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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sitting here almost crying because..

30 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 12:01

Ok dp and ds1 went fishing yesterday, today we were meant to be going with ds2. I woke up at 6.15 with a migraine and mentioned this to dp. He said well take a book if you don't want to fish today. to which i replied i do i just need a while for this blasted headache to clear up. Anyway he takes ds1 to school and comes back ds2 and I are sitting here waiting to go and dp loads the car up putting his sat box on the seat where ds2's car seat goes.
So i said where is DS2 going to sit?

cue a row so he goes off fishing leaving me here telling me he is going again tomorrow and any other time he wants. I tell him I need him to be more hands on when he is at home.
We end up rowing via text message and phone.

I am so fcuking angry...I know he works but i am home with ds2 all day every day and just wanted some time out of this poxy flat with another adult.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 15/06/2009 12:03

YANBU

belgo · 15/06/2009 12:05

I'm confused, has he gone on his own? Did he not even take ds2?

SoupDragon · 15/06/2009 12:06

YANBU but if you really said "where is DS2 going to sit?" it does sound confrontational/critical.

mummypig · 15/06/2009 12:06

no YANBU and I really feel for you .

It sounds like the fishing, and getting out of the flat, was really important for you and he just didn't understand. My dp can be like that sometimes and I end up crying and shouting at him and then he just puts it down to me being tired and emotional, rather than understanding what he has done (or not done) to make me feel like that.

Sorry no positive advice but wanted you to know I understood.

helsbels4 · 15/06/2009 12:08

Asking where ds2 is going to sit isn't confrontational or critical! If a box is sitting where ds2 would normally then it's a perfectly reasonable, obvious question I would have thought?

helsbels4 · 15/06/2009 12:11

Btw, no yadnbu but your dh is being very selfish. He's gone fishing because he wanted to. Doesn't matter what you wanted or needed. I'd have rowed with him too if I were you.

It can get overwhelming being stuck at home with young children sometimes. Have a chill-out day with ds and do nothing but cuddle up on the sofa watching rubbish ds' favourite dvd

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 12:29

Soup, ds2 is 20m and in a car seat he put the seatbox on the folded down back seats meaning there was nowhere for ds2 to sit. I asked where he was planning on putting the seat.

Dont get me wrong i love being with ds2 tbh i don't like being away from him but i wanted us to go out. Instead I am indoors with ds2 and dp is fishing and when i called him told me he was to busy to talk at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 12:30

atm i am letting ds2 wreck the remains of dps fishing gear that he didn't take with him ooppss

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 15/06/2009 12:33

oooh good for you. What a plonker. Are there any groups nearby you could go to to get out of the flat at all? i know how hard it cna be cooped up all day. Hope your DH catches nothing but old boots and barnacles!

Mutt · 15/06/2009 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 12:37

I have never taken ds2 to a group as i feel so crap about myself. I hate the way i look and everything tbh. I am sat here in tears and have just asked dp where he is taking me tonight for me to have fun....his answer well i will be home between 5 and 6 and we will go out then, where the hell can you go with 2 ds's not so bad with ds1 who is 10 but ds2 is still a baby.

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 15/06/2009 12:38

YANBU - where did he get the idea that you weren't keen on going?? Was he just looking for a fight ... very passive aggressive behaviour ...

Doodle2u · 15/06/2009 12:43

GET OUT, GET OUT, FOR GOD'S SAKE - GET OUT of that flat.

Pack the baby up and go for a walk or better still, go to a cafe for lunch.

Do NOT sit there, dwelling on this.

He's being an arse. Do it FOR YOURSELF.

You look very nice on your pictures (profile), so shoulders back, tits out and march out of that flat and do summat nice - salvage today.

Stigaloid · 15/06/2009 12:47

Aww Lady you need to work on your self esteem. You look very nice from your pics and am sure mingling with other mums will help your confidence no end. Otherwise do what i do when i need time to myself. I leave DS at home with DH and go to the flicks on my own. (Highly recommend the new Star Trek film by the way and i am in no way a trekkie - just a good movie). Grab some popcorn and have a few hours to yourself escaping from it all.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so blue. best remedy is usally fresh air and exercise

Hassled · 15/06/2009 12:48

Firstly, YANBU. Your DP is being a git.

Secondly - you are a lovely looking woman. I would kill for your hair. And you have such a nice smile. Doodle2U is absolutely right - get yourselves to the park, or go window-shopping, or just anywhere. Just leaving the flat will be progress.

ChippingIn · 15/06/2009 12:51

TLE - YANBU he is being a twat. However, it's possible that after all you two have been through just recently that he's at the end of his emotional ability to cope and just lost it. Possible?? You said yourself you had been giving him a very hard time because of what else was happening, maybe now that is resolves he's just kind of colapsed?

Onto the other important part of your post = you have never taken DS2 to a group because of the way you look. FFS girl, after what you have been through you are going to let 'not feeling like you look amazing' stop you doing stuff - come on! You are made of sterner stuff than that - I know you are. Not that it's really relevant, but you are a lot slimmer & a lot younger than I am and I go to boring delightful toddler groups, soft play etc and most people manage to be perfectly lovely - so there

If you don't start taking that little man and yourself OUT I am comimg up there to kick butt!!

VinegarTits · 15/06/2009 12:55

You need to stop letting your ds wreak your dp fishing gear, thats not going to solve anything is it? might cause another argument though, if thats what you want?

I agree you need to get out of the flat, can you go round to a friends house for coffee and a chat? or take your ds to the park? you shouldnt be relying on your dp to entertain you, ok its nice to spend quality time together as a family, but fishing? sounds like its something your dp likes to do for himself? and i wouldnt say fishing would be fun for a toddler.

SpookyMadMummy · 15/06/2009 12:57

What Doodle said. Where are you maybe a local Mnetter can meet up with you?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 13:02

Vinegar, I have not been fishing since before xmas. mainly because the weather was poo and i wouldn't sit out with ds2. I on the other hand would have sat out if it were just me. DP woke up this morning being an arse because he was tired. I don't rely on him to entertain me. I hardly think wanting to go fishing one day is relying on him.

I had all my hair cut off before xmas for charity fundraising so it doesn't look like that now LOL.

Ok I am going to let ds2 finish tipping eating his yoghurt and then make an effort to get him cleaned up lol trust me no easy feat with this muck magnet and go to the park...or shops.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 13:04

oh and when i say wrecking it i mean he was chucking it over the floor. Nothing could be broken and I stopped him when he got to my pole,reel ,rod and seat box.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 15/06/2009 13:09

Sorry but letting a toddler near fishing gear (sharp hooks and fishing wire) in the first place, is not a good idea imo

ChippingIn · 15/06/2009 13:11

Vinegar - TLE is quite able to look after her own toddler and never said he was playing with sharp hooks and fishing wire. Honestly, do you always have to kick people when they are down?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 13:12

the hooks are in a locked box as is the line. He can't open it and so it is not a danger. He was playing with the ground bait bowl, griddle, keepnet handle, and a disgorger.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 13:20

Chippin, its ok thankyou xx

I forgot to add I also gave him some matches lighter fuel and a couple of carving knives to play with...oh not to mention the chain saw.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2009 17:25

I am back again was much calmer but I text dp and told him to make sure he was back for 5.30 so i could go out at 5.45 he said he would be then at 5 he told ds1 that he was just packing up and would be home about 6-6.15 bang goes my night. so now have the right hump again.

OP posts: