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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really cross with dd for not coming in till midnight?

139 replies

OurCountrysGood · 21/06/2009 09:06

Dd is 26 and has 2 dc of her own - ds who is 2.5 and dd 17 weeks. They don't live near us, as they moved away last year but dd drives down frequently to see us, and I go to see her too.

Last night she and the kids stayed over, while she went out to a friend's house. I assumed she'd be back by 11 although she didn't actually say this. She had to come back at about 9 to re-settle dgd who had woken up and was screaming but then went back out again.

At about 11.45 I woke up to hear dgs screaming in the hallway. I think he had woken up and gone to look for his mummy but not found her and didn't know where he was. He was very distressed and only wanted dd. It was quite upsetting for me and dh to hear him cry.

I tried to phone dd to get her to come home but she didn't answer her mobile. She then phoned back about 5 minutes later and said she'd come home straight away.

She was back about 10 minutes after that, but for the whole time dgs was sobbing and crying, it was extremely upsetting.

So, AIBU to think she stayed out too late and should have answered her phone straight away? Me and dh slept really badly because of this. I've namechanged because she's a MNer.

OP posts:
Kimi · 21/06/2009 11:03

Ok next time kis screams, shut their door shut yours put pillow over head and let him/her get on with it, they will stop

Original poster
OurCountrysGood · 21/06/2009 11:03

She went out at about 8.15 after the kids were in bed, then came back at 9 ish for dgd and was back out again at 9.45.

I can settle a crying child no problem, but a screaming hysterical one is a different matter. I have a good relationship with dgs and see him and dgd every week. He looks forward to seeing me and us very affectionate. However, sometimes kids just want their mums, especially attachment parenting children in my experience. 2.5 is still very young to be left.

OP posts:
WolframAlpha · 21/06/2009 11:04

parp.

janeite · 21/06/2009 11:05

Okay - stop feeding the troll everybody. There are far more interesting threads on here!

piscesmoon · 21/06/2009 11:06

If every post say YABU I think that you can take it that you are! These threads generally get all sorts of opinion-it is quite rare to get everyone thinking along similar lines!
I am very thankful that I could leave DCs with my mother or MIL at that age and they always said 'Off you go-have a nice time-don't worry we can cope'. Since I was a single mother I wouldn't have got out much if they were going to expect me home when they wanted to go to bed and were going to phone me any time he cried!

LovelyTinOfSpam · 21/06/2009 11:07

If she had rolled in at 4am blind drunk and vomited over the cat, having promised to be in by 10, Y would not BU.

She broke her evening once to settle DC. Then came home permanently when called.

You should have told her she had to be home by 10.

Or you should have told her that you didn't want to do it at all.

Midnight is not late, she was 10 mins away and drinking tea, and came home when called.

I can't see where she went wrong TBH.

YABVU.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 21/06/2009 11:08

Oh yes and the neighbour coming around in the middle of the night to see if "a child had been abandoned" is exremely silly.

scaryteacher · 21/06/2009 11:10

Bollocks - I used to leave my ds with his paternal grandparents for a week at that age, and we lived 180 miles apart at the time.

You evidently have issues with your daughter. Having been on the receiving end of such behaviour from my Dad, I butted out and had not a lot to do with him; unlike the close relationship I have with my wonderful Mum.

Guess what? He died at 60, and the only memory my ds now 13 has of my Dad is that he shouted a lot and made me (ds) cry. On the other hand my ds has a fab relationship with my Mum, they speak frequently on the phone, and he loves going to stay when we are back in UK, and loves her coming to stay out here with us. Which relationship do you want?

SouthMum · 21/06/2009 11:11

Oh do one OP - you are taking the piss.

2.5 is too young too be left? Get real.

For the sake of your DDs sanity please do not babysit again as you are clearly not capable of it.

Yes sometimes kids want their mums, but sometimes mums aren't around, they are out haaving a bit of a life (yes a life, you know, mothers are allowed one from time to time) As a grandparent and a mother you should realise this and just deal with it. The fact of the matter is she came home when you called her. The fact that I reckon most other normal loving grandparents would have just sorted it out is neither here or there.

