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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want parenting advice from complete strangers?!

38 replies

Littlepurpleprincess · 06/06/2009 12:18

I was walking along, minding my own business with DS in the buggy. A woman said hello to DS, all sweetness and light. That's great. No problem. Then sais "oh, you got cold little knees, tell mummy to put a rug over you".

Erm, tell mummy yourself if you have a problem, I'm stood right here.

IT'S JUNE!

Why the dig? Is it nessarcery? DS is a happy healthy child, and yes I know how to dress him! He would tell me if he was cold.

Why do people think it's ok to critasise (sp?) me?

Rant over.

OP posts:

HeadFairy · 06/06/2009 12:20

It's one of the many trials of motherhood sadly. I lost count of the time total strangers told me my baby was hungry if he so much as whimpered when I was walking down the road with him in the pushchair. Ignore ignore ignore. Then plot their downfall in a suitably hooded claw type manner

DesperateHousewifeToo · 06/06/2009 12:21

I think you are making too much of this.

Just smile and laugh it off.

YAB a bit U

junglist1 · 06/06/2009 12:22

YANBU it's so patronising.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 06/06/2009 12:29

I know I should let it go over my head but it happens to me all the time.

Prehaps it's because I am a young parent (I am 20 but could pass for about 15). People seem to think I am totally incapable.

(I'm a registered childminder with a level 3)

OP posts:

ZZZen · 06/06/2009 12:34

you will get it ALL the time. Develop a hatchet face if you want to avoid it.

I am hoping it stops when the dc reach a certain age

Tommy · 06/06/2009 12:39

smile and ignore

my particular bug bear is when DS3 coughs and someone says "ooh, that's a nasty cough.." No it's not - it's just a cough

I still try to smile and ignore

ZZZen · 06/06/2009 12:40

and I don't think it's you being a young mum either. I was an old bat when dd was born although I look quite young for my age (always have). I can't tell you HOW MANY old grannies in Berlin told me my dd was too hot, too cold, was hungry or some such thing. It just gives them something to do I reckon.

What can you do though? I mean you could say "I'd thank you to mind your own business and not comment on my dc" but how many mums would do that? Other than frowning wickedly at every woman who comes in your line of vision before they get a chance to say anything, there isn't any way of stopping them. I told myself at least they were showing some kind of interest. Have you noticed old men don't do this?

onagar · 06/06/2009 12:45

It's meant well and it seems to be mostly people over a certain age.

So the really scary thing is that one day far in the future you may find yourself saying to some young girl who doesn't look old enough to have a baby "oh look he needs his nappy changed! oh yes he does!"

BitOfFun · 06/06/2009 12:45

I am tempted to say "Erm, what are you doing on mumsnet then?" from your OP , but I guess people wait until you ask here though, so you're quite right! What a pain in the arse. Still, we all get it, whatever age. I like the idea of a hatchet face though!

maria1665 · 06/06/2009 12:49

Old men do do this. I met one old chap whilst walking in the Cotswolds, pushing DD2 in her pram with the raincover down. He said hello, and then starting lecturing me on deaths caused by women leaving babies in prams with the raincovers down in the sun.

I told him that this was my third child, and the over two had survived so the odds looked good for this one, ending my mini speech with a cheery but firm 'Goodbye!'

I am in my forties - I don't think being young has much to do with it. Its like you become public property when you have a baby. But the upside is that people are more willing to give you a hand if you need it - I've had some lovely experiences on public transport of people going miles out of their way to help.

shinyshoes · 06/06/2009 12:54

YANBU I get this quite alot and as recently as the other day.

DD always pulls her socks off, I have started putting shoes on her now but she has taken these off before. The weather isn't that bad and after the gazillionth time of putting DD's socks back on I decided to leave them off, I was bored of playing the game and a few times they were launched from the pushchair.

I had a few comments of 'oooh aren't your feet cold little one, ' or 'where are your socks you'll get a chill'.

Its bloody 102 degrees, she will hardly freeze. I just don't put socks on her now, especially if the weather is nice.

