Mums with more than 3dc's - why does is seem socially unacceptable to have more than 3?

[igglepigglegotobed]

When I was pregnant with my 3rd I got comments like "oh your going to be busy". Now the fourth is on it's way I cant tell you how many people have asked me if I know what contraception is. I have even been asked if they share the same dad!

In my area in particular it seems people get the "vicky pollard" impression of anyone who has a number of children.

Would it be unreasonable to start wearing my hair in a high ponytail? What do MN's think?

Yeah or but no

Interesting thread. I have 2 dds - 3 and 4 and DH would love more (comes from a big family) but it is me that is not too keen.

I have four (and hope to be adding to that soon!) and i often get the 'i don't know how you do it, i couldn't' etc etc

Or i get asked if i was trying for a boy - ( I wasn't, was just chance that i had 3 DDs and ds came along as number 4)

I sometimes get asked things about how i coped when i 4 under 5s at home etc etc but not so much anymore as all are in school

I have 3. I did think that no 3 (13 weeks was the last).... but I think I might have 1 more if DH agrees.

I actually don't think it is socially unacceptable to have more than 3. I think people are usually making conversation when they say things like you have your hands full, did you want a boy etc and depending on which way the wind is blowing I might be a bit miffed .

I have been asked was no3 planned, I do think that is just rude.

I am glad I (we) want a biggish family as I don't like being the same. i am proud of my 3 daughters.

Ahem ST producing prioductive indivisduals isn't the be all and end all thank you, my nonp[roductive ds3 is just as valuable IMVHO>>

Anyway yes we will be producing potentially more carbon but that's only an aspect of it: there also will (should be anyway) three taxes to compenate for ds3's lifelong care or two if ds1 needs support; tahat'lls ave amsses. lpus if we meet armageddon our genes have a bigger chance of surviving which is, I believe the ultimate aim of exiostence?

There's downsides to everything and maybe carbon emissions is that to our family but we'll never go on a plane 9and neiter will ds3 as an adult), we used washables for two of them etc etc- we have lives to live and we cant always base thata round morality at every stage; sometimes we have to make decisions for ourselves.

So acnowledging that...

I love my big family and would ahate it any other way

Having productive children takes away any notion of doubt.

If you have a child who is not capable of being productive, that is different.

If you are one benefits and keep shagging, that is different again.

Ah that I agree with

Course we're on benefits now but weren't at the time ds4 was born or conceived, and redundancy wasn't predictable (I still feel bad though!).

Luckily DH has PT self employed work so better to try than not etc.

(DS3 will be non productive becuase he is asd with an attention span for non PC game related things of approx 30 seconds, not lazy just.... *can't^)

Big families brilliant. I am one of 5 and I'd like at least 4 of my own - not sure if this will happen for us (time! money! career! gah...) but I hope so.

Also, not to be depressing, but one of the reasons it's important to me is because my oldest brother died when I was a teenager. Was horrible but would have been much much worse (for my parents) if he had been an only child or if he had been one of 2.

We confuse people because we have a set of 4 aged 17 to 23, then a 2 year old. People who don't know us assume she's an only and ask if we'll be having any more (I'm 46 so I doubt it ). If we mention our older children they think we are talking about primary school and are shocked to find we are talking 6th form/ uni/ work.

Used to get the "hands full" comments all the time, and because we had girl then boy we had all the "you don't need another one" comments, especially from my parents who thought people ought only to have 2

I just like shagging

Oddly here (Kosova) they seem to think I'm odd to just have one (others are at home) at my age and almost look relieved when I say I have three more back in the UK

I think big familys are brilliant. There were 12 in my dad's and ten in my mum's and family gatherings were always great fun. My parents decided on just two themselves though, me and my brother. I have two already and will definitely go again in the future.The way i see it is if you come from a big family, there will always be someone there for you(hopefully).
p.s. yes am irish! Are big familys not as usual in uk?

I have 4 and would like to try again if my raddled old ovaries can manage it.

It seems that if you are upper middle class you are seen as superwoman if you have a large family but if you are working class you are feckless and too stupid to stop yourself.

Not all working class families survive soley on benefits .

As for the carbon footprint argument - i have never flown long haul and am very unlikely to do so, I didnt drive till I was 36 and run a small household. So I reckon I balance out my reckless procreation .

