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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the money in my dc's bank accounts to see us through a tight period?

44 replies

OneStroke · 10/06/2009 14:43

I've named changed for obvious reasons!

Dh and I are beginning to struggle financially. We have been hit quite hard by the recession, with dh's income almost halved.
I have been enjoying life as a stay at home mum but now am seriously applying for work, but so far no luck.

We are soon going to have wiped out all our savings just staying afloat, and if i can't find work soon we will be in trouble.

At the back of my mind is our dc's bank accounts which could keep us going for another couple of months if I don't find work or dh's company doesn't pick up.

I guess I am looking for opinions as to whether it would be wrong to use the money in the accounts. We do have other options like borrowing from our parents, but we really don't want to do this.

So AIBU to consider this?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 10/06/2009 14:44

no YANBU

leave an IOU in the box for when things are better

Bucharest · 10/06/2009 14:45

YANBU.
I've even raided the piggy bank on occasion.
And you've just reminded me I still owe her her Christening money back....

shootfromthehip · 10/06/2009 14:46

Oh dear, what a tough time you must be having. I think that if your kids are wee then YANBU. It will need to be a discussion that you have with them if they are older.

moopymoo · 10/06/2009 14:46

hmm. gut says bad idea really. I think it depends a bit where the money in it came from - if its been saved by you then less out of order than if it comes from GPs. Think it is very last resort to be avoided if at all possible, I think I would regret it (and have been very skint at various times!)

Grammaticus · 10/06/2009 14:47

If you put the money in, it's your money to take out if you want to - it's just that you hoped to be able to save it for the DCs. If family put the money in, you have to be pretty desperate to take it out, you're more like a trustee then.

so, IMO, it depends!

Greensleeves · 10/06/2009 14:48

it's their financial welfare you are safeguarding - it's a perfectly legitimate use of the money!

savings are a luxury, you have to keep your family afloat as a matter of priority, and getting into debt (family or otherwise) is a MUCH less satisfactory answer.

Use it and don't feel guilty!

PM73 · 10/06/2009 14:48

YANBU,if it keeps a roof over all your heads & food in your tummys then i see no wrong in it.

I hope things look up for you soon.

Original poster
OneStroke · 10/06/2009 14:48

The children are all under 7, so we would have plenty of time to replace it.

moopymoo, some is from GPs and other relatives.

OP posts:
junglist1 · 10/06/2009 14:51

I used to do this all the time when on income support. Christmas money from grandparents even. Yes, I felt guilty, but sometimes needs must.

GrimmaTheNome · 10/06/2009 14:54

It may be in your DCs best interests to borrow their money now, rather than be in dire straits which would doubtless stress everyone. Of course, when you are on an even keel you must make it your priority to repay it - with interest, though at todays rates thats small change - before you spend anything on yourselves that isn't strictly necessary.

I have to admit that I regularly raid DDs purse - I never seem to have cash when the window cleaner calls. Recently DH borrowed from it because we were all going out for the day and he'd forgotten to go to the bank; at this point DD was introduced formally to the concept of an IOU, and asked if he'd pay interest. Quite right too - good financial education!

TrillianAstra · 10/06/2009 14:59

YANBU - my parents did it in the early-90s recession. Like Grimma says, it's in their interest for the money to be available for you to use when you need it.

louloulouise · 10/06/2009 15:01

Staying afloat is more important than the savings for the children at this moment. We had to do the same when we realised we needed a new car, the old one was seriously and unexpectedly dying so we borrowed money from my DD's savings, we are unlikely to be able to pay it all back either but we do our best by saving as much for them as we possibly can. SO don't feel bad, you know you're doing the right thing as long as you have made as many cutbacks to your lifestyle as you possibly can already then you should use it with a clear conscience.

SusieDerkins · 10/06/2009 15:05

YA absolutely, completely and utterly NBU

My parents did this when my brother and I were young. You can always replensish the savings when times are better.

Don't worry about it - you are definitely doing the right thing.

macdoodle · 10/06/2009 15:05

I've done it and we are talking a farly large sum of money
I really had no choice at all and fully intend to replace every penny with interest
YANBU at all!

Original poster
OneStroke · 10/06/2009 16:01

Thanks for your thoughts. I think it is a legitimate way to spend the money as most of you have said.
Hopefully it won't come to it, although being a SAHM has seriously damaged my ability to get a job it seems. 5 years ago I would have walked straight into work but now not even an interiew! That's a whole other thread I suppose!

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 10/06/2009 16:15

YANBU at all. We used Ds's money to see us through a harsh month a while back.

TrillianAstra · 10/06/2009 16:18

It's not you, OneStroke, it's the job market. Or that's what I've been telling myself anyway.

Peachy · 10/06/2009 16:19

It's better that you stay afloat for their sakes, we did this many years ao to pay the rent: they benefitted.

Still, MIL used dh's for a boob job PMSL, he stuill hasnt forgiven her

SuperWasher · 10/06/2009 16:24

Yanbu, I borrowed money from dd to buy furniture, have paid most of it back now.

I do fairly often need to raid the piggy bank for money for the bus though and am not so good at paying that back...I'm usually taking the bus to go to toddler group though and it's money they have taken from my purse to put in there so I tell myself it is justified

noddyholder · 10/06/2009 16:24

You are a family and are in it together so I see nothing wrong in keeping things going through a hard time?You can pay it back as and when.

Sassybeast · 10/06/2009 16:25

YA absolutely NBU.

imaginewittynamehere · 10/06/2009 16:26

YANBU - My parents used the money I was given as a baby as part of the deposit on a house. When I was old enough they opened a bank account & doubled it. It didn't bother me then & now I think how sensible they were...

EyeballshasBackBoobs · 10/06/2009 16:26

I would do it if necessary. I wouldn't feel great about it but needs must and all that. Plenty of time to give it back.

brandonsflower · 10/06/2009 18:07

YANBU, least I hope not, I have just had to borrow some from my DD for a deposit on a rented house, as if I stay in the one we're in any longer I think I will have a breakdown ( not being flippant about that btw)
As long as you pay it back when you have it, it surely makes more sense than having to possibly borrow money elsewhere and pay interest.
I have told my DD I will pay her interest back on her loan, so she is v happy to lend it! ( Bank manager in the making!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/06/2009 19:38

YANBU

you need the money to pay mortgage/bills/eat etc and its no use staying in the bank and you losing your house/not eating etc

at 7 they are too young to know its their money, and as long as you pay it back, then i dont see the problem