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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sad to see an obese toddler?

143 replies

NigellaTufnel · 29/05/2009 18:01

Was in the park today, and there was a little girl who looked about 18+ months and obese. Now, I know that there may be health issues, and if that is the case I do feel guilty about Mrs Judgey pants, but it did make me feel a bit funny, that this poor thing's weight was not being managed.

And yes, she was clutching a 'drink that must not be named'.

However, I think that I was disturbed because there was lots of casual smacking of the child by her mother, shouting, and rough handling.

So, do you ever judge anyone else's child handling skills? I was quite shocked at myself.

OP posts:
simplesusan · 29/05/2009 20:29

I am more appalled at the swearing tbh. Unfortunately I was at a park the other day when an averaged sized couple were effing and blinding infront of their 2 toddles and my children. My dh actually stopped and stared at them as they were so fowl mouthed, they just stormed off.

Claire2009 · 29/05/2009 20:30

I was like a stick as a kid, 2 kids later & I still am, put on 25kg on each pregnancy but am back to my 'normal' weight now.

I have 1 skinny kid, 1 bit chunkier but certainly not obese!

LEMONADEGIRL · 29/05/2009 20:31

To be honest this is a very sensitive issue for me.

Both myself and DH are slim build.

My DS has a heavy build and I get sick to death of people calling him chubby etc. i

I cook all our meals from scratch, we eat lots of fruit and veg. We also get lots of exercise.

I always wonder if people judge him and assume i fed him c**p, clearly some people do

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 20:35

I don't think so lemonade, same for nevergonnapost.

It's different when it's a whole family who are all massively overweight to when it's one or two people - DH and I are both right larders and DD is skinny so far - I hope no-one judges us. But if we had a huge DD as well it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume that as a family we were all overdoing it on the old calories somewhat.

ChippingIn · 29/05/2009 20:37

blondeshavemorefun - if you, yourself, were once a size 18, then you should know better than to say half the stupid shit you have on this thread.

Other judgy pants - I am fat, not even going to bother telling you why - I'll just let you assume, along with many other people, that I'm a lazy bitch who can't/wont eat a healthy diet. I'd so hate to spoil your clicky, perfect, skinny bitch thread.

BUT although I do swear on here, I would NEVER swear at or around a child nor hit them. So please fuck off with your stupid comments that fat people are stupid and hit their kids.

I haven't been this fucked off in a long time, I hope you have all enjoyed your bitchy thread very much.

Heated · 29/05/2009 20:39

There are certainly more fat children than a generation ago. There were 2 slightly chunky girls in my primary class, puppy fat it would have been termed then, but knowing one is in California and the other in advertising it would not surprise me if they were size 6. But we were all active, cross country suburbs of London was a killer! But I can't imagine children allowed to do that now.

In dc's primary class there are considerably more chunky kids and one certainly obese, whose dad I talk to. Her parents are not fat but the dd does no exercise, watches a lot of TV and the parents get a lot of pleasure from feeding her - an expression of love, I suppose. I don't know why they didn't do anything about it before but the children were weighed last term and they had a letter. The 'solution' has been to buy her a Wii Fit.

Lizzylou · 29/05/2009 20:41

Oh yes, I judge massively at swearing in front of children, hate it.

I also judged at a little girl's grandmother who let her GD drink full fat coke out of a bottle whilst eating haribos, at around age 3. Grandmother worked at a softplay place and the little girl was just left "playing" all day, she even used to fall asleep on the soft play equipment.
The little in question was skinny as a rake, my DS2 looks like he could eat her for breakfast

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 29/05/2009 20:47

I think there is a difference between chubby or sturdily built and fat. I saw a child the other day with his mother who must have been about 3 yrs old. He was round. That isn't chubby or studily, he was fat. I judged his mother and I felt sorry for him.

Baisey · 29/05/2009 20:48

I think after working at ELC for 9 years and seeing all manner of things during that time ive lost the ability to judge. Unless its "call security" bad then I tend to not see it. Quite sad really.

Lizzylou · 29/05/2009 20:57

DS2 is more sturdy, I suppose. He was 10lb 11oz at birth and has a broad back and shoulders.

Chippingin, I haven't read this thread that every overweight parent is a sweary negligent one, at least I hope not (am a size 14/16 myself, OK more a 16 )

MamaMuesli · 29/05/2009 20:59

I was sad the other day
seeing a toddler with her belly overhanging her leggings. But also think people are built all shapes and sizes and apart from the extremes, I don't like to get too hung up on people being all the same...and for what its worth I think loads of people don't worry about what skinny kids eat but surely their nutrition and health is just as compromised if they eat the junky stuff too much. Builds up problems for later life.

Lucia39 · 29/05/2009 21:19

My husband plays "spot the fatty adult" when we go out shopping. It keeps him amused when he's bored. He did keep a sort of tally for a while but gave up after one occasion when he'd spotted 47 in less than 2 hours!

