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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be totally fed up with paying for AP AND her mother!!

44 replies

CoffeeAndCarrotCake · 31/05/2009 21:08

Ok, so I absolutely do not think I am being at all unreasonable, but am so irritated with myself and with the situation. I posted a while ago about paying for everything for our (albeit lovely) au pair, and after following mumsnet advice, felt pleased that things were on track again. THEN she asked if her mum could come and stay for a week.

I said yes, and the mum is also lovely, but the pair of them have been here eating all week and opening our wine and FINISHING OFF ALL OF THE ICE CREAM and it's really pissing me off now. As I type, APMum is sitting swigging the wine my friend gave me as a pressie, eating my leftover curry that I'd been looking forward to, while AP complains that DH is watching a program on TV that she doesn't want to watch.

The final straw before this final straw, was when we took them out for the day today to a local national trust place, and I sort of thought they might offer to pay our entry fees as a thank you for letting her stay all week (they didn't, but at least I managed not to pay for them both). Once we'd got in, with DH lugging the picnic that I'd raced out to buy that morning while they both had a lie in), they ate the picnic, then APMum bought them both ice creams and didn't offer us one. Didn't even offer one to little DD who was clearly gutted watching them guzzle theirs until DH ran off to get her one too. They're absolutely minted too (both write only with Mont Blanc pens and only wear designer labels, and live in a house with a swimming pool and fruit orchards!!)

Argh, i DEFY you to say IBU - but feel a bit better for the rant!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

OP posts:
FabulousBakerGirl · 31/05/2009 21:10

And that is WHY they are minted.

YANBU.

bumpsoon · 31/05/2009 21:10

hand her a bill for full board at the end of her stay ,theres a reason they are minted ,they get everyone else to pay for everything!

BananaFruitBat · 31/05/2009 21:12

YABU

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2009 21:13

Yabu

(just want to see what happens!!)

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2009 21:14

LOL xposted

Actually, you really should have said about the costs when she asked if her mum could stay.

giddykipper · 31/05/2009 21:15

I've noticed this about wealthy people before.

They just naturally assume that you're all as wealthy as they are and therefore that it doesn't matter if they don't pay you back.

thisisyesterday · 31/05/2009 21:16

well erm, have you said anything??

ingles2 · 31/05/2009 21:18

has the mother not offered anything? Did she come with gifts, wine and stuff?

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2009 21:20

Having been a live in nanny myself I don't know how she has the nerve to moan about tv and help herself this way!

womma · 31/05/2009 21:20

Present her with a bill when she's leaving

mumof2222222222222222boys · 31/05/2009 21:21

That is outragiously rude. Not sure if it is of any relevance, but where are they from?

YANB at all U.

I'd be slamming doors and being vvv grumpy. Have you said anything? Be brave.

womma · 31/05/2009 21:24

Sorry, what I meant to say was YANBU. Funny how having lots of money and good manners don't go together very often isn't it? Tot a bill up and give it to her, go on I dare you!

Seriously though, I'd have a word with your AP about it.

Niftyblue · 31/05/2009 21:28

Take it out of Au pairs wages
Board and food for her mother
its a home not a guest house
I hate it when people come and stay sit there making demands eating us out of house and home
Lazy ,selfish,gits

Millarkie · 31/05/2009 21:41

You must have our AP's sister! We had the same situation - her mother/sister came, ate us out of house and home (although maybe not drinking our wine, but haven't checked the wine rack), re-arranged my stuff (we were on holiday) and didn't even give us a thank you card! (It kind-of explains our APs general attitude though). We would normally give an AP a 'bonus' when they leave us but this one will be getting a small present instead.

BodenGroupie · 31/05/2009 21:49

And I think the mother must be the AP we had years ago - I'd get home from work and find that she'd eaten all the food and bought for dinner - for five people! She finally left us shortly after she accidentally overwrote my answerphone message with a Skunk Anansie (sp?) song that just seemed to be the word "fuck" repeated hundreds of times. My mum was a bit shocked when she phoned

I used to teach Homestay EFL. People had to be pretty wealthy to afford the agency's fees but they would rarely pay for anything when we went out, even though that was the rule. I was too much of a wimp to argue, and just put up with it.

Original poster
CoffeeAndCarrotCake · 31/05/2009 21:50

Ha - ILoveTiffany and Bananafruitbat - you're lucky i'm now skilled in the art of counting to 10!!

She brought DD the Very Hungry Caterpiller book, and a book for DH and me each (which was kind) but certainly didn't bring any food or wine at all! Whenever AP's boyfriend stays, I don't expect him to contribute other than to lend a hand (which he's very keen to do) but with the mum, as she's old enough to be my mum, I feel very differently.

And did I say anything? As I am a TOTAL wimp, no, but I did gasp "Oh!" as she sat down with ice creams, and said to DD "Come on DD, I'll get you an ice cream then." For me, that's as good as it gets.

MUST stop wimping out!!! Gah!

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeAndCarrotCake · 31/05/2009 21:51

Oh, and they're German mumof222222222222

OP posts:
Niftyblue · 31/05/2009 21:55

You don`t buy yourself an ice cream and not a child thats sat there
So rude

ingles2 · 31/05/2009 22:01

the only time this happened to me was with a German AP as well. I was pretty shocked. AP realised I was a bit put out though, so bought some flowers which redeemed the situation.
We once had a lovely Czech AP an her mum came over with a suitcase of homemade cakes, liquor, books and toys bless her!
To not buy an icecream for dd is incredible though.. I have a feeling they think you are beneath them or maybe she thinks you are treating her dd badly?

Original poster
CoffeeAndCarrotCake · 31/05/2009 23:00

Ingles2 - definitely not! She and her mum keep saying what a wonderful time she has here - that's why all her friends and family seem to be moving in too!!

OP posts:
Jux · 31/05/2009 23:11

I would at least ask them to replace the wine which was a present. How horrible for you. Don't let her have anyone else stay.

Simply · 31/05/2009 23:41

I'm just about off to bed but I agree with the last post. Don't let her have anyone else stay. Say that you realise that it costs quite a lot to feed and entertain visitors so it's better that they find their own accommodation and feed themselves. Some do take great advantage (my 1st ap's family) and some don't (my 2nd ap's family - but I'd built in some ground rules on this before she came which helped.)

ingles2 · 01/06/2009 09:45

That makes it even worse then! She's thrilled with how you treat her dd, but can't show your dd the same....well...some people are just selfish and rude unfortunately.
How about saying to your AP, that you're glad her mum had a nice time but you would like her to replace the wine and icecream as you cannot afford to.

cthea · 01/06/2009 09:57

Very rude of them, esp. the bit about no ice cream for your DD. But you can't ask them to pay for the wine, ice cream, food, accommodation. I can't imagine how you'd word it. Put it down to bad experience and never again!

cthea · 01/06/2009 09:59

I've also noticed people with more money being shy of paying. Is it 1) they don't realise the cost because it makes no dent in their bank balance or 2) they think you must feel so honoured to have their company you are thrilled to pay for them too.

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