As others have said this has just made me realise how bloody lucky I am to have a mum who wants to look after my kid and encourages me to have a bit of fun and 'me' time. I will never ever ever take her for granted again

bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 11:11

so she went out for 45 mins came home to settle child and then went out at 9.45 and you expected her back at 10 she was out no more than few hours altogether she must of felt she hadn't a break at all and you feel she took the mickey you should have said at 9.45 not to go back out poor girl would have had 45 mins break i feel quite sorry for her

Original poster
OurCountrysGood · 21/06/2009 11:11

repeat AGAIN - dd would not want me to leave dgs screaming and I didn't want him to wake dgd up.

Think what you like, I was there and I know what happened. I thought that I was a pretty involved grandparent - I change nappies and help dd out most weeks with her housework. However, it seems that your parents are willing to bring your children up for you, as usual I can't compete with everyone else's parents.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 11:14

she could ahve only been out 25 mins 10 mins to get there 10 mins to get back went out at 8.15 back at 9 20 mins at friends and then home and 45 mins settling child back out at 9.45 you wanted her back at 10 wouldnt have got to friends till 10 and then back at 12 not much time to catch up and drink tea at all is it

frankbestfriend · 21/06/2009 11:15

Errr, boring now.
Don't post aibu if you don't want to hear the opinions it generates.

Thunderduck · 21/06/2009 11:15

YABVVU.

SouthMum · 21/06/2009 11:17

HANG ON - OP says a neighbour came round, I didn't see that post.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Don't talk shit OP...

TrinityRhino · 21/06/2009 11:19

definitely a wind up
[yawn]

Morloth · 21/06/2009 11:21

I think you need to tell your daughter you don't want to babysit for her.

Why didn't you go get him give him some cuddles/a drink of water and maybe take him to bed with you?

Midnight doesn't sound late at all to me if you know your kids are safe with your mum. DS has done the occasional overnighter with the inlaws since he was about 3 months, a few times he has ended up sleeping with them because he was freaked out - was never an issue.

ILiketoMarmiteMarmite · 21/06/2009 11:25

OP can you just clarify:

Your dd went out again at 9.45. You said you would be in bed by 10. Did she know that you expected her to come back in 15 minutes?

insertwittynicknameHERE · 21/06/2009 11:26

'as usual I can't compete with everyone else's parents. '

Oh FGS, you sound so much like my mum now. Don't be such a martyr, get over yourself and realize that the world does not revolve around you.

I will repeat what I said in my last post, you carry on like this and you will loose your DD and your DGC.

ILiketoMarmiteMarmite · 21/06/2009 11:30

"However, it seems that your parents are willing to bring your children up for you"

OCG I don't think that cuddling an upset small child for 18 minutes while waiting for his mother to come home constitutes bringing up her son for her.

bubblagirl · 21/06/2009 11:31

my mum doesnt bring my child up every few weeks or few months she wants to watch him so we can go out by no means is she bringing him up im there 24 hrs raising my ds she babysits and does whats involved for 2-4 hrs and maybe settles him thats it hardly what i call raising my child

piscesmoon · 21/06/2009 11:41

'However, it seems that your parents are willing to bring your children up for you, as usual I can't compete with everyone else's parents. '

I think that this is ridiculous! We are talking about a few hours babysitting, letting your DD have a break while you cope!

SoupDragon · 21/06/2009 11:45

I am so glad you're not my mother.

Not because of the babysitting or because mine is better with my children or aything like that, simply because you're not listening and are being ridiculous.

Look on the bright side, at least you know better than to offer to babysit again. And if your DD sees this, she won't ask anyway.

Worriedunfortunately · 21/06/2009 11:47

Am wondering now how my parents cope. They've had my DD every Wednesday night and Thursday daytime since she was 6 months, shes 4 now. They've never once phoned me to come and get her. They also (this week) had her Friday night as well so that DP and I could go to the cinema. They probably do that on average once a month. I knew I was lucky but I'm now thinking they are bloody saints!

They've also had their other GS for over a week while my DB and SIL went to Dubai for a week on holiday. He was roughly 18months. He cried occasionally and guess what? They coped fine!

I hope to God you're a troll else your poor, poor daughter. You are seriously strange.

Twims · 21/06/2009 11:49

I babysat for the whole weekend last weekend - for a little girl (under 2) with chicken pox who probably did want her mummy, but I didn't begrudge getting up throughout the night to settle her/medicate her on one night - or getting up just after 6 on the other morning. I didn't just say well its past 10pm her mum's not there I'm not on call

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