Original poster
NigellaTufnel · 29/05/2009 21:23

"So please fuck off with your stupid comments that fat people are stupid and hit their kids" - I don't think anyone has said that.

"I haven't been this fucked off in a long time, I hope you have all enjoyed your bitchy thread very much." - I am genuinely sorry if you feel that way. Really the main reason that I posted was the fact that I had such a knee jerk reaction to something that I saw. It was all the obseity, hitting, swearing.
I wondered if I am the only one to judge, albeit internally.

OP posts:
LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 21:29

I don't think that anyone honestly thinks that fat people hit their children and swear as a matter of course.

Not least because many people on this thread are themselves fat...

Lucia39 · 29/05/2009 21:30

NigellaTufnel: I know how you feel but unfortunately we have to get used to it - there are some very judgmental characters on MN I'm not 100% certain some of them actually read what you've written before they fire off their broadsides!

Original poster
NigellaTufnel · 29/05/2009 21:37
Smile
OP posts:
mamamila · 29/05/2009 21:37

i'm very anti 'processed foods' but eat plenty of high fat high quality alternatives and i find i get fat just as easily eating foie gras and too much extra rich jersey cream as i would eating junk food.

i think if people want to eat healthy food they will, every fool knows that fruit n veg are healthy but often people just prefer junk/ processed foods.

wastingmyeducation · 29/05/2009 21:41

I am very fat, but would never smack DS and I never swear at him.

He has never had juice, never mind fruitshoots.

WalktheLine · 29/05/2009 21:44

My 16 mth dd is a podgy toddler but she put on all her excess weight while I was exclusively breastfeeding her (as and when she wanted admittedly) for her first 6 months.

She has come down now from the 98th to the 91st centile but I couldn't care less.

She is healthy and has a good diet. The only thing that bothers me is the idea of other people making ignorant judgements about her and her diet.

It is nasty.

ChippingIn · 29/05/2009 22:50

Lucia39 - I have had litle time for your comments on other threads, but this comment below, really shows you for who you are... and there are certainly worse things to be than fat, thank you for highlighting that.

By Lucia39 on Fri 29-May-09 21:19:14
My husband plays "spot the fatty adult" when we go out shopping. It keeps him amused when he's bored. He did keep a sort of tally for a while but gave up after one occasion when he'd spotted 47 in less than 2 hours!

Nigella - the comment I made wasn't aimed at you. We all judge, it's human nature, but as someone else has said, it's what you do about it that counts...

LizzyLou - my newest Nephew was 10lb 11oz at birth too - quite a shock to them after two under 6lb! I can't see him 'slimming down' to suit percentiles anytime soon!

Walktheline - I bet she is perfect

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/05/2009 12:11

chippinin - i am sorry if you feel that way by what i wrote

i never said that all large parents beat their children and swear -NO ONE on here said that all large people hit/swear

my cousin is large and never swears/hit her children

the op asked if people judge, we all judge - it doesnt make me proud that i did - tbh i more in shock and sadden by what i saw - and on what i saw yesterday i did judge, as they were hitting their children, swearing and eating crap and yes they were fat

i would also judge if i saw a skinny family hitting their child and swearing at them in the middle of a town

when i was a large, well fat,i ate too much of nice/bad things - i was obese on the medical charts as i had bmi of 33 (obese is over 30) so i decided to do something about it

i cut out crap,sweets and booze (blonde loves wine) and managed to lose 4 stone by healthy eating

as i said before, most people are large due to eating wrong food and not exercising - BUT there are also medical reasons why some people cant lose weight/or put weight on, ie thyroid

Starbear · 30/05/2009 16:48

Blondeshavemorefun you are right you didn't say all parents etc..I remember you saying about your cousin. Have you seen the food rationing thread that's pretty interesting. I must go now and do some more gardening it keeps my weight down

hercules1 · 30/05/2009 16:50

lucia - thank fuck I am not married to an asshole like your dh.

roneef · 30/05/2009 16:55

With children it could simply be puppy fat.

Also I know of some skinny children with awful eating habits.

The size of the person / child isn't the only indication of good health.

TitsalinaBumsquash · 30/05/2009 16:57

I will admit i am incredably judgey when out and about, inwardly you understand i never vocalise my judgey pants.

I have recently judged a lady who was very thin, she looked ill, her bones were sticking out, she was telling her normal looking friend that she had already had a salad today so wasn't going to eat anymore. I know she was proably ill but i still judged.

I try not to judge overwieght people to much becuase i am overwieght but i do tend to if parents are shoving fatty food down thier overwieght toddlers throat.

I judge screaming, sweary parents, i live near an awful lot of them.

I jusdge smokers to and those who are extremley drunk.

I am not proud of it, it seems to be built into my personality, but i am very friendly also and would never be rude or not be plesant to any of the people above.

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