To invite the whole of Mumsnet to come judge my Ex-P?

[madameovary]

This will probably make more sense to those posting on the Emotional Abuse thread.

Today is a difficult day for me.
Ex-P is getting "handfasted" to OW today. Apparently this is because she thinks she's terminally ill. They are doing this in front of people from the poetry world, none of whom have a clue what he is really like.

He left me in January after several weeks of "we should just be friends".
Logically I am well shot of him. I DO know this!
this was a good example of his behaviour.
DD was ten months old.
When he gets her pg, as he surely will, this will make six DC's to four different mothers.

He is 51 fgs. I recently spoke to his ex-wife who says he was controlling and abusive to her as well and that his 21 yr old son now thinks he's a joke.

Yes, I am hurting, yes I am wishing I had never met him (if not for my beautiful DD its my favourite fantasy).
And yes it will make me feel a whole lot better if you tell me what a twunt he is!

regardless of how MO looks she was sucked in by allegedly charismatic new age softly spoken weirdy.

and as uncomfortable as it his,she has a responsibility too.it was an consensual relationship

what is important is to for MO to know her own triggers and what attracted her to him in 1st place to avoid replicating the same pattern.

MO looks are irrespective.otherwise suppose her ex was good looking and toned would that excuse his actions?If MO were considered unattractive would that make her more deserving

this isn't about physical appearance it is about power and control and what attraction that held.

MmeOvary - I am over near Glasgow but can travel, if you ever fancy meeting up.

Scottishmummy - I have such a sad relationship history its unbelievable.
The man before this one WAS good looking and toned, but hopelessly wrong for me.

THIS one presented himself as the opposite - caring, family oriented, responsible, dependable...I could go on. And there were several red flags when I look back.

If he werent abusive it would be easier to move on as friends. But you cant be friends with an abuser. They will always treat with suspicision and quit often contempt, so you cant trust their motives.

And these pictures are very unflattering, I could post a few that would make you see EXACTLY what the attraction is. He is, in charm mode, quite gorgeous.
But those pictures were taken just a couple of weeks after I found out and it was all very raw.
I'll be deleting them now, tho.

StayingSunny - always nice to meet other MNers! Esp good as I dont have to explain my situation.

what important is raising your daughter,not replicating past mistakes and not dwelling upon what happened.learn from it but no need to get stuck.

it is cathartic to have a good ole yell and think what a bastard he was.but he isn't your problem any more.

and no i wouldn't attempt friendship with a bully because it wont be equitable.suppose you have to be cold but cordial

Actually its weird but I havelost the appetite for mocking him. Not because I think its wrong as such, but because I dont care enough.

Which is good I think.

Counselling is unearthing some interesting things but the things I am happiest about right now is
a) I dont want him back under ANY circumstances.

b) I am happy to be a single parent and dont feel I need a man around.

c) I'd rather be single and working on myself than desperate to be with someone and being treated like crap. Anyway DD is my number one priority.

Thanks everyone, you really helped move me on a bit.