To be secretly pleased that the girlwho attacked DS1 on Friday

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Is sporting a black eye where he hit her back?

Took me 4 years to stand upto the bully in our school

then I blew and in front of everyone had a fight with her and reduced her to tears begging me to stop
I humilated her in front of everyone who thought she was hard

She and none of her croonies ever came near me again

20 plus years later if I see her she crosses the road

Wanna DS1 is 10 and the girl 11.

I have just done my usual and checked his FB page (don't moan there are reasons he has it) and she has requested him as a friend???

Mind you could be her mum as it was not there yesterday???

no yanbu

Hi TLE - I read your other thread
I would be secretly pleased tbh
My first hope was that she (and the others) would leave him alone now

But then I read your post about facebook - dont let him accept her - its very possible she will switch to cyber bullying

She sounds very cunning if that is what she is up to - ie she knows she cant do it at school anymore so she is having a go online instead - do please tell ds to only accept friends he definitely trusts (with your veto preferably)

Yanbu. Good for your ds.

I am sorry I dont know the whole background and have only skimmed your other thread, but this thread makes me feel very uncomfortable
A group of grown women rejoicing that a 11yr old girl has a black eye [hmmm]

Yabu

Obviously the whole bullying situation stinks, but surely this is only going to give weight to the school's insistence your ds is partly to blame.
Agree with macdoodle, this thread makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Feeling secretly pleased is possibly acceptable, a whole group of adults giving virtual high fives over an 11yo girl with a black eye is definitely not imo

Well generally two wrongs don't make a right.

However when a child has been bullied for years and nothing has been done about it, I think there comes a time for that child to hit back.

And yes she's an eleven year old child. But so is the child she has been bullying. She's hardly an angel now is she?

There comes a point when you really don't care what happens to the other child as long as THEY LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE. I suspect some of the parents here have been in the position of trying the reasonable way first, perhaps for years.

And, yes. They can turn to Facebook bullying. I deleted two of my son's 'friends' when they posted nasty comments the same week that he'd lost his dog to cancer and was feeling upset. These were boys who'd been giving him a hard time at school and on the bus. They were most put out when we deleted them and couldn't understand it all...

Mac, the same girl who has clawed ds1's arm to bits gauging chunks out, then denying it and claiming to be the victim.

you can block her from being able to see his facebook profile, might be a good thing to do so.

I was bullied from the age of 5 until I was 13 before I actually hit back, all the years build up and the more they think you are scared the more they pick at you.

Good on your DS maybe they will realise that he ius not easy pickings now!

As for all of those saying it's wrong I take it you will be of the tell the teacher fi someone hits you brigade?

No way I was told to that for 3 years and the teachers always told me to stop telling tales, I was pushed down a flight of stairs and smashed my lip and nose open whilst a bunch of girls stood laughing when I said what had happened 'there were no witnesses' no apart from the whole bloody class laughing at me!

My DS will be told to hit back, if someone hits him he must stick up for himself!

Franks, TBH I am at the point where i know the school are never going to deal with the bullies, their way of dealing with it is to deny it is happening. I got called to the office this morning but the girls mother was phoned up. Apparently it is terribly wrong for a boy to hit girl....errr so it is acceptable for girls to hit boys?

If a girl/woman is big enough to dish it to a boy/man then she should be big enough to get it back!

Not right that a girl can hit a boy but not tthe other way around, I'm not saying violence is a good thing obviously but if a memeber of either sex is able to hit someone then they should be prepared for ti to come back on them!

mmm...yes yabu...but i think you know it too.

We shouldn't feel like this...but i can understand why you do

You aren't there to protect him...the school are useless and aren't doing it. You are therefore pleased that he at least managed to do it himself.

when i was bullied at school i was told by my parents to make sure i hit or pushed them back harder 'hard enough to knock them over'

i only did it once and i did get into trouble but i wasn't bullied again.

ds was bullied in primary school (he has sn and stands out ...he was an easy target at the school he was in) and a teacher told me she saw him being pushed around and then he lost his temper and turned on them and layed into one of them. She turned a blind eye deliberately...and said she thought 'good on you troutboy'

I wasn't sure what to say..i was a bit shocked tbh ...she was afraid of the bullies as much as him...and didn't know how to handle them herself!

Mama, I spent far too long telling him to laugh at their comments even down to "Your mum is a slag she has 2 children by 2 men" from one child when I had ds2, that really hurt him, yet went undealt with..until i told the childs mother to keer her sons nose out of our lives as at least ds1 and ds2's dad was living with us and not in prison for theft. Ok wrong on my part but there is nothing done in the school so i had to stand up for my son. Oddly enough that child has stopped now.