My OH is the youngest of 12 so he is not keen on big families. I wouldnt have 12 but wouldve liked 6. I suppose there is a vague chance I will have twins so you never know

Actually I love the reproducing like rabbites thing

I'm 35, based on the younger ones I could have managed 1 a year (my Nan managed 16, and my Grandad on the oher side was youngest of 11- that's some fertility inheritance!0..... therefore if I had no knowledge of contraception or reproduced randomly (as I have been jokingly accused by an Aunt) I reckon i'd have at least 14 allowing for a few breaks

Also, unlike trabbits I don't produce several litters of multiples a year then watch several be eateb by foxes. Well, not yet anyway.

I agree that lots of children is a status symbol for the affluent. Here in central Paris there are lots of families of four: it is a bourgeois mark of belonging. But families here are not as concerned with children having their own bedroom or indeed parents spending a lot of time with individual children as they are in the UK, so it is easier to have more here. And there are massive tax breaks for large families.

yes the bedroom thing is odd- on the alrger parents thread we were looking at triple bunks the other day, whereas on the main board you often get concerns about 1 child 1 room.

here, it's going to have to be 3 chidlren in a room as ds4 will need a room alone for a bit whilst he is a tiny (plus the boxroom is tiny and the second bedroom huge)- I see no problems with that. Technically ds1 is supposed to have a room alone but he drags the others into it as he has a fear of the dark anyway so pointless exercise.

As mentioned on MN before, an old lady offered me her condolences that DS3 was another boy when I was out with my most-beautiful-baby-in-the-world proud as punch .
Apparently I too, keep having more babies as I am trying for girl. I happen to not be v bothered about the gender of my children as I am v lucky they are all healthy (I am a geriatric mum and have a known genetic problem) and was more worried with each subsequent pregnancy what the outcome would be in terms of health (and had 4 MCs).
I have worried about the whole carbonfootpring/resources/overpopulation thing and have to admit, selfish "need" for a larger family overrides any rational thought on the subject .
BTW, my boys love sharing a bedroom and are doing it out of choice - and I am loving having a geniune spare guest room .

We also have a genetic problem, which has developed to an extent in 3 / 4 of the bys (ds2 probable dyspraxia- well we know he is bit not DX as yet officially)

When people mention the gender of the boys I am far more concerned by that genetic fault than wheteehr ds4 is a boy!!!!!!! Another planet entirely for me.

I ahev ahd a few people say its nice to ahve 4 boys altely, one yesterday, and I quite agree. It's nice to have my children, full stop

I quite like the idea of a big family but I do struggle with the over-population/carbon footprint thing. The problem is even if you don't fly, use reusable nappies etc, if you live in a Western culture you use more carbon than is sustainable - in China for instance the average person uses 1/4 of a person in the UK's carbon. (Bad example as China has the 1 child policy but you get what I mean...) And the argument that if you have lots of kids then they're more likely to survive the apocalypse doesn't really stack up, unless you hedge your bets and send them all off to different corners of the globe... and I'd rather not plan my family based on 'oh well if I have loads I can afford to lose a few to natural disasters!'

Better representation of how carbon consumption varies by country here (It's where the info on how UK consumption compares with elsewhere is described in more detail.)

Sorry - wrong graph, should have been this one

There are quite a few large families where I live (I have four dcs and am considered relatively normal), but houses here are relatively reasonably priced. Our empty (well, full of boxes) bedroom felt a bit inviting, so we went for DC4. I think that when space isn't at a premium people may be more inclined to breed.

You can't win though, I overheard a woman yesterday telling her daughter that only children are always "really spiteful and selfish"!!

I've had four boys, three survivors - would dearly love another. Each of my boys is unique, I feel incredibly lucky to have them. So if any of you are out with your larger families and you see someone staring, it could just be me - being incredibly jealous of you!!

I absolutely love big families and always just think how lovely when meet any (and DH was one of 9) and think it's so good for the children usually too. However just on a very personal level we're probably hoping to have 2 as we too wonder about the world population- going from 2 billion to 6.1 or whatever it has in the last 50 years- it's a pyramid as for example having 4 children if they then each have their own families it all multiplies. This isn't something I worry about much but as news reports keep seeming to indicate the planet is showing the strain. I still honestly think lovely to bring up a larger family too but really good when families choose to do this in a context of respecting the environment/ not giving in to consumerism which would go for any family whatever the size. We find this difficult as constantly seem to be flying to see grandparents etc.
I'm going to hide again as think I sound like an overzealous idiot

You know- its a bit pointless lecturing people whoa lready HAVE a big family on the impact

Try it in chat maybe under a different ehader, but I suspect you're even more imposed to me cul;ling one of my boys than their carbon footprint, so.....