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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fecked off with the supermarket checkout woman

150 replies

Remotew · 17/06/2009 21:36

We were in a well known supermarket. I bought the weekly shop and DD (15) was trying to buy 2 DVD's on her own cash card one was a cert 15. DD was 15 a month ago so was excited to be buying a 15 DVD with her own cash card but the check out woman asked her for ID!!!

At 15 she hasn't thought about getting ID. I was packing my shopping, £40 worth I should add, and minding my own business then saw DD produce a European Health Ins card with her name and dob on it but this flipping woman (she was an aussie juding by her accent) said she needed photo ID. I then intervened and said I was her mum she is 15 and this is ridiculous. I will pay for the DVD and she tried to tell me she was breaking the law by selling it to me.

She did let me buy it on my card, if not I would have kicked up a stink and she knew it. AIBU to be fecked off. The shape of things to come!! This should be stopped now.

OP posts:

Morloth · 18/06/2009 18:28

Yeah, cause Australians are such sticklers for rules we are also known for our difficult personalties .

But if the rules are the rules then it isn't her you should be cross with, perhaps you should be having a look at how you go about getting laws changed.

I wish someone would ask me for ID, who knew all those years ago sneaking into clubs it would be something I missed!

Nahui · 18/06/2009 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 18/06/2009 18:48

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Original poster

Remotew · 18/06/2009 18:55

Exactly, it's not illegal for a parent to buy alcohol, take it home and let a minor drink it, which is why he brought his dad. They were taking it home to share.

The Austrailian mention was because at first I thought she may have been South African, where it's normal to be stopped in the street and ID'd. When I recognised her accent it crossed my mind that it might be compulsory in Austrialia to carry ID. It wasn't when I was there but that was 17 yrs ago. I've nothing against them personally, nearly married one but that's a different story. .

To sum up most of you have said IABU, fair enough. Will take that on board and make sure DD get's her ID soon. If she doesn't then life is going to be very difficult to legally buy age related products in future.

Thanks to the lovely posters that understood how I felt.

OP posts:

herbietea · 18/06/2009 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Remotew · 18/06/2009 19:07

Stewie, It was a few years ago and the lad was 18. We weren't told then we would have to pay a fine out of our own pockets. Things must have changed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Remotew · 18/06/2009 19:10

Herbie, I realise this now its compulsory a necessity.

Thanks to everyone for your input.

OP posts:

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 18/06/2009 20:41

?What has changed is people paranoia level and sense of bloody entitlement.?

LOL, it?s hilarious that you use the word paranoia about people who are uncomfortable about the culture of ID cards creeping in by the back door, but you don?t notice the paranoia of shop assistants asking grannies to prove their age.

Also no-one reasonable expects shop assistants to risk prosecution. That?s not what we?re complaining about. I don?t blame them one iota for covering their arses, I would do the same. I'm complaining about the culture of paranoia and reliance on bits of paper to the exclusion of common sense, which has led to this sad state of affairs. There?s a difference.

SoupDragon · 18/06/2009 20:48

"Soupdragon, she is already 15 and I wasn't pretending to be her mum."

You've spectacularly missed the point. Again. There were several possible scenarios and not all of them involved you being her mother and her being over 15.

"It would have defeated the object if we had been mystery shoppers because DD wasn't trying to break the law. "

Again, you've missed the point which is that you could have been mystery shoppers checking whether they would sell an age restricted item to an underage child. Clearly your DD looked underage to the cashier and she is therefore legally required to have photo ID to sell the product to her.

In my memory, it has always been the case that you were required to prove your age if challenged in, say, a pub. Of course, driving licenses weren't photo ones then but I do remember the introduction of a "prove it" card which you could apply for in order to prove your age if challenged. Far more things are age restricted now though.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/06/2009 20:51

You're right I was annoyed. But I didn't kick up a stink as I guess thats the risk I run not having any ID. But was very suprised at my age to be asked, but flattering I suppose. I know its her money on the line and she can't afford a fine. I could live to the next day without a bottle of wine, it wasn't the end of the world.

squirrel42 · 18/06/2009 21:03

Kudos to those who have stuck through this entire thread, I've just read it all and feel like banging my head against a brick wall!

Abouteve - I'm not sure from your posts today whether you appreciate yet that the checkout operator was not "questioning your integrity" by refusing to take your word for it that your daughter is 15. If all till staff were allowed to just take people at their word then what would be the point of putting age restrictions on anything! The sort of kids and young teenagers who want to buy 18-rated DVDs and booze will very probably be happy to lie or get someone to lie for them. Producing photocard ID is not perfect but it's a bit of a higher fence to jump over.

As a side note I worked in a supermarket on a checkout when I was 16 and had to shout "alcohol" at a supervisor whenever I sold it since I wasn't legally allowed to sell it "unsupervised"... like shouting over my shoulder in the direction of the supervisor achieved anything!

lilacpink · 18/06/2009 21:25

Hey stripeyknickers, I've been in a similar situation to you and glad to know I'm not the only one!
At 31 I was asked at a checkout if I was older than 17 (I was buying kitchen scissors!!). I stood dumbfounded for a few minutes, and then when I pulled out my driving licence card, she said "well you haven't changed much".
I didn't know whether to be happy and accept a compliment or fed-up as I was buying scissors FGS .
I was wearing my wedding ring and my daughter (who was calling my 'Mummy' obviously) was clearly 3yrs plus as we were having a conversation. If she thought I was 17 or less, what age did I get preg with my DD!!
My other item was a vegetable steamer BTW.
I thought that perhaps I looked like the type of person to go around attacking people with scissors , but then reasoned that perhaps 'laws' have tightened up and I couldn't take it personally.

