To refuse to buy dd2 a dummy?

[belgo]

She is desperate for one. Her best friend in nursery school has one. She keeps on asking me to go to the shop and buy her one. She has even asked for one for her birthday - she will be four years old in three months. In fact she has asked for two, one for her and one for her baby brother.

But she has never had a dummy, and her baby brother doesn't have one either. I have never seen the need, and I really don't won't to give her one now because I know she'll want it in her mouth all the time as she has previously done with a dolly's dummy until I chucked it in the bin.

So AIBU? Or am I being cruel and heartless in denying my dd2 the one thing she keeps on asking for?

Oooohh KatieStar!! Don't let them hear you use the word "chav" around here - I take it it's not considered a "nice" word to use and is very un-PC due to judgemental, negative conotations. I once used it inadvertanatly and was almost banished from the site!!

Ooooo-eeeer.

Chippinin - how did you feel towards your parents when you weren't allowed a dummy?

Dd2 does treat her baby brother as her own baby, or rather living dolly, and he hates it! She is very mothering.

My three-year-old would LOVE a dummy. She is fascinated by them. She uses all sorts of dummy substitutes (wanders around with a duplo man in her mouth saying "look I'm a baby with a dummy" ). If she plays babies, the first thing she needs is a dummy. I too ended up throwing away her baby doll's dummy, because it got so revolting and chewed.

She has never had one and doesn't know anyone who has one. I mean, she's obviously seen babies and children with dummies, but I have no idea why it is such an important thing for her. She's never had a friend with a dummy. Anyway, she is a ferocious thumb sucker.

She is coming around to the idea that I'm never going to get her one, and so half heartedly campaigns for her baby brother (14 months) to have one instead.

In conclusion, YANBU. Or at least, if YABU then IABU too.

No! My son wanted one, too, because his friend had one. It was an absolute no from me!

I think it is an age thing.

Dd (4yrs) never had a dummy and has recently become fascinated by them. She often puts her doll's one in her mouth and loves making her baby annabelle burp with hers

Her best pal who is the same age, even found one in the park and insisted on taking it home.

I wouldn't buy her one but I'm sure, if you did, she would quickly lose inerest.

I agree with saying that the shops are not allowed to sell them for 4yr olds to use.

thank you all for the support, and I'm glad it's not just my dd2. She also loves plasters, and today I bought her a packet of princess plasters and she has now stuck half the packet on herself, and the other half on various dollies.

belgo - sorry, I wasn't ignoring you, I haven't been on-line (and should be doing stuff other than MN now - but it's addictive!!).

'How did I feel towards my parents' - Hurt is the about the only way I can describe it really. Even thinking about how I felt then, I can still 'feel' the hurt in my chest and can feel how I felt when I was sat at the top of her slide crying, for crying so I would get one (that never worked for me!) but crying because I so, so, so wanted one 'inside'. (God haven't thought about it this deeply in years! Not how it felt). It was a really 'heartfelt wanting' - it wasn't at all like wanting a new doll or colouring pencils etc.

I was a lucky child, in that I had loving parents, grandparents, extended family and loved my baby brother - I didn't want for much in the way of material things either (don't get me wrong, just typical 70's upbringing and certainly not 'posh' or 'spolit'!! LOL) and my parents were firm and loving, not at all hard.

I can totally understand my Mums point of view, but I still don't think she understands how I felt at the time - to her, it was the same as wanting a new doll or whatever....

I am quite quick with getting them through the various 'baby' stages as I hate toddlers doing baby stuff (tying not to be too specific and offend anyone!) so would likely tell mine no, to something they feel the same way about... not sure how I feel about that, having been made to think about this more deeply than I ever have before in my adult life....

oh no ChippinIn that really wasn't the answer I was hoping for

She's still not getting a dummy [evil]

belgo - I know it wasn't I nearly deleted in, but you did ask...

Those feelings were strong at the time (and very weirdly, even now when pushed to think about it), but even at the time, it was only every now and then not an 'all day, everyday' thing and I haven't thought about the 'feelings' in years. I have passed comment over the years that I wanted one as well when I was a big girl and kind of laughed/given a wry smile and never thought or suggested people should let them have it (Shudder. Funnily enough, I actually hate dummies for anything but tiny babies).

If I was in your situation before I thought/wrote about it, I wouldn't have let her have it, now I'm not 100% sure - might let her have it for bed time and hope like hell that as soon as she has it she doesn't want it or that we can 'swap it out' for a big girl present... but really, would that be listening to her, or indulging me? Probably indulging me

Anyway, don't give it to her... she'll get over it and wont hold it against you x

Oh dear ChippinIn this thread seems to have unearthed a childhood trauma for you!

She hasn't mentioned the dummy for a couple for days, but then she's been off school and hasn't seen her friend with the dummy.

I loathe dummies and definitely wouldn't get her one - YANBU.

My only thought is whether if you did just get her one it would be a passing fad and she would forget all about it a couple of days later ... but perhaps that way is a slippery road and you should just stand firm!

Don't do it! DD1 was a thumbsucker, she has perfect teeth. DD2 had one until we took it off her at 2.5 on the dentist's advice, she has slightly protruding upper teeth and a lisp . No way should you give it to a 4 year old who's never had one anyway.

Right, I only have a 2yo DS (although am the eldest of 4 kids) so I may not know what I am talking about but...

Why not try to make being a big girl seem like a more preferable option for her?

Is there anything that she's wanted to do that she's previously been too little for that she might like now? Even something as silly as having a little bit of nail varnish at weekends, or some pretty beads to wear?

Maybe offer her this cause she is a "big girl" now and get her all excited about it - maybe then telling her that only babies have dummies will be less appealing because she will have seen the advantages to being a big girl instead?

She might even talk her friend out of her own dummy if she thinks being a big girl is more fun...

I'd tell your daughter that girls who have dummies can't have a dolly/teddy/blanket or whatever her absosolutely favourite comforter or toy is. Maybe the thought of giving something up will put her off.
I had a very sucky DD who is now a very head strong 2 1/2 year old with a dummy I can't get rid of. I wish I'd never never tried the dummy so DON'T GIVE IN! This thread has given me the urge I need to rid ourselves of the dummy!

None of my 3 had dummies and none sucked their thumb. I, however, had dummies until I started school lol.