i would like to tell a little story, so please bear with me.
when i was younger i told a huge lie. the consequences could've been devastating. the only person i confessed to was an older female relative, who has kept that secret to this day.
i came from an abusive home growing up. my dad would threaten if i ever dared to leave home, he would find me and make my life so miserable, it wouldnt be worth it. how more miserable i thought, so at 16 i ran away and went to live with my birth mum.
when i escaped my father, my past seemed to be in my thoughts constantly. that lie.
still, i went on to achieve a life for myself and found myself glued to internet forums, one in particular, and i grew close to some of the other women there. i didn't have many real friends, so this was the next best thing. i loved my nights socialising on there til i recieved a private message. it eventually dawned on my that it was my father. i have never felt so many painful tingles in my spine as that night.
my then dp told me that he cant find me in RL, so to keep strong and keep posting under my name, but to lose his track, i posted utter crap under a new name. just twadle about my daily life, just he didn't know this was me and i felt comfort that i could use this nickname to post anything more personal that might give him a lead in finding me.
all this time that lie hung over my head. i felt so ashamed, constantly wondering if the fact i'd told this lie meant i was an evil bitch, so i posed under my new nickname as that trustworthy older relative i'd told and gave the detailed account of exactly what happened that day through her words. that way, i didn't have to re-live the pain of having to tell it through my words, so i told them and wow, the response was amazing.
they made me feel like it was not my fault, that i was not some evil little bitch who had purposely gone to muck up lives. unfortunately, because my friends on the forum didn't know why i had namechanged, when i posted more details under my regular nickname, i was outed. i was called some horrible names, people said horrible things. they didn't understand what had happened. who could blame them, but that point in my life made me so suicidal. it was without doubt, one of the hardest things i've done in my life confessing all on that forum. now, i wish i hadn't.
sorry, not so little, but just wanted to say that sometimes, things are not always black and white.