AlistairSim · 06/06/2009 12:54

I don't 'get' this, I don't really understand why it would bother anyone.

It seems so trivial.
Surely, it's just rather nice that other people are interested in your children.

christmasmum · 06/06/2009 12:58

I know what you mean, it is quite annoying but at the same time when you hear about children being abused and starved to death I'm actually really happy that people do take an interest in my DD's welfare and care enough to want to intervene in her cold knee'd status

LovelyTinOfSpam · 06/06/2009 13:01

I suppose if you want the upsides of living in a community (which I think most of us would prefer to living in splendid isolation) then you have to take the downsides too.

One of the old dears could be the one to grab your wayward toddler when it's about to go arse over tit base over apex into a flowerbed or shoot out into the road or whatever...

BalloonSlayer · 06/06/2009 13:01

Headfairy, I just love: "plot their downfall in a suitably hooded claw type manner."

May I steal it for my own future use please?

HeadFairy · 06/06/2009 13:21

Steal away

FairLadyRantALot · 06/06/2009 13:38

thing is no matter what ya do, someone will find fault...don't let it get to you...just smile sweetly and ignore

Fwiw...it's quite funny to watch trends in different countries... and this is not at what you do, or anything....but I have observed, that in the UK there is a trend to underdress children and in germany it can be boiling hot and Kids are wrapped in blankets and god knows what...
neither is great....happy medium it is, eh....

barnsleybelle · 06/06/2009 13:43

I know what you mean...When i was pregnant with my 1st, it seemed that every woman who had given birth was suddenly elevated to midwife status!!!

MarthaFarquhar · 06/06/2009 13:49

next time you're in the supermarket, why not play old biddie bingo?

Get one point for each time you hear one of the following:

"someone needs a smacked bottom"

"wouldn't have put up with that in my day"

"silly mummy forgot your coat!"

"now I prefer to see girls dressed as girls"

If you get three points in one trip, you're entitled to stick an extra bottle of chablis in the trolley .

LadyAga · 06/06/2009 15:07

I was sitting in the dr's waiting room when an old man started talking to my 9mth old son.

In a loud voice he then started telling me repeatidly that I should stop spending my money in Ladbrokes and buy my son books instead

I've ever stepped foot in a bookies and don't even play the bloody lottery... and my son has a whole shelf on the bookcase dedicated to his books.

CDMforever · 06/06/2009 15:18

AlistairSim and christmasmum, couldn't agree with you more. People are on such a short fuse these days. Don't sweat the small stuff.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 06/06/2009 15:22

I got told off for carrying DD1 in a sling, because 'its bad for her neck' apparently. Also numerous times for freezing their poor little feet off, as none of my children would ever keep their shoes and socks on in the buggy.
It drives you mad, doesn't it.

EmotionalRex · 06/06/2009 15:23

It's a common thing... I remember being desperately upset when, after telling my dd aged 2 (during 'The Year of the Tantrum to Rival That Kid in The Omen')that I had warned her not to run around pulling tins of spaghetti and other similarly ouchy products onto her own head and that now she'd have to go back in the buggy. DD then screamed blue, black, purple and teal murder - well, clearly I was infringing her personal freedom to wreak beautiful havoc A little old lady then came up to me and hissed at me 'how could you, you're pure evil. You have no idea of the effect that will have on her in a few years' and some other choice phrases.
As a struggling young mum I was devastated... I really took it to heart.

I discussed it later with a friend who suggested that the woman may have thought that I'd hit DD which of course I hadn't. And that the lady'd clearly got her own issues to deal with as regards that...

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 06/06/2009 15:25

AlistairSim - I didn't find it 'nice' that some old lady decided to give me a lecture in the middle of the High Street about how I was damaging my three-month-old PFB by slinging her.
I found it demoralising and humiliating. You question your own judgement enough as a new mum without other people doing it for you.

ilovesprouts · 06/06/2009 15:27

yep i know what you mean my sons got a stridor and im always getting stopped to ask if hes got a bad chest and tell me to take him to the docs tickes me off

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