To be secretly pleased that the girlwho attacked DS1 on Friday

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Is sporting a black eye where he hit her back?

The problem with primary schools is:- it's the whole of society before all the pyscho's, rapists, beaters, thieves, knifers etc are weeded out.

Doodle, quite possibly they reckon in every playground there are 5 rapists, murderers etc. But i am pretty sure DS1 is not in those catogories.

Eeek - sorry TLE - I wasn't thinking about your son - it was the girl and the other wee thugs I had in mind!

I'm just trying to find and link you to a very good thread (IMO) about this issue. Hang on.

here, read this!

I said nothing about the girl being "damaged" wannaBe, by all accounts she sounds rather unpleasant. That doesn't mean its okay to hit her though.

I am pleased that this boy is able to stand up for himself, I just don't think his Mum should be offering him approval and encouragement for assaulting this girl.

She hits him - she's a bully
He hits her - well done son, pat on the back?

I don't think so!

Well done for fighting back. DS2 (5yrs) has had a few incidents since he started full time, and a few weeks ago came out of school and one of his teachers couldn't get to dp quick enough to say that DS2 had been chased and hit with a stick and his back was grazed but he was ok and the boy who did it had been dealt with. We spoke to DS2 and said if anyone hits you you hit them back and tell them never to hit you or anyone else again. Never hit anyone who does not hit you first, next day came home from school having been assaulted again, I spoke to the teacher, said I was aware of their policy re children hitting back (I am a Governor) but if he gets hit he hits back once. Any probs and they get me to deal with it. ANyway DS2 is very laid back and comes home a few days later to say he was punched by a boy who has caused him probs before so DS hit him back. Child hit ds again so he hit him back, other child cried and has never hit him again. DS has no inclination to hit anyone else. The school is in a deprived area. that gives no other child the right to hit ds and if that means me giving him permission to hit back so be it. I will not have my child identified by others as being someone who can be bullied. I know children have their problems but what can end up being mitigating factors for some people in court are the very things that motivate others to do better in their lives.

Jemart, actually when i collected him from school and went up to his class he said to me

"mummy she has a black eye"
I replied

"I am not interested in the little madam DS1 BUT maybe now she will realise that if you want to hit someone there is the chance they will hit back and she will get hurt, Well done for standing up for yourself"

Biff, love the name lol hated the books when ds1 had them in nursery. oddly enough he has had a very good day today and one of the said bullies was laughing and joking with he and I this afternoon after school...which has never happened before.

Did you read the linked thread? Esp. Custardo's post? Made sense to me.

I was bullied, for years. I wish I'd given them a good thumping. I will always tell my dc that if the "proper" channels don't work (ie, tell teacher, tell me, walk away etc) and they are backed into a corner then to hit to defend themselves.

Yes - there probably are bigger issues in this girl's life but that's not TLE's ds' problem. The school should have dealt with it better, and if I were you, TLE, I would be shopping them to OFSTED and the LEA as soon as your ds is out of there!

I am sorry but I don't buy in to this whole if a boy hits back turns in to a woman beater.
If a man hit me I would bloody well hit them back.

There is such a thing as self defence, which is recognised in law.

Ds1 was bullied mercilessly for nearly 2 years. He was a nice, well brought up, bright child. I did everything by the book, school were useless. When he received death threats, was pushed down a flight of steps, pushed in front of a car, he became suicidal and I was forced to take him out of the school. These children were 9!

Ds2 got pushed around once (aged 6), gave as good as he got, told the other child not to mess with him - teacher was "shocked" - but he never had any more trouble.

The whole Bullying policy thing depends on the adults (HTs and teachers) fulfilling their part of the deal. 9 times out of 10 they don't.

I would recommend self defence classes - judo or jiu jitsu.

3Little, Thats thee whole point. Self defence is recognised but because my 10 yr old is a boy and he defended himself against a girl who thinks she is tough he is in the wrong.

I was no angel at school believe me and when i got to secondary and a boy 3 years older tried to bully me I lost it with him. Yes i whacked him one and oddly enough I had no more hassle from any of the boys in the school in fact they became my friends and protectors. lol...

I think it is a load of sexist crap to teach boys to "Don't Hit Girls", so it is OK to hit other boys then?

If a girl/woman wants to start the physical violence then IMO a man/boy is totally within his rights to defend himself.

If I attacked DH he would have to use quite a bit of violence to stop me. It is never going to happen, but he would be within his personal rights (if not within the law, don't know what it is).

The lesson here, is don't start something if you don't want to take a risk that someone else with finish it. I learned it early on, and it was a bloody good lesson in my opinion.

gemart I didn't say that you specifically had said she had issues, but someone did.

Fact of the matter is that this girl attacked op's ds unprovoked. Whereas he hit her back in self defence. That's where the difference lies. And the law states you can use reasonable force to defend yourself. Hitting someone once in response to repeated bullying is perfectly reasonable force IMO.

As for the boys should never hit girls argument, would it be ok if it was the other way around then? Or if it had been another boy? Why is this child so much more precious because she is a girl?

I am really about the comments that a boy who hits a girl will turn into a man who hits women. What about the other way around then? A girl who hits a boy - does that not automatically follow that she will turn into a woman who hits/abuses men? Because they do exist you know. Domestic violence does happen against men as well, but for some reason society doesn't seem to acknowledge that.

Come on wannaBe you know only men are capable of violence, women can only ever be victims

Morloth oh yes of course lol.

I meant to add that both my dss are known to be kind, gentle, charming etc. However, both would not hesitate to wade in to defend themselves or their friends. Ds2 was once badly beaten when he stepped in to defend a boy he didn't know all that well. He has, on other occasions, defended his friends by landing a well placed punch on an assailant. They would never, ever be the ones to start anything.

Good for you both - I'm not suggesting a black eye's good for anyone, but I hope it works!