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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish people would stop telling me i'll have my hands full in September

28 replies

coffeecups · 06/06/2009 19:16

DC no 3 is due in Sept, DS will be 14 months and DD will be 3 1/2. Of course I'll have my hands full but I'm sick of people saying it and or telling me I'm mad. No 3 was a bit of a surprise but one that we're delighted about - let's face it who plans that small a gap and of course it will be tough but stupid comments don't help and I've still got three months of people telling me I'll have my hands full. Any good ideas for appropriate/inappropriate responses.

OP posts:
kingfix · 06/06/2009 19:25

deep breaths and ignore, I reckon.
I am just expecting no 2 and people take great delight in telling me how sleepless the nights will be and how the older one will be jealous. When I am feeling charitable I just tell myself they can't think of anything interesting to say.

burningupinspeed · 06/06/2009 19:27

You sound a bit sensitive, it is just small talk. Just smile and say 'yes, it's great isn't it' and something about how lucky you are. I doubt people are saying it to piss you off.

AnyFucker · 06/06/2009 19:27

just smile sweetly and say "yes, isn't it wonderful...."

there is no reply to that is there

tbh, try not to get offended, to say you will have your hands full is just one of those ooooooolld cliches, isn't it

similar to the other thread going at the moment, the one about people ttc to "just relax and it will happen"

utter bollocks but not offensive really

AnyFucker · 06/06/2009 19:28

ah, x-post burning

nickytwotimes · 06/06/2009 19:30

Smiling and nodding.

Say yes, it'll be hard but you will be able to reclaim your lie-ins in 5 years.

Original poster
coffeecups · 06/06/2009 19:30

Oh I'm not really sensitive to it, it's just mildly annoying when you've heard it the 30th time. I know it's small talk like dumb idiots telling beautiful pregnant women they're looking very large 'are you sure it's not twins'. What women wants to be told she's fat especially when she's pregnant?

OP posts:
crokky · 06/06/2009 19:31

I have a 14mo and a 3.2yo so very similar to the ages your DC will be when you have DC3. I think I could cope with a new baby (if one was handed to me right now - I am just useless at being pregnant). IMO being pregnant when you already have DC is far harder than when the new DC actually arrive. Don't worry, you will be fine! Ignore these people, it's mindless chatter.

crokky · 06/06/2009 19:31

I might be tempted to respond: do you think I should give one of them away then?

DaisymooSteiner · 06/06/2009 19:31

Just ignore it and try not to get so stressed about little things like that. Save your energy, after all, you're going to have your hands full in September

hazeyjane · 06/06/2009 19:32

A lot of people say to me, 'you've got a handful there' etc, when I'm out with dd's who are 2 and 3.2.

I usually take it as acknowledgement that I have got my hands full!

Of course sometimes people say it when dd's are trying to climb in the icecream freezer at Waitrose, or rolling around on the floor of Boots wrestling, and then i think it's because they think I'm not coping!

rosiejoy · 06/06/2009 19:32

it IS really annoying, but ive come to accept that actually most people say it to be friendly. i have 15 months between my dcs, i get that comment all the time, but actually ive realised its far nicer to hear that comment than people tutting and complaining when youre holding holding up the supermarket queue cos kids mucking about etc...

herladyship · 06/06/2009 19:34

perhaps they are saying it an admiring way though.. like a 'hats of to you' type comment. its not exactly an insult is it?

it will come to an end soon, for the last 6-8 weeks of pregnancy all everyone will say is 'haven't you had that baby yet?'

herladyship · 06/06/2009 19:36

or even 'hats off'

Haribosmummy · 06/06/2009 19:38

I have a 12 month old and No2 is due at the start of August... I get those comments all the time... I just say 'la la la... I'm not listening!!! I have 10 more weeks of ignorant bliss and I intend to enjoy them'

it's just something people say - the same way they feel the need to comment on the size / shape of your bump...

summerbird · 06/06/2009 19:38

i am expecting number 1 and am getting the 'oh you have noooo idea how hard it is going to be' of course i dont, so it is pointless telling me!!

my friend got similar comments when she was expecting number 3 too. such as 'oh ANOTHER one - was it planned?' er yes thank you and mind your own business!!

i am totally with you coffeecups you are not being unreasonable or sensitive at all

Original poster
coffeecups · 06/06/2009 19:39

at Daisymoosteiner and crokky, particularly like this option. Not actually worried about the new baby lark - they're a lot easier than the emotions of a small girl I've found.

OP posts:
PresidentTaylor · 06/06/2009 19:40

I have 3 and always get this comment too - have done since pg with the 3rd. Don't really mind it too much. Like others have said, people are just being nice and appreciating how busy and tired you probably are/will be. I usually just agree with them!

lockets · 06/06/2009 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
coffeecups · 06/06/2009 19:45

I also tend to agree with them, but just wish someone could come up with something more original than 'was it planned' and 'you'll have your hands full'. Why is it when you get into this breeding lark that everyone feels they have the right to make an obscene amount of personal comments about your appearance, your sex life etc?

OP posts:
bluejeans · 06/06/2009 19:59

Congratulations! I'mnot sure I'd cope but my mum had 3 under 5 and we survived

In some ways I think it's easier that they are close in age

My DD is and always will be an only but I'm secretly a little bit jealous of your expanding family

juuule · 06/06/2009 20:09

"let's face it who plans that small a gap "

Some people do. Should they get upset at your comment. Obviously not, as it's unlikely you meant it to offend. Same as people making comments to you are more than likely just being conversational and acknowledging your situation. Which as you recognise is quite true when you say

"Of course I'll have my hands full "

Just smile and nod and try not to be too upset by how many times you hear the same thing.

Original poster
coffeecups · 06/06/2009 20:09

bluejeans. Not sure if I will cope - have hideous recollections of being a very shouty tense mum last summer, but I, no we will survive. After all 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' doesn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeecups · 06/06/2009 20:10

Nickytwotimes what are these lie-in's you talk of?

OP posts:
GoingLoopy · 06/06/2009 20:16

As a mum of ds1 (4 years) and dtss (2 years) I know exactly how you feel ! I had 3 under 2 for 3 days! 'Those' comments haven't stopped yet! And, yes I have my hands full, sometimes its wonderful and sometimes its a nightmare but I wouldn't change it!

Original poster
coffeecups · 06/06/2009 20:17

Fair point juuule.

I think i only really want some wise arse comments to stop people in there tracks as 'yes i know' doesn't stop it coming. I know it's said in a 'I'm glad I'm not in your shoes kind of a way'.

Frankly it could be a lot worse i do know, but there are times when we all need a moan aren't there.

OP posts:
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