To remove the toy baby feeding bottle from my dd's new doll bath and feeding set?

[Springfleurs]

I was brought up to think that breast feeding was a strange and rather disgusting thing to do.

Luckily managed to overcome this myself and b/f both dc for 5 months and 14 months respectively.

Took dd to a toy shop today and she chose a doll bath and feeding set. Unpacked it for her when we got in and there is a feeding bottle in there. I know it might seem a bit precious but it irritated me slightly, as though it was a mandatory piece of equipment for all babies/dolls.

Or

I am taking it all rather too seriously?

YANBU.

I'll be chucking any toy bottles away if my dd gets any too. We are a bf household here. Dd will feed her 'babies' the only way she knows. Why would I introduce a feeding concept that is pretty alien to us in our house? I have no doubt she'll have plenty of opportunities to see alternative methods of feeding as she grows, but bf is the norm for us and I'm unapologetic about encouraging it to remain so - for us, for my family.

I certainly wouldn't think to deny anyone else a toy bottle for their child if that was the role play they felt was a good thing for their child. Not for me to criticise another mum for modelling the behaviour they'd like their child to adopt.

So I'm surprised that so many posters here are so critical of the OP for doing exactly that.

I agree that having the choice to do those things is great.

But I know of men who want to be involved in the feeding in a controlling way, and expressing purely so DH could give a bottle and feel included would be a ballache. Literally.

bemused about anyone who thinks mere toy can usurp their parental influence

indicative of too much navel gazing.methink

A toy is part of parental influence though surely. You don't just tell your kids what you'd prefer them to think, it's cumulative from every action and word they experience.

vic I think it could have been when posters including the op starting saying that they thought people that choose not to bf as selfish that made people get a bit defensive.

Then it's people's partners who are the problem, wasting, not that women are able to express and bottle feed.

would you give your child a candy cigarette, Scottishmummy? If you think there's no message, no impact, no influence at all when children mimic adults? After all, it's just chocolate.

I don't think it would 'usurp' my influence. But it would influence to some extent, obviously. I can't see why I would bother introducing the concept of bottlefeeding when it doesn't really exist in her realm of experience yet.

play actions and behaviour come from exposure,reinforcement and affirmation. think about the parental whoops of joy at wee one playing with fave toy.consciously and unconsciously parents influence behaviours but cannot wholly shape it.the child has preferences too

a bottle unlikely to usurp parental influence preference

give parents a wee bit more clout and ability

nzshar- agree. Not a helpful attitude and one that I do not share myself. There is room for better understanding of the choices others make. We don't have to agree, but it helps to try to understand.

vic do you feel your parenting and preferences can be undone by product marketing. the mere presence or proximity of a dreaded bottle will upset the equilibrium,where is your influence in all of this

or are we slaves to mighty omnipotent marketing

LTOS, it goes back to what I said about the 'expectation' that women will express.
Some mothers express rather than breastfeed in public. Their choice, but how crap that society makes them feel that way.
It should be the norm to pull your top up and stick your baby on.
Everything else is handy, but are surely less preferable.

scottishmummy, the toys you give to your children are part of the influence you have on them.

Got to go to bed.

"play actions and behaviour come from exposure,reinforcement and affirmation."

Well, exactly. So, as a parent it's my job to expose, reinforce and affirm the choices I think are in my child's best interests. So my dd already roleplays bfding because it's what she's been exposed to, and I'll reinforce that by avoiding introducing confusing concepts like bottles and affirming what she does by praising her for feeding her babies. (And encouraging her not to throw them down the stairs)

Which is, rather, what the OP is doing.

I am really saddened that this thread is still taking a turn whereby BF has to be exclusively at the breast or bust (sorry).

I really do see it as a step backwards if women have 2 choices. 1 BF at breast, you can't work, go out, have a break or go out etc or 2. FF. End of.

That is a huge step backwards and I find it hard to see why anyone is arguing otherwise.

scottishmummies posts i agree with wholeheartedly. I find things like "praising her for feeding her babies" a bit worrying for some reason. I suppose because I try and avoid putting that kind of nurturing role onto DD and keep thrusting lego at her.

Vic if you must cut and paste and quote me get it right.don't just spuriously try prove your point

you omitted "the parents influence behaviours but cannot wholly shape it.the child has preferences too"

Scottishmummy, do you feel your children are immune to marketing?!!! Wow, what's your secret?

It's a spectrum, as well you know, not a binary outcome. Children have innumerable influences. I think that as a parent, I am the strongest influence. But it's ridiculous to suggets that I'm the ONLY influence. Right now I tend not to dress her in pink much.

What do you think of my chances of continuing to succeed doing this without protest when she's say, six?

How DARE you interfere with your daughters doll feeding practices?!

You have to tell her as a mother of a plastic doll she has options! She can breasteed or bottlefeed, and whatever way she choses is JUST FINE!

vic i refer you to my previous quote "parents influence behaviours but cannot wholly shape it.the child has preferences too"

a child developing and emergent ego and personality will at times seek to in conflict with parental wishes.push boundaries to grow and explore

YABU. I ate those chocolate cigarettes as a child, water guns, the lot.

Never smoked, never will. And no, of course I don't have a gun either!

Reason why I knew neither of these things would be a good idea in real life: my parents explained reasons and consequences when I was old enough to actually be faced with choices as to whether or not to use them (well, the cigarettes anyway, no need for guns in my life, unless the bubble-making kind counts!)

Children should be able to play without worrying about all the issues we face in our everyday lives. There is a lot of time left to deal with all that.

SM that's lovely but your point was lost on me, sorry. Given that we agree that a child had many influences, and that a parent is one of them...

do you disapprove entirely of me exerting my influence on my child? Should I never encourage her in any particular direction?

Or do you disapprove of my influence only when my choices are different from yours?

By the way, it's vLc

Yes IMO you are being unreasonable (thats your right/choice), but hey i'st Saturday night there is shite on the Tele carry on, I can see the militants are out in force already insulting anyone who has the cheek not to whip out a boob every time a baby crys.

As you were

vic given that you quote me erroneously you are hardly one to pipe up on typos

Nobody wants their mind changed on threads like this.

They just want to post, elbows out, secure in their righteousness.

AIBU has that effect on people.

Anybody who's read Politics Of Breastfeeding (or is reading, or is interested in reading, or isn't interested in reading, but might be once they've read a thread about it (albeit fledgling atm so don't come just yet!), come and talk to me on my thread in bf, please.

SpanishMummy, you make me smile.