To be secretly pleased that the girlwho attacked DS1 on Friday

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Is sporting a black eye where he hit her back?

Good for him, hopefully his last few weeks at this school will be easier.

There were heaps of violent kids when I was at school, and at the time I'd have loved to have seen any of them get a black eye.

As an adult though I can see that things aren't so clear cut. Those kids came from deprived backgrounds, and committed violence because they'd been subject to it themselves.

My guess is that the bully in question is a very unhappy person, and that now she may not pick on OPs DS any more, but will release her violence and anger elsewhere.

Not OP's problem of course but I refuse to believe that people who are brought up with violence can be 'taught a lesson' with further violence. Isn't that what made them a bully in the first place.

Feel very sorry for OP and OP's DS but cannot feel happy at this kid getting a black eye.

The lesson that is taught is that you should not pick on the person who will thump you back. None of the deprived background stuff is relevant to OP's son.

It is very sad of course but it certainly isn't his problem.

I totally agree with Morris. And having just read 'A Clockwork Orange' I have been thinking a lot this week about how treating violence with violence just institutionalises said violence. I feel very uncomfortable that many people seem to be condoning it.

And no - I haven't had a child who was bullied so I may not be judging it from the right side of the fence BUT I was bullied myself at school (verbal) and hitting out would have made things much, much worse I think.

So what do you do then janeite? Just watch your kid lose more and more confidence? Be afraid to go to school? Possibly eventually hang themselves? Turn up at the school with a gun because they are now broken?

The OP has tried the accepted channels, it hasn't worked. I personally think the thump will.

If DS is bullied he will be given the advice I was growing up, which was to hit them back hard enough to knock them over. We will wear the consequences of that together. Kids can smell a victim and they can also tell when a kid will not take any shit.

I did say it wasn't OP's problem. But why rejoice because a bully will now be picking on somebody else?

The bully is still unhappy and her behaviour has not been helpfully addressed. She will no doubt grow up to inflict on her kids whatever has been inflicted on her to make her so aggressive. Thus the cycle continues.

If the school doesn't want to know then I don't have any clever answers to the bullying question either, but from another pov this story could well be 'neglected child's needs ignored' or similar.

Youare so no being unreasonable.

DS1 was bullied for 4 years by a scummy little shit at his school, school were useless in the end I had the scummy little shit arrested for assault. I had his father and half uncle arrested too..

And I laughed my head off when the scummy little shit went to high school acted the big I am and 2 year 5 boys beat the shit out of him, black eyes broken nose busted jaw....

I don't care if that makes me evil

To be honest, had this been happening to my child and had I tried every route with the school to no avail, I would have moved their school. I'm sorry but I can't condone violence and if that means I disagree with many of you, so be it.

I'm hiding this thread because TBh its actually making me feel a little sick to the stomach

it doesn't 'make you evil' kimi, but it does shoiw you up as pathetic and no better than the child who tortured your son - and you don't have the excuse of still being a child

Good for him!

The 'two wrongs not making a right' has worked well for bullies for years.

macdoodle I can only assume you have not had a child bullied

Glad your DS is sticking up for himself against a bully, but am shocked you would condone him hitting a girl, however much of a nasty piece of work she may be.

MorrisZapp, should the OP's son keep taking abuse from this girl to save other kids from getting picked on? The girl's issues have nothing to do with the OP or her son, I don't see how stopping her picking on one kid makes them responsible for her picking on anybody else.

I was bullied as a kid and every time I asked for help my mom would tell me to a)just ignore them (quite hard to ignore physical bullying) or b)it must have been my fault, I must have annoyed them somehow so there was nothing anybody could do to help. The few times I did stick up for myself I got in a ton of trouble.

So well done to OP's son for sorting it and well done to OP for standing up for him.

janeite "would have moved their school."

And if it then happened at the new school?

jemart Why is her being a girl relevant at all?

We were only ever in trouble if we started the trouble, finishing it was OK. And as my mother appeared to be damn near omnipotent, she always seemed to know how it went down. I still haven't figured out how she did/does it!

"would condone him hitting a girl"

You mean you don't want equality after all? I thought people died to get equal rights for women and they were sacred

What did the school say about her provoking your DS till he hit her?

"provoking your DS till he hit her?"

doesn't anyone see how wonky and worrying that is?

I do sympathise with the OP and understand her feelings - don't want to demonize her or her son. But I don't feel comfortable condoning violence either, not even in retaliation. I wouldn't be pleased with my son for this.

Fuckingidiot (great name by the way) I saw my sons confidence destroyed, he came home daily with bruises cuntfrace even tried to drown him ast a school swimming lesson, made hate calls to our house, my sons mobile and to some of my sons friends making threats pretending to be my son .

A friend of mine who is a psychiatrist at GOSH said the little shit was psychotic and the school should have done something about it, so when you have the first clue what it feels like to watch some animal attack your child you might see why if I saw the little shit run over by a bus in front of my eyes I would smile.

And for the record I do not go round beating and terrorizing people so I am nothing like that worthless peice of shite thank very much.

I was bullied and never fought back. I was told to ignore it. It never stopped and my life was absolutely hellish.

I want to say Yanbu at all.

I actually want to cheer your son for defending himself.

I hope the school and not going to "punish" your son, poor boy.

The fact it is a girl is irreverent, why should a girl/woman be allowed to be violent andthink no one will retaliate cause they are female?

lol at "irreverent"

It's alarming that the school are being so passive. My children's school is very hard-core on bullying, they would have nipped this in the bud months ago. It's partly their fault that child has a black eye.

But I still tell my children "violence is wrong" - violence from or towards them or anyone else. I couldn't deviate from that position, I really don't thing it would do them any favours in the long term.

My ds1, who is the same age as OP ds, is always a target for bullies, and I have told him to 1) Tell the teacher or 2)Tell me and I will sort it out with the teacher or parent. My son followed my advice and the teacher told him to stop telling tales, and then when I spoke to the school, they told me to toughen up my son and tell him to stop crying in school otherwise he will be bullied more.

So now what do I do?

I've told my son, that if you are being called names to ignore it, or say whatever, and if they start beating you that he should defend himself, even if it gets him into trouble.

I've been lucky that nothing more has happened, but if my ds did hit back, then I would support him 100%.

I think that sometimes violence is the answer.

It may not be PC at all, but from what I have seen of the world sometimes you need to be prepared to defend yourself, violently if necessary.

At the end of the day, the bully chooses to hurt and belittle someone else, so because someone has a deprived background they take everyone with them? She's 11, not 5, and hopefully will never lay her hand on another innocent again. How many children, innocent children, kill themselves because of scummy shits who want to look good in front of their mates. How do those parents feel? That's where my sympathy lies.