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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sad to see an obese toddler?

143 replies

NigellaTufnel · 29/05/2009 18:01

Was in the park today, and there was a little girl who looked about 18+ months and obese. Now, I know that there may be health issues, and if that is the case I do feel guilty about Mrs Judgey pants, but it did make me feel a bit funny, that this poor thing's weight was not being managed.

And yes, she was clutching a 'drink that must not be named'.

However, I think that I was disturbed because there was lots of casual smacking of the child by her mother, shouting, and rough handling.

So, do you ever judge anyone else's child handling skills? I was quite shocked at myself.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 29/05/2009 18:55

YANBU

I feel sad when I see obese toddlers and obese children

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 19:01

Interesting how many of the fat people stories are accompanied by mothers swearing and children being clipped round the ear etc.

Just an observation not sure what it means. But there must be families of fat non swearing non clumping people around.

FWIW the last time i judged was a 11/12 year old girl and her mum walking home from school happily sharing a bag of sweeties the size of a magazine. Both huge. Didn't spot any swearing or clumping though

KingRolo · 29/05/2009 19:02

It's completely normal to judge. We all do it all the time. I think it's only when we start bitching with friends or even admonishing people in public that it becomes a problem.

So, YANBU. It's so sad to see a child being neglected in this way.

Starbear · 29/05/2009 19:02

I felt sorry for all the fat teenagers I see around. My mum was a brilliant cook and I always ate well. I had a little tummy and was about size 12, 5'6. But I see girls so over weight and its the best years of their life. It's tough at the moment because you don't have to wait until you get home to eat or spend a lot of money, junk food is so cheap. By 16-17 yrs I dropped down to size 10 and could wear anything, fit, healthy and gorgeous (even though I didn't know it)
I'm now size 16 with very saggying bits

moonshine · 29/05/2009 19:04

I judge because I have been different degrees of chubby/fat since about 5 years old - and it is a pretty miserable experience (and it was by no means the worst).

You are teased constantly, both with intentionly cruel and 'casual' fatty comments from other kids and adults alike. You are more likely to struggle with food and weight throughout your whole life. And it gets harder and harder to deal with as you become more self-conscious.

And I want to tell parents all the trouble and angst most of them are bequeathing their kids. But a lot of them probably already know from their own experience.

I know myself it's not easy, especially if you are a family who loves their food. And I know this is not everyone's experience.

But from the amount of articles I've read, and the programmes I've seen, and the people I know or know about and dozens of websites etc etc, I don't think this is an uncommon existence after having started life overweight.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 19:09

[Just an observation not sure what it means. But there must be families of fat non swearing non clumping people around]

there must be, but seems to me the fatter the family are, the more they swear and slap

there arent any skinny swearing and slapping famillies about - least not in my town

FairLadyRantALot · 29/05/2009 19:11

so, what are you actually being judgemental about, the overweight toddler...and was she overweight, or was she just a normal chubbly toddler? Because my 5 year old has always been chubby, but that is just his build...but at 18 month he could have been taken as overweight, I suppose....which he wasn't...btw...

or are you judgey over the handling....

oh, or are you judgy over the lot?

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 19:13

Blondes it's true. I always keep my eyes peeled when doing my weekly shop in waitrose and my judgey radar hasn't gone off once.

it's a real mystery.

oldraver · 29/05/2009 19:14

I was completely shocked when I saw a little girl being picked up by her very very overwight (and can hardly walk) mother to reveal a sizable belly overhang. I knew the girl was big but the belly rivalled MINE. This is so wrong for a girl who can do nothing about it

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 19:18

think i was being judgy over the lot

i just find it sad that so many people in this day and age, cant find the time to lean (if they dont know) and cook healthy foods

spam - have to say there are none in my local branch of waitrose either - but a few in somerfield/lidl

Starbear · 29/05/2009 19:18

Blondeshavemorefun My brother is huge and I've never known him to swear at his children or anyone. I wish there was a special clock attached to fridges, cupboards etc that would only allow him to eat when its the right time. He was skinny as a kid just ballooned when he went to a special school for asthma (no exercise in those days) the school would give him breakfast lunch and tea and my Mum would also give him breakfast and dinner she could stop herself and had three other children to feed!

