to hate people congratulating me for losing weight?

[HuffwardlyRudge]

I have lost about a stone in a couple of months.

I know people mean to be nice but I am really fed up with everyone telling me how much weight I've lost.

Firstly, I haven't lost THAT much. I was a 14/16 and now I'm a 12/14. Big whoop .

Secondly this is not my greatest achievement. It was not difficult. I just made sure I burned more calories every day than I ate by eating less and exercising more and monitoring as I went along. Yes, it was frustrating or boring sometimes, but not really worthy of the praise I am getting heaped upon me.

Thirdly, it really underlines to me how important how you look is, and I find this depressing. It shouldn't matter. It does matter though and people are squealing with delight now I am slightly more attractive than I was a couple of months ago. Tell me you find that depressing too. Why would they care? They don't have to have sex with me, just talk to me over weak tea and cheap biscuits once a week.

Fourthly it really puts pressure on me not to gain weight again. I now feel that if and when I gain the weight again everyone will be thinking "cor she's a right fat heiffer again now, she must have been main lining donuts."

And finally, I am really really bad at noticing whether or not people have lost or gained weight. I have a strong feeling that half of the women who were telling me how great I looked this morning were expecting me to say it back to them but I have NO idea what they looked like 3 months ago and how they compare today. Everyone looks fine to me. Probably they go up and down in weight but I don't feel comfortable commenting on something personal like that. I don't comment if they have a particularly nasty spot that clears up either, or if their hair is a bit less frizzy this week.

I'm not objecting to a good friends complimenting me that I am looking good.

I do object to the whole world giving me a standing ovation for managing to eat slightly fewer buns this month, as though it is the most interesting thing about me.

AIBU?

I lost almost four stone a couple of years ago, and was thrilled when people noticed and complimented me, it was an added incentive to keep going, and still is to stop me putting it back on.

I'd be mighty pissed off if no one commented although my BIL admitted he didn't dare say anything in case it was because he thought I'd been ill, which was sweet of him.

People asked and still ask how I did it, and I'm happy to tell them. Don't read too much into it, it's a compliment, accept it gracefully and move on!

I know how you feel. I have lost a lot of weight recently... and I have no idea why. I've gone from a BMI of 24ish, which I was happy with, to a BMI below 20 and have compliments all the time. Often from people I hardly know, but also from people very close including my husband.

I accept them graciously, and realise people are being nice,as the OP does, but I also relate to her feelings. I wonder how "bad" people felt I looked at my previous healthy weight and consequently, I feel under pressure to keep it off even though it was lost unintentionally.

My best friends mum had a great response.

If someone said "have you lost weight" she would reply "do I look like I've been ill?"

She was round and plump and proud of it!

Right

When I have put on weight I want to wear a tent and hide behind people, when I have lost weight and am feeling better about myself it's all I can do not to go to Tesco's in a thing and tassles
I have always struggled with my weight and love to get compliments, it is hard to lose weight if noone noticed I would be peed off.

YABU, but I think you know that!

thong and tassles, sorry.

Yes YABU.

A stone is a lot of weight to lose. Most people struggle to lose 5 pounds so people congratulating you are doing so because for a lot of people it takes a lot of effort. it took you effort - you have achieved soemthing and should be grateful people care about your achievements. If you didn't want people to comment then why put the effort in to lose weight? If you put on weight people won't care.

The first ever thing anybody wrote on my facebook was my cusin commenting on my photo, he said that it was either a really old photo or I had lost a lot of weight, I had lost 4 stone, I was ov er the moon, he also asked if I had actually stopped eating, aknowledging that .losing that much weight is n ot an easy thing, and as we all know to do it you have tol be com plelty obbsessed 24/7. It was the nicest thing I think I have ever been told.

er actually Huff if someone i know has had really spotty skin and then something has worked and it has cleared up then me saying 'your skin has really cleared up' is a compliment. I am sure they are thrilled to be rid of their problem skin and to be looking radiant - i know many friends who have suffered from bad skin problems and are like different people confidenc wise when this clears up. Similarly i know of many women who lose weight and get a real confidence boost when other people notice the change in them and the work they have put in.

I think your attitude is a bit funny TBH.

I was told recently that my skin was looking really clear - I was really pleased because it had been a bit crap and I'd made an effort to get it looking nice again (lots of water, cleansing morning and night etc).
YABU

Having someone notice can make you feel the effort you put in was worthwhile if there's a noticeable difference.

Thread killer strikes again.

As someone who is continually, it seems, losing and gaining back 1.5 stone...

I don't mind it at all when MOST people say it, as long as they don't go on and on.

I hate it when MIL says anything though. MIL has always maintained a slim figure, which may be part of the problem. She always takes it too far and points out exactly where I have lost it. I think she means well, it just comes across badly. I actively avoid her getting the faintist sniff of me trying to lose weight now and quickly change the topic if she goes there.

I think people are actually trying to be nice and encouraging and are probably genuinely pleased for you.

I don't like people commenting on other people's weight much. It's just buying in to the crap idea that for women in particular, thin is good and not-thin is evil. A person who has had a dramatic weight loss due to a serious illness (mental or physical) might be thin but grey-skinned, lank-haired and exhausted all the time: to be told how wonderful you look when the only difference is that you are smaller is to be told that the only thing that matters is to be thin.

