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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not wanting the cats in the bedroom?

32 replies

locqd · 04/06/2009 23:46

My DP has two cats and I have recently moved into his house.

First thing I noticed was that the cats are treat like royalty, they are given fresh chicken, if they beg for "human food", they get it ... they have full reign of the house ... they use whatever furniture they like etc.

Thing is, I am sure I am allergic to them. Whenever they are near me I start sneezing and my eyes start tor really itch.

But I tried to be fair and not start laying for the law as soon as I moved in.

But one of the cats sleep on his bed. This meant it was sleeping on ME all night. I hated it. I asked him to keep it off the bed ... he agreed but it still comes in the bedroom, curls up on my clothes, crawls under the bed and sleeps on the clean duvet covers and sheets etc ...

AIBU to ask for a 'blanket ban' on cats in the bedroom?
I don't want to turn into hitler as soon as I move in but its gross, the cats roam the streets all day, god knows where they have been before they are curled up on our bed clothes.

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 04/06/2009 23:49

You moved in... did you not visit before you moved in? Never stay the night?

I think you have left it a bit late to raise this if you aim to sound reasonable.

Original poster

locqd · 04/06/2009 23:51

I did stay the night yeah, I did mention that I didn't like the cats sleeping on me at the time and that's when he stopped letting them but I've only recently realised that they're now sleeping under the bed (on the linen) all day now instead. (I work during the day)

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 04/06/2009 23:51

YANBU where night time is concerned. Cats in the bedroom are a pain in the arse. If they're not pinning you down with the duvet they're trying to sleep on your head. Or they jump off the wardrobe onto your face at three o'clock in the morning. Kick 'em out. But beware the carpet outside the door - it won't survive one night.

In the daytime? Well, I take your points but I can't bring myself to ban them. It seems mean somehow to ban them from the comfiest spot in the house. And I think I'm a bit allergic as well.

skramble · 04/06/2009 23:52

you have only just noticed that the rule the roost? Surely you have visited his house before, and stayed over.

I used to stay over at my partners house and normally the cats had the run of the house, but before I arrived he would hoover and close the bedroom door and keep the cats out the whole time I was there, other wise they would lay on my clothes or crawl on the bed which I don't like.

I think basic stuff like this should have been sorted out before you moved in.

KingCanuteIAm · 04/06/2009 23:54

Sorry, you sound like you really don't like cats, first off the bed, then out of the room... you don't like them on the furniture, you think they are "gross".

Why on earth did you move into a cat lovers house if you hate cats this much?

skramble · 05/06/2009 00:01

See I really don't like them either, and I don't think I would move in with my DP and his cats if that was going to be the set up, it would be a deal breaker and would certainly be discussed beforehand.

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 00:07

Yes YABU...

I love cats and mine are bedroom dwellers

Cats are very clean, you don't need to worry about 'where they've been'.

I can't understand you not liking cats, but I can understand you not wanting them on the bed, in the bedroom, in the house... if you don't like them, but it's a bit late now. As others have said, you should have discussed this prior to moving in and if it's such a big deal to you, you shouldn't have moved in! You can't ask him to get rid of them now (which is what it would really take to keep you happy as cats aren't very good at invisible boundaries).

It's a bit lame to pull the 'I think I'm allergic to them' card at this stage. If you are, it's only minor and you'll soon get used to them.

Original poster

locqd · 05/06/2009 00:08

I don't dislike cats, I'm not a huge fan of them but I don't actively 'dislike them.

I am a huge dog lover but I wouldn't want a dog laying on the bed all day either. I suppose I'm a bit of a germophobe too but they do have a tendancy to pull holes in stuff, as well as get cat hairs everywhere.

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 05/06/2009 00:21

TBH, it is not at all unreasonable to say you are not keen on them in the bedroom or on your clean washing. It is unreasonable to say this just after you have moved in!

The way you have presented this here makes me think YABVU and I suspect your dp is likley to think that too! You stated what you wanted, he complied. You then move in and want more shortly afterwards...

How is he going to know that your next demand is not going to be No cats upstairs, then no cats in the living room, then no cats in the house..... It may sound odd but it happens, a lot, and you are coming across, to me at least, as being (potentially) on the start of that path.

Lovesdogsandcats · 05/06/2009 01:06

Yes YABVU

And selfish.

The cats came before you...so get over it.

Anyone telling me to get my cats off the bed would be told 'if you don't like it, there's the door'.

JodieO · 05/06/2009 01:14

Chipping so when cats are outside you don't need to worry about where their paws have been? Or when they lick their arses? They may be clean relative to other animals (not sure how they scale compared to every other tbh) but compared to actual cleanliness I would hazard a guess a not that much really. I like cats too btw.

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:24

By the time the cats have come inside the house, wandered about and then jumped onto the bed, the amount of stuff still on their paws is minimal. Unless she is letting the cat lick her face (and I doubt that's the case!! LOL), what has what they lick got to do with them being on the bed?

