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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people should think before updating their fb status to something which doesn't match their lame excuses?

35 replies

drowninginclutter · 31/05/2009 20:58

I'm probably going to be told I'm U for using fb at all but I rather like it. It's the best way I've found for keeping in touch with long distance friends/ relatives and sharing photos.

I've been trying to get hold of someone as we needed to organise some stuff fairly quickly or it wasn't going to happen at all. I left her a phone message Sat evening and about half an hour later she did a fb update from her mobile 'x having a blast from the past'. Didn't respond to my message until today with a text which said 'It's been a really bad weekend DD was poorly, I'm so sorry'.

AIBU to send a slightly shirty text back that if her DD wasn't ill enough to prevent her having a blast and managing to update her fb then it's pretty low using her as an excuse for not responding. The fact she updated from her mobile shows it was working and she had credit so no problems there.

This is also the second time someone has done this. Another friend was really late once, lame excuse, got home to find an update at exactly the time we were due to meet.

Why do people not think before they do this?

OP posts:
CakeandFineWine · 31/05/2009 21:18

because they are stupid!
No your not being unreasonable to Q her about it!

random · 31/05/2009 21:20

Bloody facebook ............

squeaver · 31/05/2009 21:22

It's the work of the devil, I tell you.

littlelamb · 31/05/2009 21:23

The child in me would want to do exactly the same thing back to her...

Niftyblue · 31/05/2009 21:24

YANBU
Good on you for speaking to her about it

shootfromthehip · 31/05/2009 21:24

What's worse is when you so it and then your mother catches you out. I'm still not popular

Original poster
drowninginclutter · 31/05/2009 21:25

I haven't though, I've taken the wimpy route and texted. No response yet...

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 31/05/2009 21:27

I think I'd be tempted to text and say "Am so glad nothing's seriously wrong with your lovely X, and that you were still able to have your "blast from the past", hope you had fun, love....

Is that passive aggressive?

MrsGravy · 31/05/2009 21:53

Huh? I don't get this. I could be having a 'blast from the past' if I were watching some old children's program with my poorly child. Or eating a Cadbury's Wispa. Or someone from school had just popped up on Facebook.

I really don't understand why you assumed her status meant she'd been literally out 'having a blast'?!! I hope you're right because if you're not she's going to think you're a right moody cow!!

gallusbesom · 31/05/2009 21:57

I agree with MrsGravy - don't read too much into FB status

Original poster
drowninginclutter · 31/05/2009 22:01

It was more that it proved her mobile was operational, had credit and she wasn't so busy with poorly DD that she couldn't use the phone.

It wasn't so much what the update said as the fact it had been updated at all. It's not exactly something you have to do before it expires, is it?

OP posts:
MrsGravy · 31/05/2009 22:06

Yeah but why does it mean her DD wasn't ill??? If my DD was ill and presumably lying around watching TV or even sleeping I might well find five minutes to update facebook. In fact, if I was stuck indoors on a weekend with a poorly child, I probably would spend some time online so I felt in touch with the outside world.

If I were her and my child HAD been poorly I'd be very, very angry that a friend had accused me of using my child to get out of something. Ouch.

Original poster
drowninginclutter · 31/05/2009 22:13

It was a mobile fb update, not online. Would it really be that much more difficult to send a quick text than an update?

Not accusing her of using DD to get out of anything. I just can't see how your child can be too ill to text and let someone know but no so ill you can text an update to fb.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 31/05/2009 22:19

I'm sorry but I'm with MrsGravy on this one.

And anyway, just because you left her a phone message doesn't mean she has to respond. It's her choice. So she got round to FB before contacting you? So what.

I don't like friends who place assumptions on our friendship, like always wanting a reply when they contact me. It annoys me.

Overmydeadbody · 31/05/2009 22:19

I'm sorry but I'm with MrsGravy on this one.

And anyway, just because you left her a phone message doesn't mean she has to respond. It's her choice. So she got round to FB before contacting you? So what.

I don't like friends who place assumptions on our friendship, like always wanting a reply when they contact me. It annoys me.

littlelamb · 31/05/2009 22:22

I think the point is, it takes a lot more effort to get on the internet on a phone (certainly on my phone, and it's quite a swish one) than it does to respond to a message. Particuarly if it was a message, for eg asking if they were free in the afternoon or the next day. Even cheekier if the phone was obviously right next to her. But I am one of those people who likes a reply

MrsGravy · 31/05/2009 22:23

So basically what you're hacked off about is the fact she updated her facebook page but didn't respond do your message as quickly?

Well, here's the thing for me. Either she's a good friend, in which case I don't understand why her taking 24 hours to respond to a message would make you think so badly of her. Perhaps she only saw the message/accessed it after the facebook update?

OR she's generally a bit of a flaky crap friend who never really gets back to you and puts you last all the time. In which case why are you wasting your time with her? Life's too short to waste on peole who make you miserable.

You did say in your OP "it's pretty low using her as an excuse for not responding" which is what I was referring to when I said you were accusing her of using her DD to get out of something. I'd be livid if a friend left me a message like that.

Original poster
drowninginclutter · 31/05/2009 22:35

My first proper MN fight! I feel like I've finally arrived.

I guess I'm coming to the conclusion she is a crap, flaky friend. Unfortunately we were trying to arrange something specific which is now buggered.

She could quite easily have said she had other things on or something came up, she brought her DD into it, not me.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 31/05/2009 22:38

drowning her DD was ill, that's a pretty valid excuse in my book not to be on top of replying to messages.

Perhaps she didn't have the same sense of ungency as you about whatever matter it was?

MrsGravy · 31/05/2009 22:42

I'm still working on the assumption her DD might well have been ill though. If this were one of my friends I would have assumed (if I'd even given it much thought) she'd sent the status update THEN got my message. Meanwhile ill daughter wakes up/vomits/need medicine or whatever and she gets distracted from replying to the message.

But if she's a crap friend then maybe it's time to let the friendship drift? Concentrate your efforts on someone who deserves your time and energy.

Original poster
drowninginclutter · 31/05/2009 22:50

If you're starting on assumptions then you could always look at the idea that someone who updates from a mobile rather than a computer is out and about. I wouldn't leap to conclusions on that one though.

Her XP would normally have had DD at the time so it is a possibility.

OP posts:
Toffeepopple · 01/06/2009 10:21

I wonder what phone network she is.

I've been having real trouble with getting phone messages from my provider. Last night I got notified for the first time of two messages that had been left on the 21st May and 25th May. Luckily neither were urgent!!

Original poster
drowninginclutter · 01/06/2009 11:27

If she hadn't got the message she either wouldn't have realised it had been there a while so no apology or excuse, just a reply or would have said 'sorry, phone being crap'.

I think I've turned into one of those people who I normally find annoying, who post in AIBU and then, when people say yes, carry on going 'but I'm not' forever!

I may have been a little harsh but there is some background of previous no-shows, lateness, etc. It happens to everyone once in a while but when it's every time you're going to meet it makes the friendship not worth the effort.

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 01/06/2009 11:34

I've got a 'friend' like this and have decided to bin her. She does have problems but is so unreliable. Also she keeps updating her love life on FB and so does her on off bf She's early 30's he's in his mid 40's ...mature eh? I'd like to delete her from FB to be honest and don't know why on earth I added him I don't even know him!!

Anyway, I hope you've got some nice loyal friends who are reliable.

Toffeepopple · 01/06/2009 11:46

Drowning, unreliable friends are the pits! Just hoping my dodgy phone service doesn't make me seem like one...

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