to be sad to see an obese toddler?

[NigellaTufnel]

Was in the park today, and there was a little girl who looked about 18+ months and obese. Now, I know that there may be health issues, and if that is the case I do feel guilty about Mrs Judgey pants, but it did make me feel a bit funny, that this poor thing's weight was not being managed.

And yes, she was clutching a 'drink that must not be named'.

However, I think that I was disturbed because there was lots of casual smacking of the child by her mother, shouting, and rough handling.

So, do you ever judge anyone else's child handling skills? I was quite shocked at myself.

Nevergonna post

If I thought I was genuinely fat I would never be happy.

Aesthetics aside, it is such a hassle.

When pregnant I am huuuge. I find simple things hard - walking, even showering had me huffing and puffing. ( i did put on 4 stone in total)

I am a bit heavier than my pre-children days and think why did I not savour those days and have more confidence!!

Knowing that people like lucia's husband are judging me whenever I step outside my front door has destroyed what little self esteem I have, increased my depression, made me more likely not to go out and as a result it is much harder to lose the weight that I so desperately need to lose.

People always hurt me, food doesn't - I know logically that is wrong (the second part definitely and the first to a certain extent) but that doesn't make the thoughts go away.

stayingsunnygirl - please dont let such an asshole as her dh do that to you. Really, someone like that is clearly a nasty person. Just be glad as I am that he's not your dh.

i judge on swearing and smacking and thats it my ds was like a ball on legs and ate so healthy by 2 he had grown taller and slimmed out and he has odd fruit shoot lol

but at 4 he is now like a string bean eats the same healthy food with treats thrown in

if i see someone actively over feeding there child then i'll secretly think judgmental thoughts to myself by over feeding i mean lunch being fried food followed on by huge bar of chocolate and bag of sweets and can of fizzy

odd treat to an appearingly over weight child i wont judge as ds had odd treat but healthy appetite and was huge at one stage

just to add i'm not judgemental on weight ata ll as you can be big beautiful and healthy but bad foods on a daily basis for a child i will judge

my friends cousin used to be treated to all sort of junk never had one proper meal only sweets cake chocolate and by 9 was morbidly obese couldn't walk had no school uniform that fitted and needed mobility scooter

Hmmm, so is my ds thin cos of his diet or is it because dh and I, though fatties, do not swear and clump?

I think it is awful to think that if I am out with my daughter who is a chubby 16 month old, that people are not just judging me bcause I am a size 22 but that they are also judging my little girl because she is chubby and has a fat mother. and I think 'spot the fat person' is so bloody shallow and sad..

I have three dses, all of whom eat the same meals here (mainly home cooked, some things like pizza or pies, with plenty of veg, and fresh fruit always available). They are all active, doing paper rounds, cycling to and from school, going for runs or to walk the dog with their friend nextdoor, playing sports at school and ds2 is in a local cricket team too.

Yet they are all different body types. Ds1 is tall and muscular, ds2 is a bit chubby and ds3 is a skinny lad. They all eat sweets and crap, when given the chance - in fact the skinny one is the worst offender where this is concerned (judging by the number of sweetie wrappers and biscuit packets I found down the back of his bed when I springcleaned his room this week).

So it's not all down to poor parenting.

And fwiw, when I was a teenager, I knew I was on the plump side and asked my mum to take me to the gp so he could recommend a diet for me - and she refused.

i am in no ,means judging by weight only from my friends cousins point of how she was fed and what she was fed and how she never had a normal meal in her life

such a shame

my ds was like a ball on legs it was amusing

I judge anyone feeding their kids crap, junk food whether their kids are fat or not. Some kids (like adults) are lucky that they eat high fat, high sugar, highly processed food a lot and are slim, doesn't mean they are healthy.

I must admit that I did a bit of judging a while ago when I saw a very overweight girl aged about 9 with her mother and grandmother who were both immensly overweight themselves.

They were buying the girl an ice-cream which seemed odd as it was pissing it down.