I am very overweight and what irritates me is when people say "have you lost weight?" when I know that I haven't. Why are they saying this, I suspect to be nice but its so false as we both know I haven't. I feel like its saying somethimg just for the sake of it and it just underlines my misery at being like this.

When in the past I have belonged to Weightwatchers I have hated it when they make you stand up when you have lost loads of weight. I feel like saying "Congratulations are due when I have kept the weight off for a period of time, that is much harder than losing the weight in the first place.

I agree with previous posters, I would rather say to people, "you look well" and let them comment on whats been happening to them, it might be a diet, it might be illness. Or they can just say thankyou and leave it at that.

I'm very overweight. If people say "have you lost weight" when I know I haven't, I just say "No, but thank you". They mean it as a compliment, so I take it that way.

I do tend to comment on particular pieces of clothing that I like rather than their weight. That's probably just what I notice though.

I get where Huffwardly is coming from.

I am too large but if I lose weight it will be for me, not to look good but because I want to be more comfortable, for my clothes to fit better and to be healthier. I don't want anybody commenting on how I look because there is the insinuation that it wasn't good enough before and that it matters to anybody else but me.

I did lose quite a bit of weight a long time ago due to IBS. I would quite often eat very little for days at a time and not surprisingly the weight fell off. I didn't enjoy being compliment on how I looked so slim when I knew that my face looked haggarded and I didn't look well. I also know, with hindsight that it is very easy to put it all (and more) back on. Nobody thought to mention, when I had put weight on, that I must be feeling and looking better because slim is always good, or so it seems.

Losing weight isn't easy but it isn't really an achievement I would need recognising - I haven't climbed Everest or found a cure for cancer. I would have just eaten less and tomorrow I may eat a whole lot more, get heavy again and the weight loss achievement really doesn't amount to much. Real achievements aren't going to change and they more important to me than whether or not other people think I look good at the moment.

You didn't kill it Lyrs, just badly wounded it .

Hooray for a fair few posts agreeing with me!

Blos - ishoos, yes probably. Don't most women have ishoos about their weight?

Which brings us neatly to SGB's intimation that fat is a feminist issue - hey, that would be a great title for a book.

This morning at nursery dd's teacher (who I don't know well) got in to a big discussion with me about my recent weight loss and I quite genuinely wasn't offended at all. She said "You've lost a lot of weight" (true, I have) then "you're looking good" (thank you) and then asked me how I did it. Fine! It was quite matter of fact and pleasant and not excited or ott.

Maybe it's the girliness of being excited about weight loss I object to?

Lyrs... typo, rather than pally nickname. Meant Lyra.

YANBU. Whenever I have lost weight in the past, I have hated being applauded for it, almost as if somehow being thinner made me a better person in their eyes. Grrr.

Oh thank you Huff! YANBU! I am so with you on this.

I lost nearly 3 stone last year. Yes, yes of course I am delighted. Yes... thanks everyone for noticing.

Now you all have pur-lease can we get over it? I have been completely embarrassed by the ott-ness of a couple of friends.

What else is there to say on the subject??

One wanted a complete breakdown of 'how you did it' in front of a gathering of friends the other day. I could have died! Er..eat less, move around more...in a nutshell. And I do sort of think it's personal to keep mentioning someone's weight. Good or bad.

Imagine my horror one day when I asked another mum and her DH while they were standing outside the school gates if they had been on a diet as they looked great. They had not been on a diet and not lost any weight. I wanted the floor to swallow me up as you could see by the look on her face that she was thinking, do I look like I need to lose weight then?

......and then there was the time I said to my SIL, wow if you get any thinner you'll disappear. She had been dieting and excercising and had intended to lose the weight and my comment was meant as a huge compliment. My brother turned to me and said, what's the matter are you jealous? Having been a steady size 10 since I can remember I can say that I wasn't. Needless to say I keep my mouth shut now.

Bloody Nora. I think this thread is now officially barmy.
If it is so offensive to talk about weight and to compliment anyone who has lost weight then why are people actively trying to loose weight? Really? If it doesn't matter, if in fact you are so angry that the world is demanding that women be slim, then why diet?
And if you do choose to diet why is it so buttclenching awful for you that people should be forbidden from mentioning it.

People pay compliments because they like you and they want you to like them. Looking for anything else in their actions is just a bit self obbsessed.

I am sorry to be grumpy about it but I only clicked on this thread the first time because it resonated with me. Some years ago I lost a lot of weight in a month or two as a result of my son developing a life long and severe disability. It was hard that people complimented me on looking slim when I was actually suicidal with grief. I thought the OP was going to be some similar illness or depression induced weight loss which is upsetting when mentioned
This thread is therefore a bit for me in the circumstances.

I am v v happy to have lost it but when it becomes the opener every flipping time you (regularly) see someone it starts to become embarrassing. Like updating a bulletin all about you and your weight. Blimey charlie..I guess you either love that kind of limelight or you don't. I can't understand why anyone is that interested I suppose.

And if you happen to put a few pounds back on again - then what?

Not sure how I feel about pressure on women to be slim. For me it was just about getting back to feeling like me again and the weight gain was attached to being pretty unhappy for a few years so maybe that's why I don't want to dwell on the ins and outs of it as part of general chit chat.