IF they start washing themselves on the bed it's instant removal - they soon learn

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 01:56

YANBU

Actually, I love cats though am really allergic to them. But I do think that when you move in with someone, you have to sort of re-do all the house rules together, and that includes pet treatment. Try and find an acceptable solution together.

Nekabu · 05/06/2009 06:31

The cats don't sleep on the bed at night now so I would quit it with the complaining. You never know, you might get to like them. If you don't want them sleeping on clean laundry then put it away so they can't get to it.

I don't have my cats in the bedroom at night either (because they like to sleep on my head or start playing on top of me in the middle of the night) but they can go in there during the day. Mine also have free rein of the house as funnily enough, it's their home too. Anything I don't want them sleeping on (and I don't want cat hairs all over clean linen either!) gets put away so they can't snore on it.

From your post it does sound as though you dislike cats. As you have moved in with someone who does like cats and owns a couple, I think you need to learn to love them too!

LovingTheRain · 05/06/2009 06:59

FWIW, i think YANBU at-all! You have every right to tell him you don't want cats in the bedroom.

We don't allow cats in the bedrooms either.

We sleep with bedroom doors closed to prevent cats getting into the bedrooms (DCs too)

If you're allergic, he should be falling over backwards to ensure there was no cats in the bedrooms!

Try keeping the cats out the bedrooms with the doors closed at all times rule!

Let us know how it goes!

Lucia39 · 05/06/2009 07:21

As a cat lover I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

Cats do take up the bed! So, if ours wakes us up we just put him out. However, a purring cat is very soporific.

Years ago we had three on the bed with us and at one time we were even given kittens to "babysit" while their Mum went out!

As to cats being dirty - not necessarily correct. Yes, a cat that is not cared for will have fleas, worms, and possibly ticks but your partner sounds like a caring owner so his are unlikely to be in this state.

As to cats being cats - well there is a very pertinent saying "Dogs have owners, cats have staff"!

guineamango · 05/06/2009 07:32

Try "Petal cleanse" apply directly to the cat's and it will help with your allergies. (Quite safe for cat)

soopermum1 · 05/06/2009 09:17

I have 2 cats and one of them sleeps on my pillow every night while the other curls up on my son's bed but i don't think YABU. You are more important than the pets so your likes and dislikes should come first. It's not that much of an effort to shut them out the bedroom, especially as it's nice and warm now and I really don't think the poor kitties will suffer too much. Would they take to a nice cat bed or one of those things you hang of the radiator? my cats used to love that, really warm for them.

girlywhirly · 05/06/2009 12:36

It can be the dried saliva from grooming as well as hairs, skin flakes etc that cause reactions, not just dirt. Consider desensitization treatments.

Sassybeast · 05/06/2009 12:38

YABU.

ZZZen · 05/06/2009 12:41

YANBU I couldn't sleep with cats in the bedroom (mainly because I can't stand cats tbh). I don't think YABU to not want them in the bedroom if you are generally just being tolerant of them in the house.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/06/2009 13:28

YAB slightly U to raise this after you've moved in however it's true that house rules need further discussion when someone moves in. You'll struggle not to come across as unreasonable though

Our cat isn't allowed in our bedroom as my husband is allergic and although he's fine in the rest of the house it didn't seem fair if he has to use his inhaler at night due to the cat sleeping on the bed. It's easy to keep her out (shut the door) and after a few nights banging on the door to stop her scratching at the hall carpet she now sleeps on a furry mat at the top of the stairs. Maybe you could ask your DP to keep the door shut (or use a blanket/throw to cover the bed, then remove at night). Alternatively get some delicious cat treats, feed to cats downstairs, run up to bed and shut the door, .

Put washing away promptly so it's not a cat temptation. Generally, I don't keep anything out I don't want the cat to sit on. Regards furniture, put a blanket/throw over the sofa (at least you can sling it in the wash).

Cats will sit on anything but you might be able to get them to use a cat climbing frame thingy rather than the furniture. You might not need to mention it as a problem, just say you've found a brill thing you think the cats would love and hopefully they'll take to it (use sneaky treats to encourage cats or catnip spray!). You'll look like the lovely DP who's making a effort and if they use the frame they're not sitting in other places

Tinker · 05/06/2009 13:36

If you're allergic, you just can't have them in the bedroom. I could not live in a house with cats, cat allergies are not minor

Difficult. Cat-lovers seem to think other people should also love them and don't understand those that don't.

OrmIrian · 05/06/2009 13:38

Well I don't let my DC kiss the cat.

She'd catch something.

They were there first but a bedroom ban isn't unreasonable IMO.

Nekabu · 05/06/2009 16:07

Cat allergies aren't minor but they are workable with, plus you build up a bit of an immunity to your own. I have cats and a cat allergy. Currently trying Petal Cleanse to see if that makes any difference.

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