Mums with more than 3dc's - why does is seem socially unacceptable to have more than 3?

[igglepigglegotobed]

When I was pregnant with my 3rd I got comments like "oh your going to be busy". Now the fourth is on it's way I cant tell you how many people have asked me if I know what contraception is. I have even been asked if they share the same dad!

In my area in particular it seems people get the "vicky pollard" impression of anyone who has a number of children.

Would it be unreasonable to start wearing my hair in a high ponytail? What do MN's think?

Yeah or but no

I have 4 and love it though do get the eyebrow when they see my youngest ds3 age 3 and dd6 then say oh you got 2 and i say nope 4 ds15 and ds 12 at home

But if you don't have childcare expenses an extra child really doesn't cost that much.Holidays abroad are more expensive ,christmas and birthdays too, but that's spread across the year.Another set of afterschool activities/music lessons Even a teen doesn't really increase the weekly shop that much.
I guess the expensive time will be when they go off to uni and have weddings.

Population control. If we all bred like rabbits the world would be concreted over.

2rebecca, quite an offensive remark i feel

This thread has made me laugh. I hate it too. I have no wish to discuss how full my hands are with a stranger on the street whether it be an old lady making conversation or anyone else.

I remember my neighbour when finding out I was expecting my 5th child, making a purposeful visit over to see me to ask if this one would be my last because 'this isn't really the type of area where people have that many children' WTF???!!!

I haven't really noticed attempts to guilt me out for having five children. Yes, people make comments about how do I manage etc, but they are being kind.

I suppose our carbon footprint as a family is quite big, but I haven't come across anyone outside of Mumsnet with strong views on this. We live a very modest lifestyle and aren't big consumers (there isn't any money left after paying all the school fees).

We are not a drain on society. The only handout we get that is related to the size of the family is Child Benefit, but believe me, this is a tiny drop in the ocean compared to our taxes (plus what we save the state by not taking up state school places).

I am confident that all my children will become contributing members of society, so I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Think the overpopulation thing is an issue. There really does seem to be too many people on the planet already. I have 2 and would love a third but am currently agonising as to whether to go for it or not and finding the decision hard. Not meaning to get at people with big families but did any of you struggle with this too?

Out of the blue have heard from our old neighbours at university who had 5 boys under 7 (nos 4 and 5 were in hope of a girl) and they were just the nicest family. They used to get some terrible comments despite the fact that they managed on the Dad's uni wage and both parents had doctorates. The eldest boy now a doctor, training to be a plastic surgeon, the 2nd is completing his MBA in Paris having graduated Cambridge, the 3rd is studying economics at uni, the 4th is at Cambridge and the 5th is sitting his Alevels/hoping to go to Cambridge.

Lol, Lockets!

I often think that larger families sometimes have a lower carbon footprint because we're trying to save money here and there, perhaps by using washable nappies and the likes and just don't have the means to be jetting all over the world like some with 1 or 2 children.

But is that the point Ceolas? Your childhood is a relatively short period in your whole lifespan. Surely the issue is that instead of having created 2 people who will require heat/light/travel/homes for the next possibly 90 odd years, you have created 4 or more? A few shared toys and washable nappies doesn't really compensate. I was trying to make myself feel better about it by thinking that way (mooncup/reusuables etc) but don't think it really pans out.

brazenhussy - at your neighbour! I can hardly believe it! What an awful comment! As though there were special areas for larger families - did she think we should all be stuck in a ghetto or something?

I have 4 children and have never noticed it is socially unacceptable.

Kerala - perhaps one of those 4 will be the one to discover a revolutionary new means of travel that uses vastly less energy.

Or perhaps these issues will be irrelevant in the future as colonies on Mars will relieve the pressure on the earth's resources!

My point is, there's no way to tell what impact your children might have in the future, but even so, there are large numbers of people who have just 1 child or no children at all - a few families with 4 children are hardly going to double the population.

I have 2 ds's 3 and 20 months and tbh I find them a massive handfull. So when I get talking to mums with more I often say something about them having their hands full / being busy.

It is not because I think of them as Vicky Pollard types, think they are having children as a status symbol, should curb the population explosion, are clearly trying for a different sex to what they have already or any of the other negative conotations of large families discussed in this thread.

It is simply because I am in total awe that they are managing as it is all I can do to look after my 2 who are lovely good little boys. I am also trying to be friendly!

Can understand though that if you get it all the time it is a bit irritating - I have lost count of the number of people who ask when we're going to try for a girl ('er - we're not, we are very happy with our 2 gorgeous boys, you can't put in an order, and we don't want more than 2 anyway!') but try to remember that people are just trying to be friendly and not nosy / intrusive / etc

Riven - why did your MIL have any dc, then? I assume she must have at least 1 - your dh.

I'm still wondering why children are anti-feminist. Surely the point of a womb is to carry children and breasts are there, biologically speaking, to feed them. I would have thought having a child is the height of feminism!

patronising snooty comments I've had said to me

'you've got yr hands full'

'Is this your LAST one?'

'How can you cope with that screaming'

'I can see you've been busy'

'You've put on a stone with each one'

'How do you manage?'

'I bet your older one is a babysitter'

'I would've liked more, but by husband didnt'

'You're mad'

'Do you regret having them?'

'WHAAAT another one?'

'You're good'

'I would've asked you to come but you've got the little ones'

'Quality not quantity'

'You're on lock down'

'I'm not happy...why have you got another child'

"'I would've liked more, but by husband didnt'"

Why is that a 'patronising, snooty comment' ?

Sounds to me like the person saying is wistful and perhaps a lille envious (not in a malicious way) of your larger than average family.

I have said 'I would have liked more but my husband didn't'. What is patronising about that? I really wanted four children but after trying for a few months for the fourth, he decided he had changed his mind and persuaded me to let him have the snip.
Why is it patronising to say so?