break too.
To be fair, he did nasty work hours for the first 1.5 years, so I didnt mind doing the night and morning shift then - its just that every time he says 'I'm so tired- I had to get up with DS two nights ago' I think jeez - big deal!!