to hate people congratulating me for losing weight?

[HuffwardlyRudge]

I have lost about a stone in a couple of months.

I know people mean to be nice but I am really fed up with everyone telling me how much weight I've lost.

Firstly, I haven't lost THAT much. I was a 14/16 and now I'm a 12/14. Big whoop .

Secondly this is not my greatest achievement. It was not difficult. I just made sure I burned more calories every day than I ate by eating less and exercising more and monitoring as I went along. Yes, it was frustrating or boring sometimes, but not really worthy of the praise I am getting heaped upon me.

Thirdly, it really underlines to me how important how you look is, and I find this depressing. It shouldn't matter. It does matter though and people are squealing with delight now I am slightly more attractive than I was a couple of months ago. Tell me you find that depressing too. Why would they care? They don't have to have sex with me, just talk to me over weak tea and cheap biscuits once a week.

Fourthly it really puts pressure on me not to gain weight again. I now feel that if and when I gain the weight again everyone will be thinking "cor she's a right fat heiffer again now, she must have been main lining donuts."

And finally, I am really really bad at noticing whether or not people have lost or gained weight. I have a strong feeling that half of the women who were telling me how great I looked this morning were expecting me to say it back to them but I have NO idea what they looked like 3 months ago and how they compare today. Everyone looks fine to me. Probably they go up and down in weight but I don't feel comfortable commenting on something personal like that. I don't comment if they have a particularly nasty spot that clears up either, or if their hair is a bit less frizzy this week.

I'm not objecting to a good friends complimenting me that I am looking good.

I do object to the whole world giving me a standing ovation for managing to eat slightly fewer buns this month, as though it is the most interesting thing about me.

AIBU?

Op I completely understand your points and you make them in a witty manner!

Pag, sorry this thread has brought back bad memories for you.

""I thought, "You look well" means "You've got fat". That's always how I've heard it.""

I blardy hope not Beautiful - my cousin said it to me on Saturday, and I've lost a considerable amount of weight!

Huff, I've just caught the end of this thread, and yes, I totally agree with you. The people saying it aren't meaning it to be offensive - some people just dribble out conversation without thinking - but it does suggest that there's a spotlight on your weight and that they were thinking you were somehow failing before. I don't mean 'you' as in just you of course, but whoever they're commenting on. What winds me up is that when women have devoted their lives to producing and bringing up a baby, it is assumed that it's even relevant what they look like. I don't live for me, I live for my child, and my weight is about as relevant as whether I'm wearing trendy jeans (which I'm not)!
...Saying that, I have complimented people on looking slim, and now you've brought it to my attention I might not do it so readily...

YABU! To paraphrase Friends, "Oh, no! I'm receiving compliments for looking good. My purse's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Seriously, as someone who has been fat, thin, fat again, thin again, pregnant, thin again etc etc, I find it very nice when someone compliments me on losing weight. Just take it as it is meant, don't read so much into it.

I went to a family in law members second wedding a few weeks ago. When I went up to some people that I recognised from the 1st wedding (3 yrs ago) they started introducing themselves til I said we had already met.
A few hours and quite a few drinks later on someone commented to me that I was much nicer looking than my partners ex. What ex? I asked. (knowing my partner had never had a serious relationship before) The one that was at the first wedding with him, he said. Oh, thanks I said, but that was me!

Have lost nearly 5 stone in just under a year and am delighted about it and can't understad why you wouldn't be happy when someone doesn't notice. In fact; I would be pissed of if someone noticed and didn't say!!

I should probably quit while I'm ahead but I can't stop picking at this.

Ooosa's point made me think. I have had two very large babies in the last 4 years. I have been pregnant or breastfeeding constantly. Why the hell shouldn't I be a size 16? Why is it desirable for me to look like I spend time in the gym? I don't have time to brush my hair sometimes and the luxury of me-time would be having a poo in private. This is the reality of mothering two small children.

I think the people who suggest I am thinking about it too much are actually not thinking about it enough. As a society there is a lot of pressure to look a way that does not come naturally for most of us.

YANBU. I quite agree, most of all with the third point in your OP.

I've not read the rest of the thread, so sorry if this has already been raised, but why aren't men as quick to comment on each other's weight? Is appearance of less importance to them perhaps? And if so, should we as women try to give weight/appearance a similar amount of airtime?

I agree SleeplessInScotland. I can't understand such a peculiar (to me) attitude.
It has taken a lot of effort to lose it so I would like people to notice!!
I can only think that people were in denial that they were overweight in the first place.

Hmmm - it's an odd thing though, this attitude that being thinner has to be better.

I lost about a stone when I was going through a hard time 5/6 years ago. Close friends said, are you OK, you're looking tired, you're not looking well. Loads of other people said "You look great!" I did not look great. I looked thin, and ill.

Having a BMI under 25 is better.

If you look thin and ill that's just as bad as looking fat and ill, so it depends on what you started off with. The important thing is being healthy and it's easier to get fat instead of thin for most people, so most people would be healthier by losing wheight.

I agree with you, I lost some weight after having LO and the amount of people who said how fantastic it was. Made me feel like I must have been a right bloater before . I'm not hung up on my weight at all, and never really know what to say, will they turn on me if I gain a few pounds?
It does underline that people think we look nicer slimmer that bigger, which I do think is a shame when so many women wage a constant battle with their self-image and the food they eat. Christ what's wrong with having a belly and thighs, that is what we are meant to look like after all.

When I said I looked thin, I mean thin, as in not healthy. I'm not sure thin ought to be a term of approval really. I wasn't overweight to start with, that's the point. I've always been fairly skinny. It just disturbed me that some people's reaction to me looking a bit gaunt was social approval...

I wasn't fat-I was only size 14 in the first place. However I feel much fitter, look much better and have much more energy-I love it when people notice.

yabu

congratulations btw

I have quite variable weight and I hardly need scales, I can tell by the way certain women I know greet me whether I'm having a thin or fat day.

Thin = 'you look great' with a sort of 'checking' look at body (never face)

much thinner than usual = 'oh my GOD you look fantastic, etc etc'

fat= no comment

I don't like it either, it's as if women (it's always women imo who comment) are constantly assessing you on it, like it's the most important thing about you and your greatest, indeed only, achievement is to lose weight. I swear I had more local congratulations on a significant weight loss than on the birth of ds2...