Starbear · 29/05/2009 19:22

By the way he now a well paid production manager, big house in Canada. Not everyone who is obese, are the under class just the middle class wear nice suits to hide it a little.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 19:22

starbear - of course there are loving parents about who are large, but dont swear/hit their children

my cousin is the same - she is prob a size 28/30 married to a slim jim and have twin girls who are slim

nickytwotimes · 29/05/2009 19:24

I judge too.
I am ashamed that I do it.

Starbear · 29/05/2009 19:25

I suppose for you it was visually. the whole package. Sorry, I would be judgy too. Also wished I could have done or said something to prevent the smacking of the child, which is impossible in this day and age.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 19:47

Anyone know if people who were skinny children and teens, but are fatter adults are likely to produce skinny children as they will emulate their own upbringings to a certain extent, or produce porkers as they will bring them up in line with their new sedentary greedy lifestyles?

I'm asking for a friend.

alfiesmadmother · 29/05/2009 19:58

It just makes me feel realy sad when I see any fat person but especially a child.

But all my kids were 'chubby' and can hardly fatten them up now, I hate counting their ribs. Think it's cos I bf them and they put on the good fat.

HellHathNoFury · 29/05/2009 20:07

My 2 year old is HUGE. Really chubby. Wearing size 4 clothes.

I don't feed him shit though, he just eats tonnes of EVERYTHING, he's like a hoover.

Does that make me a bad parent?!

nevergonnapost · 29/05/2009 20:15

i am a fat size 18 and i dont need your pity my kids are not fat they go to gym golf etc nearly every night with dh i am a vegetarian my downfall is crips but i bet i eat more fruit veg in a week than most of the thin people who aare judging!! there are a lot worse things to be than fat let me tell you i would rather have my curves and boobs any day than be a kiera kightly type ...shudder also i have to laugh at the swearing after being on mumsnet some people on here could swear for britain and i bet they carry it on in rl i only swaer when i get really angry like now lol and never at my children would never smack them either

Original poster
NigellaTufnel · 29/05/2009 20:21

I was judging myself at being so knee jerk and judgey.

I was knee jerk and judgey about a toddler who didn't seem to have a neck, about the general unpleasant scene of shouting and hitting.

Frankly, I think those who say we should be careful about judging are right.
It's a weakness. And I'm a bit disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 20:24

agree you can be too slim as well as too fat

i was once a size 18 = though i was fat and fit - went to gym 3times a week

Claire2009 · 29/05/2009 20:25

Ha, Dd & Ds both have fruitshoots/snacks/etc etc and are both a healthy weight. I don't see what that has to do with anything and yet its mentioned on MN a lot, as long as the snacks/fruitshoots are given in small doses and not all the time its fine imo.

But, there is a toddler that is local to me and he is HUGE, rolls of fat on his legs/belly/chin etc he is just too big. I hope there is a medical condition for his obesity but I sincerely doubt it, both parents' are overweight and mentioned toddler is 2.5/3 ish age and not once have I seen him out of his buggy walking/running along.

pipsy76 · 29/05/2009 20:26

Just to add my tuppence worth ,the drink which must not be named actually contains sweeteners rather than sugar, I thought that's why we are supposed to hate it, I'm confused!

frankbestfriend · 29/05/2009 20:28

Being lacking in self control over your own eating habits is one thing, lacking the knowledge or ability to control your children's diet is quite another, and yes, I do judge.

In fact, I find that judging is a completely involuntary reaction and cannot be controlled. Bitching, however, can and should be.

nevergonnapost, is that really true? You are totally happy to be fat? I am a size 12 post dc, and fight a constant internal battle over what I eat and the shape I am.

screamingabdab · 29/05/2009 20:28

OP

I judge in RL, but on here I am very afraid to judge, because someone always comes up with some explanation that makes you feel very very small