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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to fecking hate fathers day!

36 replies

drlove8 · 21/06/2009 18:35

I think its a bit of a joke tbh, there are thousands of deadbeat dads who have kids here there and everywhere and dont lift a finger to help raise the children.I personally know two who are utter shits to their kids and still expect at least a card today. It's also a bit rubbish for the children who have no parent(S).Do they need reminded of what they havent got? I would love to scrap the whole fathers day/ mothers day and replace it with a special persons day. That way you could have a favorite auntie/granma/best friend instead to share the day with. most dads i know have used the day as an excuse to bugger off to the pub.... How does that make them a good DAD?

OP posts:

muggglewump · 21/06/2009 18:39

Well, I took my Dad and DD out to lunch today. My Dad and I hated each other growing up and I think today for both of us showed how we've resolved all that. My DD has a deadbeat Dad, but she was more than happy to make my Dad a card and spend the day with him.

I know it's not the same for every family, but the three of us had a lovely time.

4andnotout · 21/06/2009 18:39

YAB a bit U-There are plenty of good dads about whose children want to show them how much they appreciate them.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 21/06/2009 18:40

YABVVVU

Why should DH miss out on fathers day because of the shitty ones? there are shitty mums too after all- MIL's pissed off after a few yeras and was never seen again (well not for forty years)

DH has walked the river with us, amde rollercoasters with the boys and we shared a nice meal. he deserves to be acknowledged as a good DAD not just special person, DAD

And maybe if the shitty shits feel one ounce of shame when they see the signs etc that's a job well done also

You don't punish the good to sort the bad, being a father gets enough of a negative rpess these days, kids need to see it as something that maters not is just disposdable or transferable. other people can make a real contribution- but a dad is a Dad from the day they ejaculate until the day they die; it should be seen as the most imoportant role they ever take on adn valued

HecatesTwopenceworth · 21/06/2009 18:42

That does sound shit, yes.

Didn't get my dh a card. Not because he's a bad dad, but because he doesn't believe in setting a random day where you have to go all sheep like and buy a card because you're told it's time.

For this same reason, we don't celebrate valentines day. Nothing less romantic than being romantic because the calender says it's time

I think the whole idea of this day, that day should go and people should be spontaneous! Make a gesture because it's in your heart, not your diary!

muggglewump · 21/06/2009 18:42

And can I just add that I missed my first Grand Prix in 14 years to take my Dad to lunch, so it really did mean a lot, and he knows that.
He's 84 and spent a week in hospital recently and it really hit home that I may not have him for much longer.
Perhaps that's why I'm feeling good about Father's Day and I may have agreed with you a year ago.

moondog · 21/06/2009 18:45

It's all ridiculous and does nothing but make card companies rich.

Original poster

drlove8 · 21/06/2009 18:48

hecate .... thats just my point... be nice to the people who deserve it!.... you always understand what im getting at !. Im not trying to ruin the day for the decent dads, but i object to the muppets who father kids and run off!... or the ones that are abusive/violent... why should they get included in marked celebrations?

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 18:52

it meant alot to my dp today as ds has ASD and isnt as close to dp but ds made him a card at pre school carried in a tray with bacon sandwiches on gave him the biggest cuddle in the whole world and told him he was the best i haven't seen my dp so happy in a long time meant so much to him

i also get to tell my dad how much he means to me his not the sort of person you can be like that with only on occasions such as these and it means a lot to him too

i do see your point though but i guess in my family it means a lot to the men to be recognised
as all the children for long working hours on mens part have been closer to the mums and the dads must feel bit bad for that and fathers day enables them the same fuss as the mums get on daily basis

bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 18:53

the thing is for the dead beat dads and horrible men out there they aren't really getting a fathers day if they dont get a card or message of love through the post they are forgotten on fathers day that'll be there constant reminder

Original poster

drlove8 · 21/06/2009 18:53

Peachy ???? " A dad is a dad from the day they ejaculate until the day they die, ". sorry i dont agree with that. Emitting bodily fluids does not entitle some men to claim the title of "dad" .