It was sad because they all looked a bit depressed and mum and gran were having difficulty walking although they were only in about their thirties/fifties.

I think many kids are overweight nowadays and it's to do with many complex factors.

A lack of knowledge about how to cook, lack of time to cook, lack of exercise (i.e not spending 8 hours a day roaming about on a bike!!) etc..

And obesity is a middle class issue too - not just something affecting 'sweary common people'

I don't think you can look at a toddler and judge them as 'fat' - my kids were all chunky toddlers and are now all lanky beanpoles. And a lot of that is down to them inheriting their dad's lanky genes rather than my perfect parenting [/irony!]

I think this is a difficult issue.

Some children are undoubtedly overweight because they are badly nourished; and some children are undoubtedly underweight for similar reasons. But all humans are individuals with different calorific needs, energy levels, energy expenditure etc and it is very difficult for even informed parents who are educated about nutrition and manage their own weight to "get it right" for their own small children who may all be very different in their needs.

My sister has three children. Her eldest has always been skinny and constantly on the move. Her second is an entirely different type and for a while, as a toddler, was very overweight, despite his educated, slim parents and slim brother: my sister was just feeding her DS2 in the same way she had fed her DS1 and the result was astouningly different. She has had to adapt to her DS2's needs, over time.

My nephew is now 7 and, while not a tall, skinny boy like his brother, is muscly rather than chubby.

I think it depends on the child. Some children have a lot of baby fat and then all of a sudden they shoot up and it all balances out. Nothing to do with what they are fed - I have seen many a chubby toddler with very healthy diets.

Saying that if it was my child I would probably start to worry if they were 4 and hadn't slimmed down. I disagree that 18 months is the age where the should be slimming down.

Nigella was this little girl just chubby or did she have rolls of fat?

Riven pml about the cinema bit.
You never know, you could end up cut off from the outside world due to flooding/famine etc whilst in the cinema and absolutely NEED to eat 25 kilos of crap delisciuos sweets/cardboardpopcorn.

I try not to judge to much as my dd does not put on weight and is supposed to have a full bar of chocolate and 3 oz of cheese a day - we sometimes get leered at when she is walking along eating a big bar of chocolate and it makes her and me feel uncomfortable. (I want to add she does have a very healthy diet and eats loads of fresh fruit and veg she even turned down some kettle chips at a bbq today for a big bag of pod peas!) but you do get looks off people when your child is eating crap. But then again people who do have obese children due to crap diet alone dont usually give a damn if they are being looked at.

Riven: Couldn't agree more with your comment on cinemas [and theatres, opera]

I hate "rustlers"!

What is it with some people about sitting in the dark scoffing? I wonder if it's psychological. Is it because they think people can't see them and therefore they can commit their "sin" without detection?

I also agree that some people [including kids] seem to find it nigh on impossible to go for more than half an hour without eating!

And don't get me started on this recent trend to always carry a bottle of water everywhere [no one going about their ordinary business is going to keel over and collapse with dehydration if they don't drink for an hour or so]!

Someone on here mentioned percentiles. She seemed to think if you were 98th percentile you were fat. (I have heard other mothers say something similar) Surely its only if your height percentile is smaller that 98th it would be concerning.

Do all the judgers only get upset at fat people eating crap? What about thin people too. My neighbours are all skinny and greet their kids at school and nursery every day with all manner of crap. Are they ok cos they are not fat?

Ihatemyjob - I think you are right. Ds is on the 96 centile for weight but is off the charts for height. The GP told us last week that she thinks he is a little underweight!

I read somewhere that parents just don't see their own children as fat. So when asked, parents of obese children described them as 'plump' or 'chubby'. i know one family who are all huge, one boy is actually grossly overweight, yet Mum just giggles and calls them 'chunky'. Sporadically she'll say no to an ice cream which is a bit mean if all the others are having them, but other tha that she seems in denial.
My DD loves going to thwir house...'mummy, we can have whatever we want from the goodie cabinet.'