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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to buy dd2 a dummy?

40 replies

belgo · 19/06/2009 15:33

She is desperate for one. Her best friend in nursery school has one. She keeps on asking me to go to the shop and buy her one. She has even asked for one for her birthday - she will be four years old in three months. In fact she has asked for two, one for her and one for her baby brother.

But she has never had a dummy, and her baby brother doesn't have one either. I have never seen the need, and I really don't won't to give her one now because I know she'll want it in her mouth all the time as she has previously done with a dolly's dummy until I chucked it in the bin.

So AIBU? Or am I being cruel and heartless in denying my dd2 the one thing she keeps on asking for?

OP posts:
lucyellensmumisgreat · 19/06/2009 15:36

gawd - i dunno. I would be loathe to give in personally.

Stigaloid · 19/06/2009 15:36

YANBU

jugglingwoman · 19/06/2009 15:37

I wouldn't give in. Tell her they'll give her nasty teeth or buy her one that has a nasty taste

TheCrackFox · 19/06/2009 15:38

YANBU. She is too old to be starting with a dummy.

Perhaps you could get a baby doll with a toy dummy? (grasping at straws)

Original poster
belgo · 19/06/2009 15:39

Do they make nasty tasting dummies?

OP posts:
Original poster
belgo · 19/06/2009 15:39

TheCrackFox- she used to have a dolly with a dummy but she just sucked on the toy dummy all the time.

OP posts:
monkeyfeathers · 19/06/2009 15:41

YANBU. I'd imagine most people would be trying to take dummies off their kids at this stage.

On dummies more generally, my DS (now 9) never had one, but he sucked his thumb. We're still working on completely eradicating this (and looking forward to the host of dental problems it'll have created). We did actually buy him a dummy at one point, when he was about 7 or 8, mostly to embarrass him any time we saw him with his thumb in his mouth. He utterly refused to use it, obviously. I'm inclined to give the baby I'm expecting in August a dummy, especially if he starts sucking his thumb. I'm not an enormous fan of them, but you can take a dummy away eventually (unlike a thumb).

Asana · 19/06/2009 15:41

YANBU. I wouldn't buy her one either. I would liken it to buying a toilet-trained child nappies to wear simply because their friends wore them.

Think of your refusal as her first lesson on peer pressure/expectations - all because your friend has item X or Y does not mean that you should have one too.

Or you could tell her that not having a dummy means that she's a very grown-up little girl. I can't think of any child who would object to being thought of as all grown up [or am I being way too naive??]

Original poster
belgo · 19/06/2009 15:47

monkey -I've been lucky, none of my children have wanted dummies (until now!) and thet don't suck their thumbs either.

Asana - actually I think that's a good point - she doesn't want to be grown up - she was the baby of the family for three years until her brother came along. She wants to wear his clothes, sit in his chair and she does seem to want to be a baby again. If I tell her she's a big girl now, she says no I'm not, I'm little.

OP posts:
Asana · 19/06/2009 15:57

Aaah, maybe it all stems from that then i.e. wanting to be the baby of the house again

SpaceCowGirl · 19/06/2009 15:58

YANBU. Dummies, no no no.
Distraction needed. I would try to get her interested in something else instead.

One trick that can work with (girly) girls (and boys )for helping them to think growing up is fun/cool is to try something they haven't before like nail varnish or jewellery. Or their own cookery or gardening equipment. Tell her that these are grown up privileges.

Original poster
belgo · 19/06/2009 16:02

all good ideas thank you.

Does no one think I'm being unreasonable? Do we have a consensus of YANBUs? I'm just a little bit disappointed that I didn't need to argue my case anymore

OP posts:
lizziemun · 19/06/2009 16:05

YANBU.

I hate them.

DD1 never had one.

DD2 had one because she screamed alllll day, and it was the only way to have some quite . But by god it bloody difficult to get her to get rid of it.

And DS (12wks) seems to be a thumb sucker or he would be if he could find it .

babyignoramus · 19/06/2009 16:13

This may be a complete no no, but could you buy her a sweetie one to go on her birthday cake? At least them it's a treat that won't hang around for long!

Original poster
belgo · 19/06/2009 16:14

I don't hate dummies. I feel rather sorry for small children who have had a dummy every day of their lives suddenly to have to give it up on some random day decided by the parents.

I just can't bring myself to buy one.

OP posts:
Asana · 19/06/2009 16:32

OK belgo, YABVVVVVVVU!! You should go straight out and buy her dummies in a variety of colours and styles. And no new-fangled orthodontic teats either - get her a nice big fat cherry-teated one. Then go straight home and proceed to decorate it with glitter and stars, and insist it does not leave her mouth till her 18th birthday!

In the meantime, I will be considering a change of career to orthodontics - I could make an absolute mint off your DD

Original poster
belgo · 19/06/2009 16:35

that reminds me, I met an 18 year old girl recently who had a dummy attached to her ruck sack.

OP posts:
Gunnerbean · 19/06/2009 16:38

There is absolutely nothing wrong with babies for dummies and very young children.

However, 4 is too old for a dummy and no child who has never sucked a dummy starts sucking one at age 4. I think it is very odd that your DD should be requesting one. Children wanting to have the same things that their friends do is very commmon but I've never heard of a child coveting a friend's dummy.

Tell her that dummies are for babies and she's a big girl and that no shop keeper would sell a dummy if he/she knew it was for a big girl aged 4 to suck. If she goes and tells her friend that her mum said she was a baby for having a dummy - so be it.

Gunnerbean · 19/06/2009 16:39

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with babies for dummies and very young children."

Should have read:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with dummies for babies and very young children.

stickylittlefingers · 19/06/2009 16:45

I like the first version better Gunnerbean - hilarious!!

ChippingIn · 19/06/2009 18:02

Gunnerbean, I read it the way you intended it -shite proof reader I'd make

and to astound you....

I wanted a dummy when I was the same age and for quite some time after. The little girl next door had one, she was about the same age and I wanted one.... god alone knows why.

I did have a baby brother, but he was my baby and I didn't want to be a baby again, I loved being a 'big' sister and a 'big girl' - but I'd of chopped my arm off for a dummy like my friend.

Neither my brother nor I had one, ever. I was a thumb sucker though, but I didn't want this as a replacement for that, I just thought hers was cool kids

pranma · 19/06/2009 20:05

Tell her if she has a dummy she will have to have a nappy too!
YANBU

LeonieSoSleepy · 20/06/2009 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LisaD1 · 20/06/2009 10:58

I think dummies have their place BUT not in the mouth of a 4 year old!

Both my DD's had dummies, my eldest was given one in hospital, she was 7 weeks prem and very unhappy about being here too soon and drove the nursing staff mad! So she had a dummy before I even got to see her , my youngest also had a dummy as she was a very suckly baby and if I hadn't given her a dummy she would have been permanently attached to my breast! Both girls gave their dummy's to the tooth fairy the night before their 1st birthdays and never had one after.

YANBU- there is NO WAY I would give in to a 4 year old's request for a dummy.

katiestar · 20/06/2009 13:52

Dummies are for chavs !