OP posts:

Original poster

drlove8 · 21/06/2009 18:56

I get your point Bubblagirl, but the children are also reminded that "dad" isnt about , its shite for the kids and the mums who have got to tell the kids why.

OP posts:

muggglewump · 21/06/2009 18:59

Moondog, the card companies got £1.50 out of me, hardly a lot. I bought my Dad a bottle of whiskey and took him to lunch, DD made him a card.
It's not just today either, I'm going over this week to mow the lawns for him.

DD's Dad got fuck all from her. Unless he has more children he'll have got nothing, which is exactly what he deserves, well that and the maintenance bill I managed to present to him courtesy of the CSA this year!

He has one week left to pay around £750 so that's what DD and I got him

bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 19:12

i do get your point but then it could be said for any occasion x mas , b days its all a reminder that that parent is absent

i guess for me i dont know it from the other side but have friends who have had other male figures in there life they celebrated with and never bothered them but it did there mum

bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 19:13

all things are over rated but i love mothers day as it makes me feel appreciated seeing my hand made card with tons of glitter id miss it

Tortington · 21/06/2009 19:17

i thinkits a nice thing to do.

and there are cards for that special person who brought you up - or is a male figurehad in your life.

every mothers day i got my NAN a card

i have no-one to buy for on mothersday now

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 21/06/2009 19:24

'Peachy ???? " A dad is a dad from the day they ejaculate until the day they die, ". sorry i dont agree with that. Emitting bodily fluids does not entitle some men to claim the title of "dad" . '

But thats the thing isn't it- it was what I meant anyway (and I was trying to be a bit lighthearted as well)- they should be a DAd. Some fail dramtically but hiologically and morally they are the Dad and they should take responsibility for it.

it doesn't end if the relationship (if there was one) does- it goes on for ever and it's not something that can be shirked.

2anddone · 21/06/2009 19:31

I'm sorry but I don't agree Peachy. I go along with the old saying of anyone can be a father but it takes a true man to be a dad. My biological father walked out when I was 4 and my mum met my step dad when I was 6 and married him when I was 8 he is the only dad I have ever had and today he was sent a card but my father received nothing and haven't seen or heard from him in 28 years

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 21/06/2009 19:34

That's just language semantics: Dad is the same word for meas =father

However any man can be a Dad / Father / sperm donor; it takes a real man to be a GOOD Dad / father

I called my Dad / Father dad when he was absuing me as a child; DH called his Dad / father Dad when he left them

The name doesn't mean tuppence, the actions do

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 21/06/2009 19:35

And if you feel the nedd to rewrite my posts with the word father in palce of Dad, why would I care?

Rubyrubyrubyinthegame · 21/06/2009 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chegirl · 21/06/2009 19:44

I am being a grumpy old mare today. Bloody hate Mothers day, Fathers day, valentines day blardy blardy blah.

All they do is remind me that DD isnt here, Dad isnt here, life isnt the same as it was 6 years ago. Blaaahhhhhhh!

But I dont begrudge anyone else their little slice of Hallmark though.

Oh except Hallmark - hate them.

angrypixie · 21/06/2009 19:58

well, I wish my Dad was still here so I could line the pockets of the card companies a little more.

Can you believe that someone said to me this week, whilst they were choosing a card, 'at least you don't have to worry about this crap!'

I'm missing my dad today and I hope that everyone who still has one took time out to appreciate it.

walkingonthemoon · 21/06/2009 20:52

angrypixie - couldn't sgree more. Miss my dad terribly too. Wish I could give him a card and take him out for a slap up meal like we used too...

muggglewump · 21/06/2009 21:28

That's why I've done something nice for my Dad today, because if I didn't I'd regret it (and I want to of course), I know how it feels, having lost my Mum almost 8 years ago, exactly a month before DD was born.

God, she annoyed me, but I wish she was still here to annoy me further!

TheCrackFox · 21/06/2009 21:45

Dh works hard all year and I think he deserved a lazy day. We made a huge cooked breakfast and then spent a nice day together.

OK there are a lot of crap dads but the same can be said about some mums.

YABU

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