I don't blame you for feeling pleased. It's hard when your child is consistently bullied and you feel powerless to do anything about it.

My dd was bullied in primary school by a girl in her class, although not physically. She stood up one day in the class when the teacher was out of the room and said 'Hands up who hates G (my dd)' It went on for years, all the poisonous little rumours, and turning her friends against her. It all boiled down to the fact that my dd was popular with the boys in her class, as she was a bit of a tomboy herself (she's a PE teacher now so still quite tomboyish, although a glamorous one!). It was a shame really that a child so young (started when they were about 8 years old) was so desperate to have a 'boyfriend', and she couldn't stand to see my dd with all the boys as friends.

She stopped the bully in her tracks one day by saying 'what are you going to do for a face when Frankenstein wants his arse back?' Left her speechless and with her cronies all laughing at her. I was delighted actually.

It still bothers dd to this day, and she will be 24 in July, so don't feel bad about being glad your son finally retaliated and gave the little madam a taste of her own medicine.

I totally understand what you mean.

However, it doesn't stop me feeling sickened at your attitude.

I don't think anyone is actually appluading the fact that the girl has a black eye.

IMO I think it's more of a good on tles son for not putting up with an awful and prolonged situation.. that is just yet another case of bullying that hasn't been dealt with by the school.

black eyes heal.. the emotional harm done by bullying take a long time if ever to get over.

tels son has been punished by the school for the harm he caused.

we should all be teaching our dc's not to use violence.. yet for those children who do.. surely at some point they know they are likey to get a shiner.

I know that sounds harsh.

BCNS I am still in shock that he actually hit her as he never does.

doesn't supprise me. ds2 just won't do it and he's in such a state emotionally .. I don't think he ever will. here the silly thing about our situation ds2 has a green belt ( with 2 stripes) in judo.. so if he wanted to he could actually defend himself.. and quite controlled too.

well hopefully your ds will know he's not done the right thing and take the punishment well. etc.. but will have gained a tiny bit of confidence back.

and we all know it's not right to hit out.. but no one ever stops the bullies doing it!

I am ambivalent about this.

Ds was constantly hit by 2 boys when he was 4. Although the same age, he was much bigger than them and finally retaliated. We were told off by his then nursery as we condoned his actions (they had been aware of the bullying problem and had failed to stop it). So I thought I would never object to a child fighting back.

But...

Ds is now 6 and there is a child at school whom he has constantly complained about - being kicked etc. We never took any action being of the view that children have to sort these things out themselves (to a degree). Then one day we are told by the school that this child's parents have complained that ds has been bullying their child. Even under interrogation, ds flatly denies this and the school appear to believe ds. However, I am left with the feeling that I do not really know what happened and that I wish I had got the school much more involved. Bully is a horrible word to hear associated with your child and I would have liked to get it properly resolved.

I think one of the problems with society now is that there seems to be this "all children are innocent and we shouldn't say a bad word against a child because they are a child," attitude. When in actual fact some children are horrible, vile little brats who are allowed to get away with being horrible, vile little brats purely because they are children. And they will thus grow into vile, horrible adults.

And if a child continues to bully another child, and nothing is done about it by the adults who are supposed to be the ones setting the example, guiding that child into adulthood and teaching them right from wrong, then perhaps it's only fair that the child who is being bullied retalliates and shows that child just what effect their actions have on others.

Maybe that girl will be the talk of the playground today. And she'll learn first hand just what it feels like to be singled out.

Maybe it's not so wrong that a bully's peers be the ones to show them what is right, and what is wrong, given the adults seem to be incapable/unwilling to do so.

Having had a child who suffered a lot of bullying , I have to say that striking back was definitely the answer.My second child would always hit back so he was never bullied.3rd child is a quiet and gentle girl and the other little madams make mincemeat of her not sure what the answer is there ?

As long as it stays secretly (well and on here as well).

I honestly believe this is the only way to deal with a bully, it is a bunch of lies that adult involvement will help - it makes it worse.

We were also given the advice to hit back hard enough that they fell over. Though as one of 6 children who went through the school (3 of which at any given time) the problem never really came up.

One of my dear girlfriends was bullied at her previous school, when the kids found out that her mum had come to the school they really stepped it up a notch. She finally got moved to our school, an obviously being part and parcel of the Morloth family group meant it didn't happen again.

Bullies suck and they do need a good thump IMO.