goldrock · 18/06/2009 21:52

Having ploughed through all of this I feel I must add a comment. Without repeating what everyone else had said I don't understand your outrage at the cashier not believing you were your DDs mother - without taking a DNA test how could she possibly believe you. I think you're taking this way too personally, possible rudeness of the cashier aside, she knows nothing about you or your DD so how can she possibly be casting any kind of negative apsertions about you.

kiddiz · 18/06/2009 22:45

I used to hate asking for id. I was once very harshly verbally abused and physically threatened by a man whose girlfriend I'd asked for id. You may well be a excellent parent with a wonderful daughter but from my very long experience not all parents are. I've had mothers and fathers trying to buy cigarettes and alcohol for their underage children...it does happen. I once sold cigarettes to a woman who then promptly handed them to her son. He looked about 12 and it hadn't even occured to me that she was buying them for him.
If all parents had your integrity (ignorng the fact that your daughter did indeed break the law when she saw the film in the cinema aged 14) then accompanied minors would have no need to prove their age. If all parents and adults could be relied on to do the right thing by children then my job would have been alot easier. But sadly this is not the case and surely you must realise this.

Quattrocento · 18/06/2009 22:48

The shop assistant was behaving reasonably. Why make such a fuss about it? That's the real question IMO. Are you feeling very stressed right now?

tory79 · 18/06/2009 23:35

Good grief!

In a previous life I had to id people on a regular basis - simply not worth the consequences not to.

In my time I must have caught so many parents lying about their childrens age - it was quite frankly unbelievable. Although I have to say I did always enjoy the moment when I asked the parents present to confirm their 'actual' date of birth, not just their age, to have them stare at me blankly - they hadn't thought that far ahead and just assumed their word would be enough, or that it didn't matter how old the child was if there was an adult present.

The fact that you are her mother (which is not something that can ever just be assumed) does not automatically mean that you will tell the truth about her age.

Original poster

Remotew · 19/06/2009 10:22

By Tory 79

"In my time I must have caught so many parents lying about their childrens age - it was quite frankly unbelievable. Although I have to say I did always enjoy the moment when I asked the parents present to confirm their 'actual' date of birth, not just their age, to have them stare at me blankly - they hadn't thought that far ahead and just assumed their word would be enough, or that it didn't matter how old the child was if there was an adult present."

Just out of interest, in the situtations above, if the parent knew their child's dob and they were old enough, would you have still not sold the goods to said child?

This was the first time DD had actually, ever bought an age restricted product. I'm sure she chose it because she thought she was old enought to buy it. She was quite excited that she could. IYSWIM. She even mentioned it as we were approaching the check out. I wasn't taking much notice until the shop assistant started on her.

I don't think I'm stressed atm, but thank you to the poster that pointed that out.

I still think it's a sad sign of the times that this paranoia exists that parents are happy to lie for their children.

Damn I wasn't going to post on this again.

OP posts:

charitygirl · 19/06/2009 10:28

OP, you said this:

Someone has a bad day, you go to buy a bottle of wine and they can ID you, which for now is not compulsary to carry. Hey I'm no tory but I do agree with their stance on this. Please no police state in the UK.

I'm sure someone has picked you up on this by now but just in case - any salesperson is perfectly entitled to ask you for ID when you attempt to purchase alcohol, and if you can't provide it, they can reguse the sale. Even if you look as old as Father Time.

Nothing to do with ID cards! It's about the sale of age-restricted items. So stop panicking about 'police stares'!

charitygirl · 19/06/2009 10:29

um 'police STATES'

Original poster

Remotew · 19/06/2009 12:14

It was our first time though so we are novices at this. We didn't realise how things were. I now know by starting this thread that she need to carry an ID card in future. Whether she likes it or not.

I don't think I was totally unreasonable to feel annoyed and shown up. Ignorant to the system maybe.

OP posts:

charitygirl · 19/06/2009 14:26

'whether she likes it or not'

For heaven's sake woman! She doesn't have to carry ID to avoid being sent to a gulag. She only has to carry it to prove she is old enough to buy certain items. OR young enough to get certain benefits - like free travel on the buses in London.

I'm actually against 'ID cards' as proposed by the government, but they are a completely separate issue.

tory79 · 19/06/2009 20:16

^By abouteve on Fri 19-Jun-09 10:22:17 By Tory 79

Just out of interest, in the situtations above, if the parent knew their child's dob and they were old enough, would you have still not sold the goods to said child?^

Not if I really felt they were underage. Anything with an age restriction by its very nature implies that you need to be able to PROVE that you are old enough.

Original poster

Remotew · 19/06/2009 21:41

Thanks for clarifying Tory.

We mustn't look as innocent as we think we do.

OP posts:

sheepgomeep · 19/06/2009 22:21

I work as a checkout operator in a well known supermarket.

Abouteve the checkout operator was DOING HER JOB.

If she had sold an age restricted product to someone underage and that person happened to be working with the polices etc then that checkout person would be arrested on the spot, possibly sacked from thier job, fined £1000, the store would face penalties too and could also lose thier licence.

The law isn't just there to protect our children, its also there to protect the shop staff who serve you.

I personally err on the side of caution and ask for ID for everyone who looks under the age 25 unless I know the person who is buying the age restricted product.

Its not worth the risk, a friend of mine got sacked for selling booze to a 15 year old...

DaniellaC · 23/06/2009 14:03

I think you are being unreasonable. I'm 17 and regularly get asked for I.D for 15 films or lottery tickets. They're only doing it because it's their jobs at risk. I've been carrying I.D since my 15th birthday and think all teenagers should.

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